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A lil different and very shocking life

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by shobhamumbaikar, Apr 7, 2015.

  1. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    SGBV,

    This is the same thing I am saying. In this age and time there are fewer and fewer women who are dependent on others' help. Pregnancy is no different. It is a matter of involving parents, not being dependent on them. I don't think old parents are being inconvenienced. They can refuse to come in that case. Parents are more than happy and willing to contribute, and may take it as an offense, if they are not called. It is about having family share in your happiness.
     
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  2. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    All the more reason to keep the mils away during this time.:spin
     
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  3. Ragini25

    Ragini25 Platinum IL'ite

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    AprilLisa, Its not just the MILs, it is true that due to upbringing, some (not all) Ind men are uncomfortable with baby and home chores. Some adapt and some dont. Anyway each couple will bring up babies one way or another, no matter whether its the indian way or western way
     
  4. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Heard today that I will become a grandmother for the fifth time. Already started to plan for the delivery :D. My task will mainly be helping out with my daughters older daughter (6 yo). Will help with cleaning, grocery shopping if permitted. My older daughter will probably participate in the delivery. You have to be very sensitive, help and support but not push yourself as the young mother wants to be independent and need peace.
     
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  5. butterflyice

    butterflyice Local Champion Staff Member Platinum IL'ite

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    Congratulations @Crayoness!

    Glad to know you are finely attuned to the needs of your daughter and grandkids just as Indian moms are finely attuned to the needs of their daughters and grandkids.

    Isn't it fascinating how some cultures value interdependence and some, independence?
     
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  6. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    As said, this is my fifth time so I am experienced and know my place :D. Not to interfere, not to intrude, be in the background and let the parents handle.
     
  7. MalStrom

    MalStrom IL Hall of Fame

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    Congratulations!
     
  8. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks! I am still trying to not think too much. My daughter had a miscarriage a few months ago and it was tough. So I am trying to be cool - but my mind wandering into what clothes to by to the baby, will it be a boy or a girl etc. And remembering the hospital (where all my grandchildren are born). There is a small shop downstairs where you can buy flowers, cards etc. Four times been there buying a small porcelain shoe (either blue or pink) and every time cried so much that do not get a word out of my mouth. Last time the store attendant (recognizing me) asked that blue or pink shoe this time :D.
     
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  9. sdiva20

    sdiva20 Platinum IL'ite

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    @ Crayoness- Congrats on yet another grandchild!!!

    I too agree that your daughters are lucky that you are so tuned to their needs and know when to offer help and when to step back.

    @ Butterflyice- I wonder though if as human beings there is truly any culture that is totally independent. Total independence is just as detrimental as total interdependence. In a decade of living in US and having friends from different ethnicities, I have not seen any one culture that is totally independent to the point of indifference to their extended family. Starting from my own husband's family who is very close not just to parents and sibling, but to grand parents, uncles and aunts, cousins and niece and nephew. I have seen the same with most of my non- Indian friends same as my Indian friends.

    Too much inter-dependence where grown adults still relying on mom and dad for any and every decision is just as bad not to mention detrimental to happiness.

    I think the happy medium is what once should aspire for. Our parents are always our parents and we love and respect them no matter how high we rise in life. But that does not mean we cannot also be fully functional adults capable of living with certain level of independence and giving the love and affection to our spouse and children with out feeling guilty that we are betraying our own parents in doing so.

    Yes- I am looking at all those men who still have not figured this out when I am saying this. Those men who think showing sign of affection to their wives as a sign of weakness. And parents that perpetuate that myth resulting in the young couple living (mainly the woman) in discord all their lives till their son marries and then the new DIL comes and becomes the outsider and rest of them now on one team continuing the cycle of misery all over again. Our grand mother's suffered as did our mothers and not the current generation is still going through the same.

    There is pros and cons to everything and understanding them and know our own limits and boundaries is very important regardless of culture. Boundaries are very important - yes with parents and even with children. If there are no boundaries, it only causes heartache as many here knows from their own experience.

     
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