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A Peculiar Problem - Need Help

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by KeerthDhan, Nov 15, 2019.

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  1. hermitcrab

    hermitcrab Gold IL'ite

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    Don't worry about your FB unfriending, there are more important things at stake here.
     
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  2. Jamelia02

    Jamelia02 Silver IL'ite

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    "She thinks I am upset at her for some other reason. Now my problem is We have many common friends and also I have to meet her many events. Her husband is really nice. I am afraid that she might tell wrongly to other persons that I un-friended her and situations will be awkward when we meet each other. How to tackle this? Just to add she is such a talkative person talking about everyone to others, openly confronting, fighting Etc."

    Why do you care if she is worried about what made you block her. Let it be! That's her strong hint to know that your dh may have disclosed it to you. Let her be talkative you maintain distance with her. She who is trying to illegally pursue your is bold enough to ask you why you blocked her without the fear of she giving you possible opportunities to confront her but you stumbled upon blaming your kid for that. See, that's the difference, the moment you don't stand up other will take advantage. Clearly, stop inviting them home.
    Also, if your dh complaints at work he needs evidence. Well, one of my female indian married colleague had raised harassment issue on her male co-workers who always used use nick name like dear, hey honey, darling...she warned them before but in-spite of raising a complaint she was the one who was made fool of. Instead of warning those shitty guys, she was asked to talk to people with open mind and not to think such as harassment. Well, even though its not the direct kind somehow it is, right. Her dh would obviously not approve of such thing and she was also mad at it. So ensure he has the evidence in any case.
    Lastly, if you want her to stop creating an affair with your dh, you should let her know that you are aware of it. You could do so smartly in a gathering like as if your gossiping about some other lady who was trying to pursue a man at office..just like whatever she did. If people who are at wrong can be so bold, why can't you stand up for your life. Imagine what if she starts a rumor against your dh. You be the first one to work on it. Ladies who go behind a man can be very smart given the situation. Be aware and act right.
     
    KeerthDhan, hermitcrab and shravs3 like this.
  3. niriha

    niriha Bronze IL'ite

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    Hi OP,
    You have already got some useful comments, I am going to say the same too.
    You need solid proof.
    It's good your husband took the screenshots, he should also need to record the conversation when she is trying to do some drama. He can then tell her that he will fwd the conversation to her husband, if she bothers again.
    Forget about her gossiping to other friends.
    If she doesnt have proof and you have it, there is nothing to worry about

    -Niriha
     
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  4. Anusha2917

    Anusha2917 IL Hall of Fame

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    Op what I feel is before this lady gets manipulative and turns the tables around, get smart, collect proof and approach the organization with a request to keep it discreet. Yes no organization would entertain drama in such matter and would try everything to keep it discreet.
    Even if she gets a slight hint that you are planning something of this sort she will do it first to save herself.
    Don't let that happen.

    Plus sorry to say : Why is your husband allowing her sweet talks? I feel he can be assertive here. Why I am saying is in such cases thorough examination is done by the organization on both the parties. Unless it's solid against one with proper proof they won't take action.
     
    KeerthDhan, shravs3 and Sunshine04 like this.
  5. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    @op why your husband is entertaining her ..? Is he enjoying the attention that he is getting ..? Don’t say he is worried about job blah blah this is serious issue .. why you people can’t see the consequences .. The lady you mentioned such kind of people will not change unless they get consequences.. they think world can’t see them so keep continuing ..

    I don’t understand why you kept quite after knowing all this .. it’s not common .. if you give her a warning that you got to know all things from your husband about what she is doing and going to inform her hubby will she still continue ..? Why don’t you do that .. quite simple right .. who cares if her husband is good or bad that lady is not nice think about your married life and your future ..

    How much talkative she is No company will listen they need just proofs .. if your husband got them then just submit to HR they gonna kick her out of office .. then her hubby will also know ..

    If I’m in your place I would have called her very first day and warned her .. if Your husband did not do any mistakes why he is worried ..? Or you worried ..

    This is not complicated you are complicating it in the name of job and good name .. don’t be so foolish ..

    If some married guy tries to do same thing with you at office can your hubby will take it easy and keep quite ..? Then why you ..
     
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  6. Sunshine04

    Sunshine04 Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes. +1
     
  7. Laks09

    Laks09 Staff Member Finest Post Winner

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    Because sexual harassment isn’t easy to prove and she could potentially turn it around. Unless he lives in a state which is a single party consent state and records her conversations it’s hard to prove. If he records and they live in a state where both parties have to consent to such recordings, he can get into legal trouble.

    OP - you guys need to at the least consult with a work place harassment lawyer before you do anything(including recording, talking to husband, confronting her etc).
     
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  8. Jas82688

    Jas82688 Silver IL'ite

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    How can she turn around when she doesn’t have any proofs ..? And Op says her husband got screen shots .. I don’t know what are those screenshots but won’t they be enough ..? I know recording voice in somestates is not legal .. At my work place these policies are very strict .. even an unnecessary compliment on dressing can fall under harassment.. and sharing or displaying wrong content on your own laptop also considered as harrasment even if it is done un intentionally I can still report ..

    But they can still inform her husband right it’s outside of work place how it will put him in trouble .. ?

    @op you need to find out what is sexual harassment policy of the company that your hubby works like Laks said .. definitely that lady knows all those policies that’s why she is not much worried might be ..

    I might have sound little blunt in my first reply I apologize that one .. since I have seen these kind of cases that’s why wanted you to be extra cautious because once she accuses your hubby no one will belive him since every one will say why did not you report it first time ..? Ie the mistake many people will do ..

    But take wise steps let her know that you Got to know about what she is doing ..
     
    KeerthDhan likes this.
  9. sbonigala

    sbonigala Platinum IL'ite

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    Op I feel 2 years is a long time to keep quiet about this especially if it’s happening at workplace too.
    Think this through with your H and take help from lawyers if necessary to find out what is best way to report it at workplace.
    Don’t delay it anymore
     
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  10. sweetsmiley

    sweetsmiley Platinum IL'ite

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    screensharing can be done only when you accept the invite..
    If she is in some other team, whats the need for that screen sharing.
     
    KeerthDhan and sbonigala like this.
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