A Second Class Life - Please help.

20 years into marriage...I talk to my mom about roses and she can talk for hrs about her veggies in her garden and not mention about our respective husbands even once.:coffeePoor guys.

But I doubt my mom could have stayed out of advising me and pushing me into certain ways early on.She can be quite pushy and nosey that way....
I saw her doing it with my younger sister and would wonder how her husband tolerated it.There is no way mine would have.

 

How on earth did you conclude from the one post of OP's that her husband was revealing all the details of their marriage to his mom?!! She just posted that he was talking to his mom, gossiping on family matters and resolving his sister's issues.

And @crayoness, if your tone of speech is anything like your posts here on IL, I can absolutely see how your daughter thought you were forcing her.

And again, the way we interpret family is very, very different. For some, it makes sense to consider me, my husband and kids first... rest is next. Not everyone's family dynamics need to be that way. If my husband was pulling a long face just because I talk to my mom everyday, he might as well just get plastic surgery to keep his face looking like that.

I have discussed issues with my husband with my mom/sibling. My husband talks to his parents/sibling everyday... that certainly doesn't imply that we're puppets with our strings held by our parents. I don't understand these assumptions you have about Indians/India that every parents is playing power games with their kids, every adult is psychologically screwed up by this attachment to their parents and such. We still share a healthy relationship with each other and each others' families. If your intention is really to understand Indian culture, it is probably time to also look at other sources. IL should not be your one stop shop to gain that understanding.

 

Talking daily for 45 mins is the key of issue...daily is very imp word here...
Parents ard touchy subject as many people believe tht young generation doesnt want to take care of parents and want to get rid of parents responsibilty.......

 

After going through this thread....my thoughts..

Regardless of providing decades of service - cooking, cleaning, shopping for everything he wares, standing by him in his good/bad moments, with my hefty inheritance (life time maintenance cost?), bringing in same amount of salary to the family, my personal experience is his true loyalty belongs somewhere else.

.....Aathaa Aadu valathuchu...kozhi valathuchu...naay valakkala' - a popular movie dialogue about loyalty. (In translation: mother raised hens/goats and didn't have dog, instead she had me).

 

Is the man's mother thinking this or the wife?

On a tangent, the movie Chappani refers to Gandhimathi as the "aatha" - his athai (Mayil' mom, his "MIL", if all had gone well)

 

Paththavechittaiye.... Parattai... !!!!!

 

duplicate post

 

Peachtree,

It's my version about DH... (fits for mother's version as well).

His true loyalty is to his mother!

 

OP give thanks to god that MIL is not living with you.

 

Hi,

I would like to say it's a good thing that your MIL and DH are like butter and cookie. It is setting a good example for your kids (if you have any) so that they also will be like that towards you guys, which seems good to me. But what I don't like is that they don't indulge you in it. Tell that to your DH and ask him to put the phone in loud speaker and you too get included in their conversation. It will be a good thing to do. Try to accept people. Talk to your parents also like he do