A MOTHER OF PERSEVERENCE: A close look at kumar was a revelation as to what manni goes through, the daily chore of feeding, and toilet cleaning though he looked so big, and giving a bath and then dressing him up, apart from cooking she had all these coming daily, and the weekly oil bath, sometime we used to be envious of kumar for all the attention he got from his mother, and we being normal children were sent away for many chores, but kumar could not handle anything, by the time we could understand him, he had grown way beyond. He was studying like any other child, which is not right by to-day’s standard but somehow thatha got him the seat,in a government school, but one day we had a large crowd in front of our house, the commotion was too big to handle with police and all, when we came to know what he had done, we had a somersault in our mind to be careful about him, he cut the back of a girl -his class mate with a blade right across and she was profusely bleeding. Some compromise by thatha with money, but still the incident put us off him, and we never used to play much. He had started to recognize his mom only when he was two years old, and that is a precious achievement for manni, then he could walk by the time he was five, so the slow and steady improvement they hoped some miracle might bring back the child, but nothing happened, he was very interested in films, and songs, a rythm he never missed, though he had a tough time pronouncing rrrrr sound and always landed up with missing it. Like he used to address my mom as saloja devi instead of the saroja devi, the famous actress, he could only recognize people’s personality in reference with the film characters, he loved M.G.R. songs a lot, as they were famous then… The family faced a lot of problem, they were very hesitant about visiting wedding, as someone has to be with kumar, he may run away, or his eating in public, he was carried for a very long time, that is up to his 10yrs which was a feat in itself, and his only brother excelled well in his studies and was left along with his grandparents of his mother’s side so that he would not be influenced or associated with his elder brother. When I think back now, what it is for a child to recognize you only after two years of aching for that, and slowly the rest of the expectation and more attention on the mother’s part as he cant do without her. Like all babies he stretched out his arm but he was a 8yr old big boy how could she carry. Then one day in 1977 Dec 9 kumar was dead, he was only 23 very young but still the mother though she missed him a lot had to be pacified, at least the ordeal of taking care of a special child is over. Now again it is so many years over and god has blessed her with a similar grandson, and now she is mentally very much prepared how to take care of him than the others in the family. Here the grandson is even more worse than her son, he could not keep his head straight until he is 4yrs lying down all the time, and his tongue is protruding and the same saliva pouring over, and the family again going through getting shunned mentally not able to attend any wedding, one member always missing in the group to take care of balaji now…but his brother is fairing very well in studies and wants to take up medicine, now coming to the point of why this happens in some home, some say it is due to genetic defects, like marrying into the family of athai pillai and mama ponnu and so on, yes manni had married her mama’s son, but her son married into another family which had similar problem, so they had another child of the same disorder. In both the cases they are very sure that some day their child will become normal, against all odds. Now coming to the sibling of the child he needs equal attention, and should be given good holidays, and encouragement by spending some time alone with him too, I feel there is an answer here for those of the parents who want to spend time like that, we have a home in www.cadabams.com Bangalore which is a very nice place for a family to leave behind their spastic child or a child with special attention, and take the other child for a holiday, the food and room facilities are commendable, and the fear of the child getting beaten in put to rest as that is not the way the medical team takes care of them.. Here they will not be doing something wrong but , if taken when very young the children get very good toilet training, and how to behave with other children of the same type of mental reaction to various things, the specialized doctors and psychiatrist are there to give comfort to the child, understand them better as they are handling these children more. Sometime even better skills are taught according to your mental level of things. Now coming to the second history of another child, who has studied up to his tenth and then one day all goes hell, all because his girlfriend of many years is to marry someone else because now the mother of the girl felt a better groom needed for the daughter. A normal child laughs with self, talks with self, not interested to interact with any, only a lot of probing by some dear ones bring out real philosophical thoughts making you wonder, is really something wrong with this child, but yes it is, and many Indian children going abroad have heard to have this syndrome, that they are unable to cope with the freedom of the foreign children and a strict atmosphere which they have to adhere in the house. So many ayurvedic and current therapy and massage and all but to no avail, another mother’s perseverance going on there too, they are now worried who would take care of him if something were to happen to them, though money has been left behind but who is a big question and how good is another question. Whom to trust with is another big factor. Hope this article would be passed on to benefit some mother somewhere, so that she takes the help of some of the homes in Bangalore, Chennai and other places…regards sunkan…..