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A Good Touch and Bad a Touch.

Discussion in 'Schoolgoers & Teens' started by Shanvy, Jun 17, 2008.

  1. Jithiks

    Jithiks Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Shanvy,

    An imperative and ongoing topic ! This is the topic of the hour,day and night. And over here, it is reinforced time and again.

    Now, this is the most misleading way to teach the girls that may curb even genuine conversation at school,colleges and work place between girls and boys.



    Shanthi, as AC pointed out, it is quite late already ! If your daughter were here, she would be in middle school studying in 7th grade. By this time, the children (both boys and girls) are given different sessions at school ( in both elementary and middle schools), according to their grade level, with prior permission from parents, and taught about "Good touch and Bad touch".

    We are given a detailed form explaining what the discussion is going to be and whether we are comfortable with our kids being exposed to these topics !! This is an excellent way to introduce the kids to these kind of circumstances.

    One more thing, the incidents that you mentioned happen anywhere in the world. It is the responsibility of the parents to explain,monitor and discuss these aspects with their children.



    My children are dropped and picked up from school by us (me and my hubby) . But this may not be possible for all parents, especially when they are in a hurry to get ready for work. Again, our instincts need to be tuned up apart from advising our children about any awkward moments/happenings etc at school or in the bus. This can be extended to after school activities too.

    We need to cultivate a routine of discussing both the happy and troubling events throughout the day after they come back from school..that way..they open up automatically without us prodding them for information. Personally, the best time will be just before they go to bed, when I read them stories and we relate certain real life events to the stories and vice versa. They open up so well and this wonder never ceases to amaze me..just a small contribution from the parents..goes a long way !!



    Yes, this fear will be uprooted, once the children realise that they can discuss anything with their parents without any inhibitions and "taboo" coined by parents themselves.

    Again, here the doctors encourage the parents to start talking about these sensitive topics to their children from an young age. Especially, when the children reach the puberty period, doctors insist that moms teach these to their daughters and dads to their sons. If not, (in case of single parents) they appoint counselors for these sessions ! I was really amazed.

    In India, there is still a stigma attached to these topics and makes the children all the more curious. When half these things are already shown in television,movies and magazines, why should we pave way for confusion rather than clarity?

    Better to sit down, and explain to the children in a way they can understand, instead of threatening and instilling fear in them. Making them scared will have a detrimental effect. A balanced approach needs to be sustained.

    Thanks for resurfacing this much needed topic.

    Cheers
    Krithika
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2008
  2. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Ramya,

    Thanks for joining me here. Yes my point is all kids are to be educated. not girls alone. boys are equally vulnerable.

    YEs it is the duty of the parents. let us wait for more views....
     
  3. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    AC dear,

    Thanks for stepping in here.
    It is not about charu. Charu has complete idea of what is going on and how to protect herself. I am wondering about the small children who are asked to stop touching, talking to boys. and also scaring them that they are bad.
    (That is how the neighbour has taught the child..) What i mean if the teaching of good and bad is enough, because what is learnt in the recent surveys is the abusers are mostly very known and persons who move in the circle of the parents...if so how will the child differentiate between the good and bad...




    I know people will question my question on the thought process. Just assume you have a good friend. but you have told the small girl you are not to talk or go near the person. you girl is being trained to question every action of the friend, family and every male...IT does happen. So we should be careful in handling the issue and how we approach and teach them is the very key to addressing this problem

    Thanks for being here.....
     
  4. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Jithiks,

    For stepping in. It is a sensitive and very necessary topic of the year.

    It is not about my daughter. She has been taught about it. She is in the 8th grade right now. and we have told her, talked about the different aspect of all these issues.

    And also to my DS about certain issues.

    Yes, these are happening at the drop of a hat in all places. it is the responsiblity of the parents to talk, m oniton and also keep observing the children.

    My kids go by the school bus. I keep tabs on the driver. I try to maintain a good relationship with the school bus conductors and driver. And follow up if they are even five minutes late. And since both of them talk about the happenings at school and bus, I am blessed to be aware of what is happening.



    Yes. the fear needs to be uprooted. I know in some cases, instead of helping the children, they question the children what did you do get that kind of attention..Rant. again the parents are to be blamed.

    There is stigma attached to t hese topics only in certain section of the people.I definitely feel instead of half cooked ideas, knowledge, if we talk to them about it, instead of putting a fear, it would be better. when i means will it affect the thought process i meant about the detrimental effect.

    You are welcome. I had to resurface this topic again after talking to the parent,and I did not know how to make her understand that what she is trying to do is wrong (as she took a stand, that you will leave after a month i am the one who has to look after my daughter..bonk)

    I also know lot of mother in our site having little ones...this would be a better platform for a healthy discussion and even if few are clear, it is the success of this discussion...
     
  5. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Got you now.. understood where you were going.. Thanks for bringing in this awareness
    You are there in FP now for this thread.. I was going to do it yesterday but went to sleep and when i went to nominate today its already been nominated
    you absolutely deserve the accolades:) keep writin:)


     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Hi AC,

    From the number of threads i start in the school goers, you should already know I care too much about kids.

    That is the reason I wrote about this..Thanks for thinking of nominating. Let me go and thank the nominator...
     
  7. Kamla

    Kamla IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Shanvy,

    It is the motherly concern in you which made you start this thread on the good and bad touch. It is a subject which needs to be revived every now and then as this is a forum with many young mothers raising children in the present day and age.

    I don't know if this is only the curse of today or had always existed and not spoken aloud. Whatever, fact remains that it is not an easy job to raise happy and healthy children no matter where in the world you live.

    I loved Rajmiarun's reply here, she speaks with some experience and knowledge.
    It is very very important to nurture a friendly relationships with your child and encourage talk on every subject. If the parent does not talk to them, who else can?
    Congrats Shanvy, once again, you make it to the FP forum with this thread:)

    L, Kamla
     
  8. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Kamla,

    I have to just say thanksBow. (chala busiga undi kudaa, meeru parugu paruguna, vacchi jawabulu rasey theeruki...).

    Anyway, this is a topic that has been troubling me for some time. and more so after watching news (I sometimes think i should not..but i am one addict)
    What worked yesterday does not work today. we need to be always one up and more sharper to take care of our loved ones.

    I also agree with rajmi's replies. she has given good pointers. that is the purpose of this thread. even if it helps a few mom's to prepare their kids better, it is a success.

    Lot of parents don't find much time between gossip, comparing and the idiot box . I wish parents gave quality time to the kids.

    You need to be a friend and parent at the same time, and balance the show well that the child should feel that he/she can always come to the parent...
     
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  9. Swethasri

    Swethasri Platinum IL'ite

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    I want to give life to this thread again. I got a forward,more like an awareness of Child Sex Abuse, then i thought to share it in my home here! This thread goes only 1 and half pages?? why?? All mothers, please share here whatever your thoughts and keep this thread alive. Its very very important to reach out to all mothers to protect our children because this particular child sex abuse is happening everyday in all over the world. During parenting sometimes we miss this part to teach our children which may end up in very bad experience for the whole family. So lets keep talking and sharing.......
     
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  10. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Mine is 2 years and 4 months old. So far I have not really taught her about the good touch and the bad touch. Actually, here she is always accompanied by my DH and I where ever we go. the only other person who takes care of her in our absence is our daycare provider (did a back ground check, took parents references etc. even if I have to tell her about the bad touch, I dont know where to begin.

    As of now, I have taught her the below:

    1. That she should not let anyone change her diaper or cloths if its not me/DH/daycare provider.
    2. That she should say "No. Stop" loudly if something is being done and she is not comfortable with it. There were times when I hug her she asked me to stop and I respect that and stop immediately.
    3. I encourage her to tell me how her day went at the daycare. Though she is unable to really articulate, I think she knows what I am asking.

    Other than that...not sure where to begin.

    And in all honesty, its no longer a girl and boy thing. Both genders are falling prey to these abuses lately.
     
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