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A Strange Problem Pls Help Me Ladies

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Winniethepooh, Nov 5, 2020.

  1. Winniethepooh

    Winniethepooh Senior IL'ite

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    Hello all,

    With this pandemic situation around am stuck at home since March. I do go out for groceries once in 15 days or once a month. Most of the times I order in.
    My mother in law lives with us and due to the lockdown she is not able to go to her daughters or her other sons house. Not that she is bothering me... let me be honest she is very accommodating ( eg even if I don’t cook and buy only pizza she does not complain)..if I don’t keep the house or kitchen clean she does not complain. I accept I do not do anything for her. Sometimes when my mood is off I show my face to her and serve her coffee or lunch and she takes it in her stride. Neither she complains to my husband nor to my sil.i have not even spoken to her except telling to take her lunch or dinner. But I don’t seem to like her staying with us for long. She goes downstairs for walk which bothers me. I feel like am jealous of her getting friends. Pls help me to come out of this situation. It’s killing me...scold me if you want to and pls bring me to senses.
    Need your help ladies..
    Thanks
    I speak to my friends but I dare not to open this topic.
     
    Hopikrishnan likes this.
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  2. Hopikrishnan

    Hopikrishnan Gold IL'ite

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    Her behavior shows that she may not be your mother in law. Someone else, a double, is pretending to be your relative, and getting free tiffin, pizza, coffee and lodgings. Instead of giving her the face, take a good look at hers. If you can get a sample of her saliva, you can send it in for DNA analysis, and compare that with your husband's sample. The test will show if she is his mother, or not.
     
  3. Sreevidyaa

    Sreevidyaa Silver IL'ite

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    Aren’t you one lucky daughter in law!

    A MIL who is non interfering, doesn’t complain whether you cook or not and doesn’t complain about cleanliness, doesn’t make a fuss by telling her kids, gives you space by going out! I haven’t read or heard such a good accomodating MIL in IL or even in personal life. You have to bless your stars. You aren’t talking to her and so she is making some friends socially and I don’t ever think it’s wrong.

    Bless your stars and try to think positively. She is forced to stay here due to covid. That will change soon.
     
    Last edited: Nov 5, 2020
  4. BhumiBabe

    BhumiBabe Platinum IL'ite

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    Haha, this is a wonderful response.

    This pandemic has put everyone on edge. The fact that your MIL is taking it in stride and not bothering you, is extremely lucky. I have a feeling like you feel like you should be struggling, but you aren’t, and therefore you are unnecessarily getting annoyed or jealous, even. That’s pent up energy and frustration that needs to go somewhere. I say, you should also enjoy your time and do what you like (within reason - particularly for safety).

    Also, despite her good behavior, it is still an invasion of your personal space. This can get frustrating sometimes. Take a break and spend time with your own friends, nothing wrong with you finding joy in life too
     
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  5. netflx

    netflx Gold IL'ite

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    Correctly you dont open the topic , since they will clearly tell you that you are wrong (esp when you are lucky)
     
  6. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    You're very lucky to have such non interfering, accommodating and adjusting mother in law..
    Actually due to pandemic, many people like her and you are stuck in places or situations not desirable to them...
    My in laws are here with us as they cannot travel to their native during pandemic...
    I'm slogging and doing chores throughout the day only to hear complaints and criticisms...
    I slog like anything to make sure that home and kitchen are kept neat and clean..
    If I do everything right and just one day I make a small mistake like being delayed in switching on washing machine, or keeping rice in cooker, etc it becomes a big issue blown out of proportion...
    They are so fussy and want only traditional tiffin varieties...everytime I've to adjust to their choices, if I want to have something of my choice they make faces...
    You're blessed to have such mother in law who doesn't live permanently with you and just lets you be...I know how irritating it is when you miss your personal space due to inlaws presence but be patient, this phase will be over soon.
     
    Sreevidyaa likes this.
  7. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    OP, I'll give u an example...when I was newly married and working, she came to stay for one month.. in between due to being a new joinee in job i had lot of work pressure, i was under lot of stress and had long work hours and was finding it tough to manage home and office...she stayed and pretended as if she was unwell though she was perfectly ok...she would just sit iin one place the whole day and not do a single chore.. she dint even supervise the maid to get the work done...one day I got up late as I had worked till late night...I myself dint have time to eat breakfast that day, I was just able to eat lunch and had a glass of oats porridge and left for work...I told her that I'm unable to make breakfast, pls have oats or bread. There was a packet of bread in fridge ..she could have helped herself or had oats or bread or fruits or cooked something for herself. ..she hot irritated and got ready, went out. She could have eaten out in any restaurant.. but no, she deliberately remained hungry til lunchtime ..after I came back home she created a big scene in front of my husband and yelled that I dint make anything for breakfast and that she doesn't like to eat oats or bread and she wanted traditional tiffin only that day...she could have easily made it herself or adjusted that day...I have hated her so much since then...if MIL and FIL have adjusting nature that itself is a blessing, so appreciate it. .
     
    baljit likes this.
  8. DDream

    DDream Finest Post Winner

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    This negativity wont help you. So blessed to have a great woman as your MIL. Loved the response by @Hopikrishnan . You are feeling insecure because you think she is invading your private space also due to her qualities..you are not able to influence her in any way.

    She is a good role model. She is positive, making use of the opportunities life gave her, decided to be happy and contented instead of all the negatives she can create as a MIL
    I guess,she is stuck with you due to corona situation ,and will go back, and have no plans to permanently stay with you.

    Why don't you reward her by giving company, having a blast with her and create beautiful memories for you and family.. I tried it when my great PILs visited me long back. It was lot of effort, but every one was happy..I too was satisfied that I gave them something to cherish. They also treat me the same way now.

    Choice is yours..make use of this great opportunity to create a beautiful friendship or drown in miseries, just because of negative thinking & insecuritie

    I wish I could hug her. Not easy to find a human being, especially MIL, like her.
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2020
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  9. Needtobestrong

    Needtobestrong Platinum IL'ite

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    I agree..
    Being in such an environment where not a single day goes without some complaint or criticism from my DH or in laws inspite of doing so much...
    It would have been such a refreshing change for me if in laws would be appreciative and non interfering...they will appreciate every lady in their family circle except me.
     
  10. nakshatra1

    nakshatra1 Platinum IL'ite

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    You are very lucky - you have a very nice MIL. Your irritation may be due to lock down situation. Try to make friendship with MIL so you both can have a good friendship.
     

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