A questionaire to Indian women settled in US

Pushpa;
It is sad for the parents. But work pressure is more in India, I guess.

One thing I would to share with you. When Achan n Amma(J's parent's) came here they were surprised to see the easy life we have in US. J goes to office around 8 and returns back around 5.30 PM. When he was in India, he leaves from home @ 5.30 and returns at or after 10 PM and works on saturday too. Amma used to tell me that they rarely get time to talk to each other on work days and on sundays J sleeps most of the time. After being in US J's parents told us to stay in US and they will visit us every year
-Nitha

 

1. Do your children prefer only pasta, noodles, sandwich and other western dishes for breakfast and lunch?
no they eat only indian...occasionally we eat other food

2. Do you cook Indian food at least once in a day?
daily i cook only indian food
3. Do you always prefer to wear western dresses when you go out?
not always but mostly jeansand kurthis..as i have to run with them
4. Do you put pottu on your forehead every day?
yes always
5. Do you allow your children to choose subjects on their own for the degree course or you force upon them your choice?
the elder one is in kindergarten and younger one in preschool..but yes..i let them choose theire path i give only suggetions and adviese if they need
6. Are you very particular about maintaining the status and keep buying unwanted things?
no place for junk....
7. Do you converse in your mother tongue with your children?
im trying to do..
8. According to the saying, “when you are in Rome do as Romans do.” Will you allow your children dating?
can't say..but i dont prefer mykids dating
9. Do you throw parties for birthdays and anniversary every year?
only for kids birthdays
10. If given the option would you like to return to India?
i ill ..im missing india​

 

Pushpa maami,( hope you don't mind with the suffix!):idea

Again it is a topic of personal discretion. Parents after one point are forced to stay put because of the demands of life.. This is how most of the people end up living here..

. They come as immigrants ( in early 2000, GCs were processed very quick , so they get their work permit, again, finding a good paying job, that for an Indian was not hard, so take up a job - by this time is 1.5 - 2years of married life, have a kid - now they need to make a decision - put off until the child is 2/3 - now they rethink - planning to have a second one, because the first is already a US citizen, having second child in India , might make it difficult of the kids in future!.. so they go for the second.. Now , they wait until the child is a year old, by this time, the older one is so used this lifestyle and the parents decide to stay here....

This is how the thought process keeps changing......WAIT... WAIT...However, there are EXCEPTIONS.. how decide and stick to their decision to go back..

In my case, I liked it here and wished to stay , as you said, 5 -6 years and go back, at that time DH desperately wanted to go back.

Now... I desperately want to go back but DH & DD prefer to stay here..

I don't have a close family network here.. Oru SIL, adhuvum too far from where I stay:-D...but I have huge joint family back home, manni, chitti, periamma, machinar, athais, athimbers, one more natharnar, orpudi, machinar pasanga, nathanar pasanga and lot more...

En amma, appa, thambi, thambi wife ( just married!)

So many kalyanams to attend and kutcheri...

ippo summer vera, there will so many kids at home.. I sometimes feel we are the unlucky ones!..

Is that not true living!.. Gosh!.. I deeply miss my family!...

-Shilpa.

 

1. Do your children prefer only pasta, noodles, sandwich and other western dishes for breakfast and lunch? ... Not always.

2. Do you cook Indian food at least once in a day? ...... Daily
3. Do you always prefer to wear western dresses when you go out?.. I wear only sarees. :hiya
4. Do you put pottu on your forehead every day?... Yes
5. Do you allow your children to choose subjects on their own for the degree course or you force upon them your choice? Both of our choices (ours and children) luckily coincide.
6. Are you very particular about maintaining the status and keep buying unwanted things?... NO
7. Do you converse in your mother tongue with your children?... Yes, sometimes in English too.
8. According to the saying, “when you are in Rome do as Romans do.” Will you allow your children dating? .... NO
9. Do you throw parties for birthdays and anniversary every year? Simple ones on birthdays.
10. If given the option would you like to return to India? Yes, yes, yes.:bowdown​

 

Pushpama,

Good questionnaire. It taught me more about myself. I don't have children yet, but I have a husband who is as much a brat. Ask me the same questions in two years, and I will tell you how my answers will be vis a vis 'real', juvenile children.

1. Do your children prefer only pasta, noodles, sandwich and other western dishes for breakfast and lunch? My husband loves western food (strictly vegetarian, no eggs). Especially a heavy continental brunch on week-ends makes his day. And I love pasta and sandwich. So, I make a lot of such western food. Try to cut down on the cheese cos of fat and rennet.

2. Do you cook Indian food at least once in a day? Sure. In fact, I eat only South Indian food for lunch. I cannot do without my curd rice and maavadu, even in the coldest of winters. I alternate every other day between south indian and north indian dishes.

3. Do you always prefer to wear western dresses when you go out? Depends on where I am going. When I was working, we had a dress code.So, it was formal western with Friday dressing in colour. For shopping, I wear almost anything from jeans to skirts. For socialising, I always prefer salwar suits with Indian jewellery. For formal parties in husband's office, I wear pattu pudavai.My university was too cash starved to hold parties, so I never bothered about dressing up for that. When I go to the temple, I wear saree.But as someone else has also written, there have been occasions when I wore coulettes to the temple for Shashti poojai (and stood out like a sore thumb).

4. Do you put pottu on your forehead every day? At home, I always have a pottu and sindoor, vibhuti. When I go out, I remove it. I have never figured out why I do it. Pottu or no pottu- I am very visibly Indian, nay south indian. Dusky, a bit plump, hair braided (now cut, though). So, if a dot buster or neo Nazi sights me, he does not need a pottu to identify me as an alien. For some reason, I dont wear pottu when I go out and that stays.

5. Do you allow your children to choose subjects on their own for the degree course or you force upon them your choice? I am not going to force any of my whims or desires on my children, however legitimate or adorable my desires be. My child will be free to choose what she wishes to study, what she wishes to do for a living. I will teach her a lot about God and Hinduism, but she is free to choose her religion or stay away from it. And, I am not going to bother if my child has alternate life styles. I will teach my child to be a good human being, to practise tolerance and compassion.The rest is upto God and upto her.

6. Are you very particular about maintaining the status and keep buying unwanted things? No on both questions. I am what I am. I lead my own life. My parents and husband are also simple people. We live well, indulge occasionally. But not a cent is wasted. I am teaching myself to lead a simpler life style. My long term desire is to buy a small one room flat in the Fort area of TVM where all the temples are. Lead a simple, frugal life surrounded by God, books, music, relatives and friends. That, good health and a decent pension is all I need.

7. Do you converse in your mother tongue with your children? My husband speaks Hindi and English, and I reply in Tamil and English. We both do not have any fake accents and when in India, we literally speak no English.We hope to teach Tamil and Malayalam to our children. Our long time desire is to learn Sanskrit (at least simple conversational Sanskrit).

8. According to the saying, “when you are in Rome do as Romans do.” Will you allow your children dating? Dating-yes and no. As much as I allow my child all freedom and liberty to choose her way of life, I will not tolerate or encourage promiscuity. So I guess, that makes it no dating, but I am open on this issue.

9. Do you throw parties for birthdays and anniversary every year? Simple parties. Mostly, it is for very close friends.

10. If given the option would you like to return to India? We have been trying hard to return to India especially the South. But even in this recession, when everyone is happily coming back home, we are unable to do so.