A guys story !

Hello All,
First of all I am new to this forum so a big hello to all and I am here coz I see that there quite a few broken hearts here and myself been a broken heart before so I am trying to see if there is anything common with me here.

I am here not for any advice nor to give an advice but to know the female perspective -- a neutral female -- for the failure of my marriage, my marriage failed and it was a bad separation. here I account some personal and intricate details of what was my marriage and I present here in all honesty only facts and no lies and would want to know a female perspective as to what I did wrong in my marriage. No blame games is what I want to do, do not want to blame my ex or take the blame for myself, but just like to know if I am I too odd for a marriage. Hope you guys/girls like my story.

Here we go, I meet a girl A in a traditional Indian setting at her home for a prospective alliance, I was there for about 1 hour and we just saw each other for some time and mostly the time was spent with me talking to her parents and I and the girl did not had any one on ones with each other during this time. not even for a single moment

And as it happened the match does not materialise for reasons not very important so lets ignore them. personally I didnot favor this match as I sensed the girls family is very rich compared to us say to the ratio 1:4 and thats too much for me

so we ignore this match and move on with life and nearly six months passes and I like a girl B from my office but do not know if she likes me and since it is office so I donot take a chance to express my interest to her and life keeps moving on

outside office I keep meeting more girls in the same traditional indian manner-- about 1 every month -- and nothing materialises and life goes on for another one year.

Nearly after one year my parents bang in to a relative who is common to us and the girl A and he says she is still unmarried and would you be interested, at this time I was away from India on an official visit

My parents talk to me and ask my interest, I say yes thinking I give it another try with this girl A.

and even as I was thinking to give this match another try I get a message from my parents that the girls side is interested in marriage meaning they agreed for marriage and this at a time when I did not even had a one on one with the girl, now that puzzled me, the girl is very highly educated and from an affluent family and how could she get agreed to marry to virtually a stranger, so I become skeptical about this marriage and loose some of my interest already. but I do not agree to marriage yet. I say that how can I agree to marry some one who I know nothing about but just how she looks and I would take none of it from my parents persistance and maintain that I would take any decision upon coming to india and after a one on one with her.

my parents agree but soon after I get news that the girls parents do not want to wait so longer till I come to india back and they need me to tell them some decision either immediately or ASAP, now this puzzles me even more, and I loose more interest and I also wonder why would some one agree to marry so soon and without knowing properly the other person, so I decide to talk with the girls family myself to find out why they are so anxious and so soon. So I call at their house and her father picks up the phone. he does not speak to me any more than expressing more anxiety, "we would want to know your decision please let us know now or by tomorrow" and the more I stay on call the more he says the same thing, I regretfuuly end the call totally annoyed with this person, and talk back to my parents and say that I am annoyed with this person and at this time I really feel no interest in this match, but my parents would have none of it, they convince me to take another chance and this time to talk with the girl herself over phone, so I take another chance and talk to the girl over phone and over chat in the internet and try to know about her, interestingly the girls never really opens up. and we do not seem to be connecting with each other, but the girl makes me know that she is too interested in me -- some kind of obsessive interest. after talking to her over one week and I know that she is not the 'one' so I tell the same to my parents. But my parents would still have none of it. They would say that I am purposefully avoiding this girl just becoz her father annoyed me the other day and they would say I need to take another chance and this time may be meet up with this girl in person. and so I give it another chance and meet her up after nealr one month time, This time I like her and due to her cooperative nature -- my first impressions -- so I decide that since she is so cooperative so I can take a plunge, so even if she is too rich compared to me or I really did not think she is very attractive ( looks wise) I take the plunge only becoz I see that she is very cooperative and after that we both are engaged.

Soon after I got engaged I come to know that the girl B is interested in me, she smiles at me and makes gestures at me and she is doing all this only since I am back in India office and she does not know I am engaged already, in fact no one in my office knows. I need to mention here that girl B is a very attractive and also very good natured, I know about her nature too since I have been seeing her for nearly 18 months. So at this time I am very depressed coz this girl B is one I used to fancy quite and to think that now when she expresses her interest to me I am not available to reciprocate it -- afterall dont we all live for these moments -- . Now I also begin to feel concerned that as a guy engaged to girl A I must not have any more business with girl B, but my heart would have none of it and I really become very nervous on this issue. So I talk to my boss and ask him if could go out of india again, and fortunately or unfortunately he agrees and I am off out of india almost within one week after. I did this just so that I do not screw up at both ends and to keep away from girl B coz the emotions were getting stronger everyday

and I leave India for another four months and while I am out of india I talk regularly to my fiancee in order to know more about her and to let her know about me too, in all of this I come to know that the girl B left our office for good, to pursue some other job, so I feel relieved now that I would not end up messing up my life when I am back in India. So I am back in India after four months and nearly one month before my marriage to girl A

During this last one month before my marriage I and my fiancee used to go out for shopping and during this time I come to know more about her and as I know more about her I once again start becoming disinterested in her. And all this almost just few weeks before marriage and nearly two weeks before marriage I talk to my fiancee and tell her that I am not so excited about our marriage and I also tell her about the girl B of my life, now she sounds more cooperative, saying she too admired some body in the past and that she too felt the same way like I am doing now, but over time people tend to get over their fascinations and I too would. I just cant believe she could be so cooperative, but anyway she would not call off the marriage and would not even give any thought about calling it off. But I am disgruntled and would want to avoid this marriage but now cant do it, as I sense it is too late.

So finally in an anti climax I get married to my fiancee, and all the celebrations take a while to subside -- nearly one week -- and then we are off to honey moon, and much against to my wife's expectations I was quite subdued and to speak frankly we did not had much fun therefor few reasons one I did not get over girl B and two my wife is in periods and I do not want to do it like that. and let me admit it that I was not feeling to do it with her anytime soon and I tell her about the same that I need some time to get over my past. And after this as I just go to get a meal for both of us when I return I see she is talking to her parents and in tears, I try to figure out as whats wrong she withdraws herself from me and is now in more tears and I am shocked to see this and also terrified. next thing I pick up her phone to see that it is her parents on the other side and as I say hello I listen to some threatening and disturbed voices from the other side. I was then terrified and tell her parents that I was just playing a prank on her and she has taken it too seriously and I assure them all will be right and give me just few minutes time, so that was my first day in honey moon, later I tell my wife --angrily, that she should have not talked to her parents about what I told her and now I cannot show them my face and I am really terrified to face them. I say to her that though I understand how she feels I said that all that I said to her only to let her know how I feel and to let her know that I need some time to get into our relationship.

But my wife was a different kind of person all together than what I thought and would tell even this to her parents and this time when I am in bathroom and as I just come out of bath room, I see her again in tears and on phone but this time I am not terrified coz this is really annoying to me that she again did the same thing which I said to her that it is terrifying to me. So I really try to pretend that I did not see her talking to her parents this time and go back to bath and come out after some time, so that is second day of honey moon. and we had four more days of honey moon and I and her try to spend as much good time as possible and I never again bring up the topic of my past with her either during the honey moon or during the course of our marriage. We come back from our honey moon in a weeks time and she goes to her parents to stay there for one week and after which she joins me and we never had any good time in our marriage and eventually our marriage broke -- and there is lot more to how our marriage broke this is again some very long story , but in all one could say that the foundations of our marriage have not been very strong. Our marriage eventually broke and it was a bitter end -- I leave it to your imaginations about how bitter it was, and I loose everything in my life after that.

And there is another fallacy to our marriage which I did not not to mention till now and that fallacy was due to me and it was my obsession with beauty in a girl, though my wife has quite decent looks and is very presentable, but I always thought she was not very beautiful. so if one would ask why did I marry her, the answer is as I told you that during the time I did a one on one with her I understood that she is a very cooperative person and liked her for that very much.


Right now I am not really sad that my marriage failed but I miss the girl B still. So I have a feeling if I am a rotten person. I would want to know !


Thanks