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A strange problem: daughter to DIL?????

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by CharuKaur, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Hi ladies

    I have a wired problem - it is something very unsual to be happenning with me.
    I feel scared of my MIL and FIL even though i havent spent much time with them! there have been instances where i have not liked the attitude of older relatives but have never felt afraid of them ever in my life. So i thought of seeking help in dealing with this phobia of mine.

    To set the context, i have been married for about 7 months now and this is a love marriage. we stayed with my ILs only for a week after the wedding and have been in the US ever since - away from my ILs who are back in India.

    Now the problem is, that i have known my husband's bhabhi (elder brother's wife) ever since her marriage. And i know that the relations between her(my SIL) and the MIL have never been very cordial. So much so, that my MIL agreed for my love marriage coz she felt that her first DIL from an arranged marriage was not perfect. I know everything about how my MIL treated my SIL - comments on her dressing, remarks on her parents etc.. In fact, the two of them are not even on talking terms with each other these days - even after my SIL has a 2 year old son. And all this makes me feel real scared of my MIL. i can understand the reasons for their misunderstandings, but am able to identify with my SIL more coz she has limitations of her job timings etc., which are very similar to mine.

    I had to take a long leave from work to accompany my husband on his project to the US and my career is being hit in this way. Still, whenevr my husband talks about moving back to India so i could resume my job, it sends shivers down my back and i get defensive. My husband agrees and completely understands that his mom has been wrong with my SIL (my husband's brother's wife) and he himself is worried how things would be between his mother and me. But i realise, that he misses his parents a lot, especially coz my FIL stays ill often and that he wishes to be around them. Nonetheless, i feel uneasy to be staying with them. I wonder how i would take my MIL's cold and insensitive beahviour as compared to the loving and caring nature of my parents.

    I thought of expressing my nervousness here, so that words from you experienced ladies could help me conquer this fear of mine and be able to behave matured and sensibly with my ILs.

    waiting for your replies,
    Thanks friends
    Charu..
     
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  2. Blondie

    Blondie Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear CK,

    I can undersatand your nervousness. But think about it from a different angle. Just like how you are cautious because of your SIL's past experience, your MIL might also be nervous about her interactions with you (her 2nd DIL).

    Just like when it comes to parenting, it is the eldest that gets to bear the burden most of having to meet upto parents expectations and by the time the other children come around, the parents are mellowed down. So with relations gone bad with first daughter in law (no matter whose fault it might be due to ) she may not be that way with you in her dealings / actions. Just be your normal self ( do not be influenced by what happened to SIL, even though your sympathies lie with her)

    take care,
     
  3. CharuKaur

    CharuKaur Senior IL'ite

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    Thanks blondie

    your words definitely make sense. Thanks again!
    But it requires a lot of courage and strength to be doing so. And, i am working at it :)

    Thanks
    Love
    Charu..
     
  4. roopadadia

    roopadadia Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Charu,

    just came across this post...are you back in India?? How is it going with your ils.

    All the best
     

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