A guys story !

Naksh · Jun 18, 2010

You said, "this is not silly and it is life". You are right. this is not silly, lives are at stake. You played with a girl's life. That is for sure. Also sure, that she can find a happy life now, but her time has been wasted, and this wasted time would have its effects on her.

How do you think any one would react to being told 'they are unattractive and their spouse is attracted to some one else?'. Does not matter when you tell or where you tell. this is pure bulls.

Dont find what Girl B's doing. This will not work either.

ArchanaP · Jun 18, 2010

CanWait said: ↑

Yes Arch it is feasible. The bride can get an annulment if she can prove that the man had had a love interest and he was never physical with her. That would be a valid reason to dissolve the marriage. There are clauses for annulment and not all cases can get one. But when the court sends out an order it might be against the man. The man will have issues when he scouts the second time!

We can also debate what if the lady had a relationship with someone else. So that cannot be the cause per se, but the man's affair is a big time issue for the court and they can dissolve it.
Click to expand...

Canwait, thanks for the knowledge. But I think the law should be fair for both men and women.

RadiantCat · Jun 18, 2010

Law I guess is fair these days. As mentioned Annulment cannot be granted on all accounts. It can be granted only on certain clauses. When it is given on those clauses, it affects the party that's found guilty. It could either be a man or a woman. You can check this discussion.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/l...l-hindu-marriage-urgent-help.html#post1107042

Priya16 · Jun 18, 2010

OP,

Whatever may be your wife perspective about the marraige,you are no less than her.You also went to marraige without clear understanding what you want.Same way your wife also wanted to get one hubsand withou trying to understand that other person.It could be simply her or her parents influnce whatever may be the case.No one is at less fault.
Any women would get offenced after the marraige if her husband is not interested on her.It could be a divastating for any women and not just for your wife.
You need to put yur legs in women shoe.Do you have a sister.What if,if her marriage also turned the same way like your wife?
Any girl who married according to her parents wish,would only can go to them if she has problem in her marraige.Anyhow whatever happened happned but you are more than at fault than your wife.
Atleast 50% of the marriages won't start with love but they establish love and affection there after.
With your fanatacy world you try to stay away from your wife.
All the best.Life won't be easy as you dream and you would understand eventually.No women is perfect for your fanatacy and dreams.Each one will come with there own lagguage and you need to understand other person pros and cons.

All the best.

maggi99 · Jun 18, 2010

Canwait, its something I had never heard of and thanks clairfying.

Foundlove · Jun 18, 2010

OP,

You are trying to blame this on someone else whereas this was your fault to begin with. Just because you did not express your feelings for Girl B and Girl A seemed to be an easy way out... you took it.

Then you tried to be mean and judgemental to Girl A. She called her parents because she did not know what to do. She is in a strange place with a strange man and have no one else to lean on and this guy is being cruel to her what was she supposed to do?

You doomed the marriage from beginning as you went into it with doubts and feelings of having to settle although you deserve better.

If you want a woman's perspective.. you need to work on your own issues first before you try for another relationship.

Good Luck
FL

kumudh · Jun 18, 2010

ey Oneuser,

Am sorry, you become a loner but time has an answer for every trouble in life. Chill out & don't go back to past or think about it... you said it all .. its bitter. Forget & forgive. Only then we could be peaceful inside. Hearing your side of story, I can only say couple things... you seem to waver in decision making abilities & you think have the vision how your partner to be but your confused & don't know really what you want b/c it withers every time. Your initial gut feeling about Gal A is right, but you didn't pursue it to the end.. seem satisfied once she talked nice which you mistaken " very cooperative" What this word cooperative on which basis you agreed to marry her.? seeing a gal for an hour and decide she seem very forthcoming, open and be a good fit... isn't a choice I wouldn't make on that ground. Secondly Gal B in the office too disturbed you a bit... you did waver again at that point too when it was at infancy & might be possible to pursue your interest had you listened to your initial gut feeling. You could have firmly stopped the Gal A had you firmly told parents somehow you are not feeling alright for Gal A at least they would have put a stop to the further down the road journey.. instead you dithered & wanted to stay course to Gal A going to the extent of asking boss for timeout of India.. again you yourself went out of a relationship that seem coming to you way. Again, you withered when everything said & done, are in a serious marriage, that too anyone will upset a women in her honeymoon? No wonder she cried & talked to her parents... which you take offence. Although you both are immature but at least she seem better than you in maturity b/c she did tell you it all happens & now is the time to think forward... you didn't take that advise seriously.. Well, its all over now.. & you didn't write what made the divorce bitter.. Anyway forgive & forget...

You probably have to chill out for some time. Being a guy who has some fantasy how a girl should be, has some expectations, but not sure clearly what it is that you wanted, it is better for you to stay in some relationship that comes to you rather than you seek, try out the relationship that comes to you & then after few years, you should see if marriage is right for you. That seem to better way for you. Now you have got your baggage, be discreet in telling the new gal what is really important. don't vomit everything, talk less & work more on your skills to judge a person. As some one said, martial relationship is a serious thing, you can't waver so much. Clear your thoughts on rotten person etc.. Beauty is an inner thing, not outside. Love is also same, its a chemistry not f actuation.

Best of luck for your next gal & you will do good, don't worry. Be positive & take time to develop relationship.

Malyatha · Jun 19, 2010

I still don't get half the story.

Why would you not consummate your marriage with your wife? And, if she was able to get an annulment by proving that you had a love interest, then does it not have to be something concrete for the court to agree with her on that count??? Does a vague infatuation with a girl-at-the-office which whom you had no real interaction actually count as a 'love interest'???

RadiantCat · Jun 19, 2010

Malyatha, we know only 20% of the story. As mentioned, annulment cannot be given for all scenarios. The lady that's filing for annulment must have a strong evidence that the marriage is invalid.

1. The man must go for potency test and must be proved as impotent
2. The lady must prove that it is not a mere infatuation but something more severe and deeper.
3. If point 2 is proved in a very short span the court would consider an annulment.

I am not sure about the annulment procedures.

I recently heard this news that one lady filed for divorce just after the nuptial night because she just could not meet the man's demands.

It is unclear how long the OP has been married.

oneuser · Jun 19, 2010

Thanks again for all your replies, I would like to reiterate that I was not trying to blame anybody at all, I just quoted the facts of my case and I dont know how few of the members here have got an idea that I was trying to put all the blame on my ex, if that were really the case I would not have come here, it would be far lesser simpler for me to think that my ex is the reason and move on with my life happily for everafter.

Now, I would like to mention another point that I do not really want to discuss anymore on what kind of separation mine was if that was not a divorce, as it is very hurting for me to discuss about the same, well by the way for me it actually is divorce.

And few people have indicated that my mistakes -- or blunders -- are unforgivable, so what must I do, commit suicide ? I would like to tell them that if you read religious books you would understand that no sin is unforgivable, only thing is all sins must require some redemption deeds, and suicide is certainly not one of those !

And to list to you people as to what kinds of redemption deeds I went through or what tests of redemption I had to go through here are few, my initial follies notwithstanding though I would maintain that even those were very inadvertent in nature and due to me not knowing a women's thinking much, I tried my best to keep the marriage, even if it hurt my pride quite a few times, even if I was insulted few times and I took it -- please dont ask details -- even if I was threatened few times I took it, my honey would psysche me up by crying for no good reasons and would discuss with her friends about what I did to her and what I did not do and then come to me and tell me what her friends opinions were, and after setting me up as a monster even in my own parents view, my honey would set forth some conditions for the marriage to get along, needless to mention the conditions were harsh, and if I didnt comply with those I would face dire consequences, and I had to face them too including spending some time in judicial remand -- again do not ask details please -- . after then I loose my job and of course the separation was ineveitable then but not without costs, it costed me quite a lot, and now I am still trying to find a decent job after two years of separation.

Now if that was good for redemption I would want to move on with my life, I really did not want to write the last paragraph but some of your responses made me to write it, and I could only do without some of your hostility !

Thanks