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A lil different and very shocking life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shobhamumbaikar, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Giving birth was for me such a personal and overwhelming thing that I would have freaked with the thought that my relatives would be in the waiting room. Of course they were informed as soon as everything was over and they came to visit the next day to the hospital. I have always wondered how do they royals cope with that stress. Having hoards of media waiting outside the hospital?

    I moved myself back to Finland from US to be closer to my mother (and the childrens other grandparents). I live within one hour drive from my daughters and see my grandkids very often.
     
  2. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    So he could take a leave for two weeks. Which is of course more than sufficient if it is a normal delivery. Two capable adults, one tiny bundle who sleeps 20 h/day (yes, waking up at weird times of he day) and all major household chores can be done in advance.

    Please show me some scientific evidence about the effects regarding fenugreek. Are you saying that child/mother mortality is higher in countries not eating fenugreek? Ghee is basically the same as butter - minus the water and milk protein. It is basically pure animal fat. Very good if you need calories, not very good if you do not need the calories.
     
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  3. sweetypi

    sweetypi Platinum IL'ite

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    @ Crayoness, Fenugreek is supposed to be good for lactation. I agree with you about ghee/butter though.
    Indians come with their own baggage, so while your points about new parents managing on their own are valid in their own light, they would be appalling to many people born and bred in India.

    And by the way, can anyone tell me what baby sugar is ? (i dont mean to hijack the thread)
     
  4. armummy

    armummy Platinum IL'ite

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    Trying to explain indian cultural context to someone who refuses to see cultural difference is like below saying


    Bhains ke saamne been bajana ( wasted effort)


    Bandar Ka Jaane adrak Ka swad ( you won't know unless you taste and experience it ) - this applies to both western and indian concepts


    Please don't take offence , I am
    Quoting the sayings as is .
     
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  5. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    So true Butterflyice. When my mom visits, I dont like her to cook or do other work in the house. She has done so much for all of us all her life that now I want her to do things she enjoys. But I love having her with us :)

     
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  6. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    The woman at the hospital who was going over the breast pump etc was talking about fenugreek and how healthy it is (and good for lactating mother) and she is American.

    Even in America (cannot speak for Europe), people are knowingly or unknowingly turning to food that Indians have grown up on- ghee, fenugreek, giving up/ cutting back on steak for beans , pulses and legumes, yogurt, and learning to use spices like cumin or turmeric etc.

    You may not agree with our food and practices- but leave us to it to figure it out. As long as we are happy with our choices (I know I am), we dont need people who dont understand our culture to teach us how to live.

    Crayoness- I agree with you that we should not expect free child care or help for months from our parents. We should not uproot them from their familiar surroundings for our conveniences. Most of all , men should be hands-on dad not shrik from baby care duties. I also agree young parents should take 95% of care of infant together as it strengtens the bond with child and each othetr. I agree all those are valid points.

    But please dont tell us how much our parents should visit us or how much of emotional bond we should share with our mom's or what kind of food we should eat post partum. It is not Indians but most other cultures are similar in that they share strong familial bonds. It is something enviable rather than something to be dismissive about.

     
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  7. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    I did not freak out that someone was waiting. I was comforted just as much as I felt when my husband was holding my hand. There are women who dont even like their husband in delivery room. Why should one criticize others choice?

    Different strokes for different folks.

     
  8. abla

    abla Gold IL'ite

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    This is U.S.A not Europe . My husband probably had 3 days off while I was in bad condition and baby in nursery and he was running between us and taking conference calls outside in waiting area/car . Do you think my mom should have waited comfortably in her home in India for "the call " ? . Well she decided to be " here " for her daughter .

    The other side of the story is not that pretty either . One of my best friends underwent a 24 hr labour and finally had the baby . After the picture taking and video graphing everyone left even before the friends and before stepping out her mom threw a question at her "How many days are you going to be in the hospital ? Hopefully you can make it for Thanks giving dinner " Yes she did make it for the dinner after a week of waiting in front of NICU mostly alone .Well she did ask her mom before hand whether she can take her annual leave around her delivery to which mom replied that she already had prior plans !!!! As an Indian I found this "culture " pretty shocking and selfish but yes I will not tell them not to follow their traditions or lack of it because it is their business in the end of the day.
     
  9. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Yes, I know the differences between US and Europe in that area. When I was in US my colleague got a baby but he took his annual vacation that time and it was planned in advance. But remember when we had a meeting with some of our European colleagues and they informed that the project manager is on paternity leave and not able to attend. The face of our US manager was priceless! "Paternity leave, what is that!"

    This "waiting for THE call" came from the situation when my first grandchild was born. My son-in-law informed me they are leaving to the hospital and after that total radio silence (understandable). I called my friends and sisters and complained and saying that there should be a direct videolink from the delivery room to nervous granmothers-to-be. They were laughing at me and telling me to patiently wait.

    I visited daily the hospital as lived quite closeby. But always checked with my daughter as some prefer to not have too many guests as they want to be with baby/hubby.
     
  10. tarasharma

    tarasharma Gold IL'ite

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    2 weeks is enough? A baby sleeps 20 hours a day?

    Why are we having this discussion. It is obvious you do not see what we are trying to say and we cannot even understand what you mean.
     

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