A Funny letter

Discussion in 'Jokes' started by Reenae, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. Reenae

    Reenae Bronze IL'ite

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    The Inscrutable Americans: A funny letter.
    Dear brother,

    greetings to respectful parents. I am hoping all is well with health and
    wealth. I am fine at my end. Hoping your end is fine too. With God's
    grace and parents' blessings I am arriving safely in America and finding
    good apartment near University. Kindly assure mother that I am strictly
    consuming vegetarian food only in restaurants though I am not knowing if
    cooks are Brahmins. I hope parents' prayers are residing with me.

    Younger brother, I am having so many things to tell you that I am not
    knowing where to sart. Most surprising thing about America is it is full
    of Americans. Everywhere Americans, Americans, big and white, it is
    little frightening. The flight from New Delhi to New York is arriving
    safely thanks to God's grace and Parents' prayers and mine too. I am not
    able to go to bathroom whole time because I am sitting in corner seat as
    per revered grandmother's wish. Father is rightly scolding that airplane
    is flying too high to have good view. Still please tell her I have done

    But, brother, in next two seats are sitting two old gentle ladies and if
    I am getting up then they are put in lot of botheration so I am not
    getting up for except when plane is stopping for one hour in London.
    Many foods are being served in carts but I am only eating cashew nuts
    and bread because I am not knowing what is food and what is meat.
    I am having a good time drinking 37 glasses of Coca-Cola.

    They are rolling down a screen and showing a film but I am not listening
    because air hostess ladies are selling head phones for 2 dollars which
    is Rs.60 and in our beloved Jajau townwe can sit in balcony seats in
    Regal Talkies for only Rs.3. I am asking lady if they are giving student
    discount but she is too busy. I am also asking her for more Coca-Cola
    but she is looking like she is weeping and walking away. I think perhaps
    she is not understanding proper English.

    Then I am sleeping long time after London and when I am waking it is
    like we are flying over sea of lights. Everywhere, brother, as far as I
    am seeing there are lights lights. It is like God has made carpet of
    lights. Then we are landing in New York and plane is going right upto
    door so that we are not having to walk in cold. I must say Americans are
    very advanced. And as I am leaving aeroplane, air hostess is giving me
    one more can of Coca-Cola. Her two friends are also with her, but why
    they are laughing so much I do not know. I think these Americans are
    strange but friendly people in their hearts. I hope she was not laughing
    for racial. Perhaps she was feeling shy earlier.

    Then I am going to long bathroom. As I am leaving I am making first
    friend in America. This is Negro gentleman named Joe who is standing at
    door and as I am opening it he is holding out hand so I am shaking it
    and telling him my name and he is tellng me his. I am telling him if he
    is ever coming to Jajau he can ask for National Hair Oil Factory. If I
    have not returned from Higher Studies please tell father that if negro
    gentleman named Joe is visiting Jajau he may kindly do needful.

    In this way I feel each and every one of us is serving as Ambassador of
    our beloved Motherland. Joe is doubtful I feel because he says "Far out,
    man, far out", but I am reassuring him that India is only 16 hours away
    by plane and that is not very far. I think he is accepting this because
    he is not saying anything any more.

    Next I go to place marked " Baggage" as Father has advised and suddenly
    place I am sitting starts to move throwing me. It is like python we once
    saw in forest, only rattling and with luggage bouncing on its back and
    sometimes leaping to attack passengers. I am also throwing myself on bag
    before it is escaping. I think if I am not wrestling it down it would
    revert to plane and back home to India. I am only joking of course.
    Before this I am meeting very friendly gentleman at Immigration desk. I
    do not know why all relatives had warned against this man, bacause he is
    so friendly. He is talking English strangely but is having kind heart
    because he is asking me about nuts and I am saying that I am liking very
    much and eating many on plane. "Totally, totally nutss," he is saying,
    which I feel American expression for someone fond of cashewnuts. Before
    this he is showing friendliness by asking "How is it going?" I am telling
    his fully and frankly about all problems and hopes, even though you may
    feel that as American he may be too selfish to bother about decline in
    price of hair oil in Jajau town. But, brother, he is listening very
    quietely with eyes on me for ten minutes and then we are having friendly
    talk about nuts and he is wanting me to go.

    At Customs, brother, I am getting big shock. One fat man is grunting at
    me and looking cleverly from small eyes. "First visit?" he is asking,
    "Yes," I am agreeing "Move on," he is saying making chalk marks on bags.
    As I am picking up bags he is looking directly at me and saying "Watch
    your ass." Now, brother, this is wonderful. How he is knowing we are
    purchasing donkey? I think they are knowing everything about everybody
    who is coming to America.

    They are not allowing anybody without knowing his family and financial
    status and other things. And we are only buying donkey two days before
    my departure. I think they are keeping all information in computers.
    Really these Americans are too advanced.

    But, brother, now I am worrying. Supposing this is CIA keeping watch or
    else how they can know about our donkey? Anyway please do not tell Mother
    and Father or they are worrying, but lock all doors and windows. If CIA
    wants to recruit me to be spy in Jajau, I will gladly take poison before
    betraying our Motherland. Then I am going out and cousins are waiting and
    receiving me warmly. I will write soon after settling down.

    Your brother,

    ---------------------------------------------- end of letter


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