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A Tongue-in-cheek Assessment Of France

Discussion in 'Interesting Shares' started by jayasala42, Oct 17, 2021.

  1. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

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    THE AMERICAN'S GUIDE TO FRANCE :

    France is a medium-sized foreign country situated
    in the continent Of Europe .
    It is an important member of the world community, though
    not nearly as important as it thinks.

    It is bounded by Germany , Spain , Switzerland and some
    smaller nations of no particular importance and with not
    very good shopping.



    France is a very old country with many treasures, such
    as the Louvre and Euro Disney.

    Among its contributions to western civilization are
    champagne, Camembert cheese and the guillotine.

    Although France likes to think of itself as a modern
    nation, air conditioning is little used and it is next
    to impossible for Americans to get decent Mexican food.



    One continuing exasperation for American visitors is
    that local people insist on speaking in French, though
    many will speak English if shouted at.


    THE PEOPLE



    France has a population of 57 million people. 52 million
    of these drink and smoke (the other 5 million are small
    children).
    All French people drive like lunatics, are dangerously
    over sexed, and have no concept of standing patiently
    in line.



    Men sometimes have girls' names like Marie or Michel,
    and they kiss each other when they meet.
    American travelers are advised to travel in groups and
    wear baseball caps and colorful trousers for easier
    recognition.

    SAFETY



    In general, France is a safe destination, although travelers
    must be aware that from time to time it is invaded by Germany .
    Traditionally, the French surrender immediately.
    A tunnel connecting France to Britain beneath the English
    Channel has been opened in recent years to make it easier
    for the French government to flee to London during future
    German invasions, and for them to offload all their illegal
    immigrants.



    HISTORY



    Charlemagne discovered France in the Dark Ages.
    Other important historical figures are Louis XIV, the
    Huguenots, Joan of Arc, Jacques Cousteau and Charles de
    Gaulle, who was President for many years and is now an
    airport.



    CULTURE


    The French pride themselves on their culture, though it is not
    easy to see why. All their music sounds the same and they have
    never made a movie that you would want to watch for anything

    CUISINE


    Let's face it, no matter how much garlic you put on it,
    a snail is just a slug with a shell on its back.
    Croissants on the other hand, are excellent, although
    it is impossible for most Americans to pronounce this
    word. In general, travelers are advised to stick to
    cheeseburgers.



    ECONOMY



    France has a large and diversified economy, second only
    to Germany 's in Europe , which is surprising because the
    French hardly work at all.
    If they are not spending four hours dawdling over lunch,
    they are on strike and blocking the roads with their trucks
    and tractors. France's principal exports, in order of
    importance to the economy, are wine, nuclear weapons,
    perfume, guided missiles, champagne, guns, grenade
    launchers, land mines, tanks, attack aircraft,
    miscellaneous armaments and cheese.



    PUBLIC HOLIDAYS



    France has more holidays than any other nation in the
    world. Among It's 341 national holidays are:
    197 Saints' days,
    37 National Liberation Days,
    16 Declaration of Republic Days,
    54 Return of Charles de Gaulle-in-triumph-as-if-he-won-
    the-war-single-handed Days,
    18 Napoleon-sent-into-Exile-Days,
    17 Napoleon-Called-Back-from-Exile-Days,


    and 2 "France is Great and the Rest of the World Stinks" days.
    Jayasala 42
     
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  2. Thyagarajan

    Thyagarajan IL Hall of Fame

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    Nice one. I am interested to read a tongue in cheek assessment of USA by a French man or woman. Can someone help?

    It is strange in the above no sarcastic comments :

    Love lock bridge
    The Pont des Arts is most famous for being the Lock Bridge in Paris. Visitors to the bridge attach personalized padlocks to its railing and throw the keys away in the Seine River.
    On the way to Eiffel Tower like vendors on sidewalks young ladies/ women stand and offered to be kissed for one $ or One ₣

    Thanks and Regards.
     

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