1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

A strange life

Discussion in 'Parents & Siblings' started by GirlyGirl, Sep 29, 2015.

  1. sing

    sing Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    81
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    I am really sorry for your situation. This happens to many people and I am one of them, although my case is very different, but the treatment from my parents was kind of "chalega.....", they never blamed me anywhere though. Had a good childhood, but I felt a little neglected emotionally, I ran completely on my feet with little support.

    1. Coming to your case, why regret over things that have already happened?
    2. Do you think people change so easily?
    Even after prodding so much some people just don't change.
    3. Will blame cure your childhood bad memories?

    The solution I found was, accept people for what they are. Its a little hard, but possible.


    When you are in need of something, you should find a way to gratify it some other way, not running after things that you know for sure wouldn't be of great help. Never forget that, "where there is a will, there is a way". Just like you found a way to write down your pent up emotions, so will you find some soul, just search for one. Possibly, the only person to help you will be your husband. Talk to him and see where it goes.

    We should go after setting up life, the way we wanted and experience it. And the more you depend on other people, the more you think about what has already happened and things that you can't change, the more you are gonna regret. Better forget all that has happened.



     
    1 person likes this.
  2. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,484
    Likes Received:
    4,119
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    Minion, not sure where on IL.com, we call a DH 'abusive' by holding him to higher stds than parents? We may say DH is not expressive or not the extrovert or doesnt remembr bdays etc, but I dont think regular IL-ites have called DH as abusive!
     
    3 people like this.
  3. GirlyGirl

    GirlyGirl Senior IL'ite

    Messages:
    26
    Likes Received:
    16
    Trophy Points:
    23
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear friends thanks for your comments and suggestions. May be I am imagining a fairy world. In my case, there is nothing like 'abused'. I am just longing for love and affection. I know my situation is nothing when compared to others and no family is perfect. Love, affection and attention of parents is required for kids. By god's grace none of us didn't fall into any bad habits, there are high chances of kids getting spoiled when proper attention is not paid. As per child counselors, parents' love and affection is very much important for a child's overall growth.
     
    8 people like this.
  4. Srama

    Srama Finest Post Winner

    Messages:
    10,075
    Likes Received:
    11,569
    Trophy Points:
    538
    Gender:
    Female
    Absolutely not!
     
  5. joylokhi

    joylokhi Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,725
    Likes Received:
    2,519
    Trophy Points:
    285
    Gender:
    Female
    @Girlygirl,
    went thr' your post and sugestions by our IL friends. Im glad that you have accepted and understood the suggestions to not look back and spoil your future. Yes, we expect a good relationship between our parents and inlaws and makes our position in our marital home that much more comfortable if such is the case.But, apart from occasionally speaking to your parents about this, it is better to accept that -that is how they are. It is natural to feel emotional and want support. Just work at being happy and look after your health and look ahead. Best wishes.
     
    1 person likes this.
  6. jayasala42

    jayasala42 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    5,365
    Likes Received:
    10,561
    Trophy Points:
    438
    Gender:
    Female
    Dear girlygirl,
    That was the era when 90% of the parents thoughts that their duty ended with giving birth, feeding and give them education in some local school.In a joint family system this was only possible.They had other priorities in joint family system.
    They didn't read psychology books as we do today and experience from the lives of elders guided them properly.It is this innocent upbringing that has made many good citizens as compared to today's cautious upbringing.
    Actually I was brought up in a very big joint family and there was no one to appreciate when we got first rank. At the best we had some abuses from aunties whose children were not upto the mark.
    in those days they had not much expectation, no great ambitions for their children.It is a great thing that they have given you college education.
    Hugging,expressing love in so many ways etc were unknown.That was the trend in many houses and you are not an exception.
    Glad that you have accepted after you have let out your feelings to the forum mates.There is nothing to worry since you have a loveable husband understanding in-laws.This will more than compensate your parents.
    Today every one has lot of information,thanks google, about child upbringing and child psychology.What we read in books may be totally different from real life experience.We may have to adopt entirely new techniques suited to our own children.
    Instead of brooding over what happened in your childhood,take care of your health, go for regular check up and ensure that your children are brought up in the way you desire or they desire.
    Perhaps at that time you may able to appreciate your parents better considering the situations in which they were placed.

    Jayasala 42
     
    6 people like this.
  7. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,786
    Likes Received:
    7,303
    Trophy Points:
    408
    Gender:
    Female
    I am glad you came back to clarify. Yes. Love and affection is very important for a childs overall development. You parent's didn't know.

    Now you have to choose between staying upset with your parents for something they are clueless about andd coming to terms with he fact that by God's grace you are doing well enough.

    Holding it against your parents and feel miserable is futile in my opinion. It would be appropriate to count your blessings and see how to move forward HAPPILY from here. Take care. Xx
     
    2 people like this.
  8. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,354
    Likes Received:
    2,670
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I read the link which you have given, gone thru emotional abuse and neglect , still don't find anything abusive in op post....
    i am not a professional...but if i compate ops post with my parents and myfriend's parents then most parents of that time will fall into category of abusive then
    and i have suffered much more than this thru my mother's hand....so i have clear idea what an abuse is....and how emotional scar can be deeper than physical....
    Women returns to their abusive husband as they have no choice....
    calling parents for help in pregnancy is a choice .....its not must....i know how i wanted to escape from my mom and mom in law in my pregnancy....i knew what kind of emotional havoc they can create in my life....
    i know i never longed for my mother support in time of need as there was none ever....thts y i mentioned that if people are abusive....people dont pine for them specially in vulnerable stage....
     
  9. vaidehi71

    vaidehi71 IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    2,421
    Likes Received:
    3,184
    Trophy Points:
    335
    Gender:
    Female
    OP

    When I compare my dad your dad is a thousand times better.
    I won't dig into which aspects as my dad is now an elderly person. I have forgiven him though I went thro a lot of unhappiness in life and my mum is still enduring sufferings.

    We need to move on. You are pregnant now, so focus on things that make you happier. Then only the positive energy will go to the fetus. Do not worry about the past. Now you know how to be a good mum and parent, so why do you grieve on the past issues and traumatizing your unborn fetus now itself. You want to have healthy baby right, so act on how you are going to do that from now itself. Read books on this aspect and forget all your previous unfortunate happenings. I feel that your dad is a nice person and I am happy that he was able to take care of his extended family. You will realize and reap the benefits of his enormous puniyam ( just to feed, make the cousins study and protect their families )in your life. You will realize the meaning later on in life. Take care of yourself and your unborn kid.
     
    2 people like this.
  10. twinklingstar

    twinklingstar Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    927
    Likes Received:
    692
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    op
    mine is same story. not 100% but major of them are same like my father dint knew we were in which class nor attended any meeting and all.but still i never had so many questions like u. did u imagined u urself created sadness by bringing all those question. this is same story for every other girls at that time. parents were not so interested or aware of our educational stuff. and i m just thankful that still our life was better then others.
    regarding comparison..really i feel that all ur questions started from then only. leave other and always remember "greenary on other side" this is applicable for all fields personal professional.
    earlier people were more concern about their responsiblities toward extended families and their own. now the things have reversed so the problems too..
    just stay calm ..and what i advice is instead of haunting past keep ur focus and use ur energy time and mind in future. try to make it bright. even if u get all ur answers for past still u cannot change that. so what use to dig the grave.
    keep spirit and have positive constructive thoughts rather then negative destructive one.
    without seeing them u have all such past haunting and when u will see them daily imagine how much u will torture urself. u have so many errs with them and still u wnat them to come for moral support.
    dear please relax urself and calm down and erase all those question which are bothering u. instead get someone else who can calm u or only ur mother.
     
    1 person likes this.

Share This Page