A Man Called Melon

A MAN CALLED MELON


“i am going on a diet” announced the daughter.


I blinked. She was nalready o a vegan diet if it could be called a diet.The girl would say nit is a way of life. But for me it is a diet. Anything, that in my view that does not contain dairy products is not normal food and anything g that is not normal food is diet. Now another diet over the present one?


“”What diet nis it? I am quite ndiet challenged.So what is the latest on diet front?” I asked.


She said something like “catatonic or “catholic”


“Does it make you catatonic or Catholic?” I asked her.


“Your hearin g is playing tricks” she said flaring up. “ I said KETONIC, NPT Catonic or Catholic”.


Later I checked on Internet what the hell it was..It turned out to be a diet toi minimize the sufferings of epileptic children, a high fat, ., moderate protein and low carb diet. If you want to enjoy the pleasure of it wait for your second childhood and hope for epilepsy.



It q was as if Atkins’ diet had rise n from ashes. Remember the good doc Atkins who suggested a igh fat, high protein and virtually zero carb diet for weight loss Several Hollyood celebs vouched for it.And it became such a great craze that breadmakers had serious trouble earnIg their daily bread and potatoes languished unloved in cold storages.

Then one day thne bubble burst. Dr.Atkin s kicked the bucket when he slipped o sleet and fell on a New Yorik . roas one fine day. People had ntrouble liftin g his body and it tur ed out that our weight loss diet inventor weighed 150 kg upwards. Either the ddiet nwas a failure or the good doctor sank his teeth on everything edible, diet be damned. How did the stars back it? Aw come on, how many of our own Bollywood stars endorse beauty soaps that probably don’t ever come in to contact with teir skin? Does Hema Malini really use Kent ROP water purifier?’’


The problem with diwe.ts is they have become a status symbol. Anorexic looking ladies land up at parties just to let the world know nthat they are on a diet and wouldn’t touch the food there. They also play a game of diet one-upmanship ,flaunting the latest fashion i n diets and showing others that their diets are passe’>The more outrageous and bizarre your diet is the better your chances of winning the game.


Probably this prompted a cousin of min e to go on a melon diet. For mon ths she ate nothing g but melons, drank nothing but melon juice. To reduce her weight, She ran through the entire gamut of melons. Watermelon, musk melon, rock melon, cantaloupe melon you name it she devoured them. If you could have read her alimentary canal then, you would have readi an encyclopaedia of melons Thank goodness that she did not come across a man named Melon. He would have run the risk of being gobbled up too(If you rule out the possibility of people named or surnamed Melon existing , think again. Two of my neighbours have food-related names. One is called Puri and the other Parathe.).


As for people devouring people, I am a great fan of Hannibal Lecter Diet. It will help us solve the prob lem of overpopulation and preserve valuable non-renewable energy.


Like all diets it has certain basic rules, t.woo to be exact.First, don’t have politicians. For dinner (or for the matter for lunch and breakfast). They are so toxic, that you could die due to food poisoning .Rule number two :Avoid bureaucrats too.They could cause severe constipation


If you are keen on writing a book that will have some what repectable sales write one on diets. Promote any kind of crazy eating habits and there will be some idiots who would buy it.


My favourite dieting book is one which f you go through its thick sauce of words patietly has a very simple message:HOG AWAY TO GLORY.! THE MORE YOU EAT THE MORE YOU LOSE WEIGHT. To put it simply there is no diet like ,well, a non-diet.It is based on the premise that you need more calories to burn the calories you have consumed than the calories you have consumed. Confused? Well we are in the same boat.


.But ny favourite diet is the diebetic diet of His Holiness Nirmal Baba. The great saint recommends a diet of rasgullas to cure (yes CURE not merely control) Diabetes. That doesn’t mean you rush to your neighbouring sweet shop to buy kilos of the spongy ,sinful sweet to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner.


For only rasgullahs blessed by the third eye of Nirmal Baba can cure diabetes Of course you don’t get them without payin g a fat dakshiba to the baba for using his imaginary oops sorry invisible third eye.

 

Viswa the fear of becoming g fat is far far worse than the stigma of being fat.It drives people into various diet traps, many bizzarre and some quite dangerous and even fatal. The most famous case of a diet victim was the famous singer Karen Carpenter who became anoirexic and lost her life. The only diet is adjustig your portions to the level of physical activity. Diets lead to psychosomatic problems like anorexia and bulimia.

 

Meena welcome back afteer a looooooooooooooooooooooong time, eons maybe.? Remember seeing you here in Triassic or Jurassic. Every diet bhook must carry a statutory wari ng: DIETING CAN BE INJURIOUS TO HEALTH!". There are more sensible wayt to fight the Battle of the Bulge.Heard General Motors has come up with a diet too instead of a new car? What is the world coming to? .At this rate we'll have a Maruti-Suzuki diet., .