A South Indian Pregnant working woman who fears multiple issues!

Hi Ladies,
Writing to you all at the height of confusion.

I'm a 27 year old in Pune, 2 months and 2 weeks pregnant woman, who is due in November. I'm a South Indian married to a North Indian for 3 years and we are leading a wonderful married life inspite of all the differences. We have given up a lot for each other and are very understanding towards each other.

My problem started today when my Mother told me that she can't come and be with me in Pune after my delivery as my Dad will be alone. He is working in Tamil Nadu and has 3 more years to retire. So my Mom feels utterly guilty to come and be with me leaving him alone. I have 4 months Maternity leave that I'm planning to spend in Tamil Nadu after which I have to come back to Pune. My Mom wont come with me.

My Father in Law is retiring this year and hence my husband is suggesting that he will bring his parents permanently to our house once I'm back. My In-laws are old and my MIL cant even lift the child and walk around. My FIL can walk around though. I saw my MIL taking care of another child in the family and she couldn't even feed the kid from the bottle. My husband was raised by his grandma, so his mom is oblivious to all baby sitting tactics. Unbelievable.

Once they are here, another issue will crop up which is food. As a South Indian, I cant stand Roti Sabzi 24x7. And since they are vegetarians, I cant even make an egg for myself. I fear being malnutritioned soon after child birth. I wont be able to eat the food at home after a long days work and I cant even cook what I want. I will be cooking of course, but again that will be Roti Sabzi. So I will have work presssure all day, taking care of the kid, take care of the old In-laws and also eat what I dont like at all.

Have heard a lot of horror stories about Nannies and Day cares. Afraid to leave the kid like that.

To escape from all this, I will have to stay back in Tamil Nadu in an extended maternity leave with loss of pay. But we have EMI burdens and that wont allow me to be on LOP for so many months. My Mom is suggesting me to work from Tamil Nadu for 5-6 months and then return to Pune. I can do that I guess, as there are branches all over India for my company.But the issue here is, my Husband will be so away from the child and he cant see him/her often. He may not even see the kid until I go back to Pune. He will miss the child, wont he?

Friends, I'm so worried and confused. Getting hyper about this. Do I work from Tamil Nadu for 6 more months at the cost of my husband missing the child or do I get back to Pune and face all the issues with In-laws being at home? I know I have to give up something here. I cant prioritize. Please help me figure out a way to solve this tension, friends. I will be grateful to each one of you. Please help me!!! - Mayaa.

 

Hi SSM! Thanks a lot of this reply! This really enlightened me to think over the positive side of things! I will try from now to get out of my inhibitions about the troubles I would face and rather think of it as a blessing in disguise! I have a servant maid at home who is really trustworthy and I will try to have her take care of things like bathing, massaging etc., for the baby where MIL can just supervise! FIL is a very supportive man! Your MIL looks like a very sweet lady that you are missing her when she is not there! My MIL is a little bit on the narrower side where she doesnt treat the servants with respect, for one example. I'm really being stupid thinking abt Roti Sabzi and all that, but I'm sure my priority will shift to my kid once she/he is here, of course we wont even have time to eat peacefully! So I guess that wouldnt matter, thanks for your advise to get them used to some of our cooking! I used to make a lot of our dishes when I'm in North, without thinking twice, but now I dont know why I'm being pushed to worry about such petty things! I'm never like this, maybe the harmones!

I owe you a lot of guiding me in the right path when I shouldnt worry about petty things at all!

 

Wow SSM! My Mom too barely understands any Hindi and vice versa with MIL. They havent been together in my house since my marriage, but that point will arrive soon once the Kid is there! And I just heard from someone that in the North, delivery for the DIL will happen in Sasural, whereas in our side it happens in Mom's place! My DH conveyed this already to them that delivery will happen in my place, but I dont know how they reacted to it. My Co-sister delivered at MIL's place, but my Co-sister lost her parents in a terrible accident, so only way out for her was to be in MIL's place. She had some complaints that MIL didnt even hire a driver for the car by 9th month just because of 3000 bucks salary for him. She had a C-section so they needn't have to rush. She said that she obviously didnt feel the warmth of being with her mom in such a situation, but MIL was not bad in helping her cook and all! MIL is OK to cook all alone, but the sons...oh my god! They make such a fuzz if they see their mom alone in kitchen! One of us MUST help her, no matter what state we are in. My co-sister also couldnt eat any eggs as per doc's advise since she was anaemic, but her husband bought her enough stuffs from outside for her to hog on! My DH says, it is just an egg, you take a different vessel and make it for urself, but it is my guilt feeling that stops me! Like looking selfish infront of their morals for just an egg! My Co-sister rushed back to her place once the kid was 3 months! As she was anyway doing all the work for the baby with no support from MIL in that sense! And her DH became so skinny after being alone for 7 months! Good reason for her to rush back to her home! She is a house wife though, so no worries! It's only us, the working lot, face pressures from all sides!

 

Thank you so much Cutekid! Wow, I never thought I will get replies from Pune ladies! My first time in IL and I'm in for a surprise! Do you mean, I should get back once my 4 months maternity is over and be with hubby? My internal instinct also says so...! He is one man, who missed his Bhatija so much after being with him for just a week. He will surely miss his own child as the attachment will be more. I dont want to cause my husband this separation. He is a soft person and an introvert who doesnt emote much. He is telling me, I will manage alone, you just take care of the kid at mom's place well even after 4 months. But thats just from his mouth I guess. I needn't worry about this food as his mom will be here anyway once I'm off.

I'm now feeling much better as you guys are telling me to prioritize my kid's well being in somebody's presence rather than cribbing about food and other stuffs which can be managed by hiring someone. My Mom is also a vegetarian, now she is here, so anyway eating vegetarian food only and still gaining weight!

Thanks Cutekid! And can you please tell me how to find tel-waali-bais in Pune?

 

Swathi... Thanks for your sweet reply! Oh my god, you ladies are making me feel really really better! I'm now smiling after a long hyper episode since morning!