A Love Story For You!

varalotti · Mar 6, 2008

Dear Kamla,

When you say Ditto Chithra, I have to say Ditto to the reply I gave her. Well, Kamla, he has explained himself very clearly. Life without his wife became a hell for him. And from that angle death appeared a heaven to him. He leapt from his figurative hell to his figurative heaven.

Your reply shows that you are not only pragmatic, but also quite loving. For in the later part of the reply you showed empathy towards the writer.

There is a world of difference between a 25 yeard old killing himself and a person in his late 60s killing himself. In the former case, it is purely an impulsive decision; but in the latter, especially in this case, as you have said, it is a complex decision. He should have loved his wife too much.

I don't have the qualification to tell him that he should not have loved his wife so much. Plainly the psychological dependence I have on my wife is no less. Probably that was the reason this death affected me more than that of Sujatha's. I don't know.

I engross myself forcibly in the mundane details to prevent my wandering to these dreadful areas.

Love,

varalotti · Mar 6, 2008

Thanks Gayathri for the kind words.

All said and done suicide is a foolish act. But many times deep love gets itself manifested through such acts.

regards,

varalotti · Mar 6, 2008

Dear Oviya,
In a way he stands apart from other writers. Two of the very popular and prolific writers I know have two wives. And the way they justify it, my God! One manaivi and one thunaivi!
But in spite of these writers publicly announcing about their second wives, their readers continue to adore them. Suppose a lady writer declares that she has two men, one kanavan and one thunaivan, will her readers accept that?
Among such writers Stella Bruce stands apart in his love for his wife. That made me give this tribute to him.
Thanks for the kind words.
regards,

varalotti · Mar 7, 2008

Shanthi,
I do agree with you that suicide is not a solution to his problems. At his age and at his maturity level and given his writing talents, it looks quite foolish. But that foolishness only serves to make his love for his wife even more intense.
No decision based on love has ever been a rational or an acceptable one. If the children decide not to hurt their mother (or their father) then none of the love marriages would have happened.
He would have definitely known that his suicide will plunge his mother into puthra shokam. If he had killed himself in spite of that, then his love for his wife would have been great.
The powerfully worded suicide note dispels all doubts about his lucidity.
regards,

varalotti · Mar 7, 2008

Dear Aruna,
thanks for the kind words.
love,

Shanvy · Mar 7, 2008

varalotti said: ↑

Shanthi,
I do agree with you that suicide is not a solution to his problems. At his age and at his maturity level and given his writing talents, it looks quite foolish. But that foolishness only serves to make his love for his wife even more intense.
No decision based on love has ever been a rational or an acceptable one. If the children decide not to hurt their mother (or their father) then none of the love marriages would have happened.
He would have definitely known that his suicide will plunge his mother into puthra shokam. If he had killed himself in spite of that, then his love for his wife would have been great.
The powerfully worded suicide note dispels all doubts about his lucidity.
regards,
Click to expand...

Sridhar,

I am wrong in doubting his lucidity...infact was waiting to hear your Feedback before posting my reasons..

After I wrote the FB i was chewing on the same... and two incidents came to my mind just as if it happened today...

1. Actually this happened 4/5 years back. we were in bahrain. Due to my heart condition i was supposed to go for routine blood check ups . vyas used to take me to the health centre and as he was held up with meetings, i ventured on my own without informing him. then the doctors on routine found a my bp to be abnormal and my pulse rate very high, and then on further ecg they found somethings missing...(Gulf is one place where a Indian with a heart condition is taken too seriously). immediately the doctor put me on a saline, a monitor, and called up the ambulance to take me to the royal hospital ( goverment hospital.) that is when i thought i have not informed vyas and the kids will be back from school..so i cooly called him on his mobile and told him "I just came for my check up, they found something wrong and are taking me to salmaniya..." he must have been dumbstruck...he said I am coming..but even before he could arrive at hte health centre, they took me to RH. he followed me to the hospital, but could not trace out where i was taken and women's area being restricted..he had a tough time locating me...after that they called my cardiologist in india and when he said that this happens to me sometimes, they left me after 3 bottles of salines and few injections...

After coming home...veda was silent for a few days...I felt bad why is he behaving so...then he said, if something would have happened to you, I would have committed suicide...I asked him what about the children, it is our responsibility..he said, ok then i will kill them first and then commit suicide...only then i understood the way some mind works...

2. My MIL passed away . they were not a very loving couple to look at from the outside..for a person who sees them they will look like they are always at a difference of opinion. but my father - in - law told me I would commit suicide if not for my 92 year old mother. Even now he says my wife said she will take me after 3 years,but see the calling has not come.....i joke that she is happily enjoying being alone, don't disturb her..but crux is he misses her so much you cannot shake of 45 years of marriage just like that...and he says in the old age ladies can easily adjust and their emotional strength is by far greater than man.for a man it is very difficult to adjust if he was attached to the wife.

I truly understand what rammohan the man felt....we as readers identify with stella bruce the writer but not the man.

I hope veda does not come strongly at me for revealing this...

varalotti · Mar 7, 2008

Shanthi,

In response to my love story, you have given two. What you say is true. It is very difficult for men to adjust to a life without their wives.

Rammohan's death struck a chord in me because, I am also dependent on my wife, much more than she on me.

We were listening to the condolence messages on Sujatha's death when Indhu and I were driving. I told Indhu that as a writer my goal in life will be to have a death like that of Sujatha. Mourned not only by his readers and fans, but also by his fellow-writers. Indhu hit me on my shoulders. The great writer Ja.Ra.Sundaresan has almost repeated what I told my wife.

But with the death of Stella Bruce I was dumb struck. I did not even talk about that to Indhu.

Sorry for having gotten a little too personal. Hope that Indhu does not read this.

love,

Varloo · Mar 9, 2008

Dear Sridhar,
people fight in their life for many things, against many things. There are women who live with a very bad husband, for the sake of their children, to protect them and make them live. There are men who slog in unknown countries with the sole motto of providing for their families, with out even a decent meal. There are many people who live life with pain every minute, with serious diseases, hoping that the situation would change.
After losing their whole family in tsunami, many people adopted children orphaned like them and provide a living for them.
But being a writer , he should not have taken this decision. Please o not mistake me, he was selfish, he thought about only himself. He did not even think of the grief that he will be giving his mother in her old age. Losing a child is the worst thing which can happen to a person.
And Hema did not really love him, I feel so. She should not have made him so dependant of her that he ended her life. Instead of making him strong with her love, he had made him weak. Such a love is destructive, as we can see.
I feel sad for his mother, rather than him. Please, I am expressing my thoughts and do not intent to hurt anybody.

Malathijagan · Mar 14, 2008

Dear Chithra,
I completely agree with you. Puthra Sokam is the worst kind of punishment which nature can bestow upon living creatures. I am a person who believes that suicide is not an answer to life's sufferings. May That impartial God give the courage to Stella Bruce's mother to tide over her sorrow at such a ripe age.
Dear Sridhar,
Sorry, I do not agree with your following statement(No offense meant)-
Code:
 Well, it is easy to say all these things. It is easy to let out some empty words of advice. But it is extremely difficult to place ourselves in the lonely, worn-out shoes of Stella Bruce. Unless one has a wife as loving as Hema, and unless one is as loving as Stella Bruce, it is impossible to pass any comment on the writer’s death. 
  
If suicide is the only answer to be rid of all life's problems, then this world's population would have drastically reduced a long time back.
Hmmm.... I can hear you repeating the words- "it is easy to say all these things. It is easy to let out some empty words of advice."
But sorry, I cannot go with you in this matter.Sorry for being brutally frank.
Warm regards,
Malathi

Malathijagan · Mar 14, 2008

Code:
And Hema did not really love him, I feel so. She should not have made him so dependant of her that he ended her life. Instead of making him strong with her love, he had made him weak. Such a love is destructive, as we can see.
Yes, Varloo. What you said is perfectly correct.A love that does not allow for expansion is not love at all. I feel Hema was possessive to the extent that she did not let her husband's love spread wings. It was an encaged love or entrapped love..
Regards,
Malathi