1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice
  2. Would you like to join the IL team? See open jobs!
    Dismiss Notice
  3. Liked anything that you read here? You may nominate it as the Finest Posts!
    Dismiss Notice
  4. What can you teach someone online? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice
  5. If someone taught you via skype, what would you want to learn? Tell us here!
    Dismiss Notice

A friendly suggestion for those having marital problems!!!

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by mridusudha, Jun 12, 2010.

  1. mridusudha

    mridusudha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,269
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    This is a friendly suggestion for all those having marital problems and NO KIDS..

    If you are having problems in your marriage please for god's sake don't try to get pregnant to fix your marriage!!! Though we are in the 21st century it seems like the Indian society (mainly parents, In-laws, other elders etc) still think that it is good to have kids to fix the problems in a marriage...Don't fall into this trap when elders advise you to have kids to fix your marital problems...

    Lately I have seen/heard about so many couples who had kids to fix their marriage problems..Neither their marriages got fixed nor the issues between the husband and wife sorted out...Ultimately keeping the kid hanging in air!!! Infact the problems got escalated and most of them are for a temporary separation or a permanent one (Divorce) for few!!!

    So please don't bring an innocent life into this world in an attempt to fix your marital problems...

    .My heart goes out for all the babies who might not have or will not have both the parents to take care of them...

    This is just a sincere request and not aiming at any one particular...

    Thanks for reading.
     
    Loading...

  2. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,555
    Likes Received:
    99
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you for this post.

    Well meaning elders keep doling out this advice "Have a baby and it will fix your marriage". When one tells them it is B.S., then they get upset :)

    But I actually had this discussion in some "tangent" fashion in one IL thread, and I remember a few IL-ites saying that in "some special circumstances" their advice may work out - it will remove time from parents to engage in petty fights :biglaugh
    I think I agree with IL-ites on that part :)
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
  3. peartree

    peartree Platinum IL'ite

    Messages:
    2,141
    Likes Received:
    3,087
    Trophy Points:
    283
    Gender:
    Female
    I must say this is true to an extent in my case! Of course, it wasn't like we were abusing each other or facing very serious issues, but after being married for 3.5 yrs and each of us getting busy with school/work etc, we just seemed to have lost track of focus and realized that we were missing something somewhere. Some arguments started creeping in for the silliest things we realized that this is because we had started being the sole focus of each other, so much so that every little shortcoming in each person was beginning to get on the other's nerves.

    Once we decided that we should think about having a baby, it almost felt like we should be working together towards this (obviously, but I am not talking about the physical act of making a baby) and that helped us gain quite a lot of perspective! Now that we are expectant parents, I must say that we certainly have mellowed down a lot, simply because we have something more exciting to focus on, instead of just being in each other's hair all the time. So life's good :)
     
  4. Spiderman1

    Spiderman1 Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    4,555
    Likes Received:
    99
    Trophy Points:
    130
    Gender:
    Male
    Hmm...You give me some ideas :idea :idea:idea

    But, then I read some MST posts on work-life-kid balance :hide:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2010
  5. libra4164

    libra4164 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    396
    Likes Received:
    73
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    An excellent suggestion. Please ladies first of all do not get married just because you are both eligible. Find out his life style, family back ground etc. Nothing gets sorted out after marriage. If families cannot get along, think again. Its better to have your daughter at home then to dump her in an abusive relationship.
    And if you have already made the mistake then as said very nicely and specifically, do not bring kids in this mess. See what you can give your child and not what your child will bring you.
     
  6. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Certain problems in marriage are solved with kids. Some men and women do not act responsible unless they get into more responsibility. I have heard and seen some women having EMA before kid and after kid they get guilt feeling and they stop. Also vice versa can be true, that is men doing something like smoking, drinking, EMA which may harm marriage or spouse not liking but with kids around a person giving it up. There are all kinds of e.g

    One cannot make a sweeping statement those in marital problems dont have kids, that is not right. It depends on what kind of problems and intensity.

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2010
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,284
    Likes Received:
    28
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Male
    Pardon me, there are women too who dump men, and men too who can be said to have made mistakes by marrying to their wives. So are you trying to say that only women are suffering and getting dump? or is it that a woman should dump a man but not otherwise?

    On a side note there are couples who knew each other for years, everything about each other, and yet could not live together for long . The husband wife chemistry is unpredictable, and one can only hope but cannot be 100 % sure...

     
  8. mridusudha

    mridusudha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,269
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Spiderman,

    I agree with you partly. When a couple is having silly or pointless fights then may be the elder solutions will work..

    What I am trying to say is when couples have MAJOR problems like emotional or physical or mental abuse then couples should step back and think "If they really want to be together and make a baby"...In such cases "Parents" suggestions will not work..That's what I am trying to say...

    Hope this thread will be an eye opener for all those silent readers out there who are having problems..

     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 12, 2010
  9. gjaya

    gjaya Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,305
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    68
    Gender:
    Female
    Well then........get busy Spidey. :rotfl
     
    Last edited: Jun 12, 2010
  10. mridusudha

    mridusudha Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    1,269
    Likes Received:
    36
    Trophy Points:
    83
    Gender:
    Female
    Tridev,

    Even I agree that some problems in marriage are solved with kids.
    But I am talking more about grave problems may be something like emotional/physical/mental abuse from either of the spouses...

    Recently a girl I know through a friend faced the same situation. She has been undergoing physical, mental and emotional abuse for the past 6 yrs of her married life...Every one told her to adjust and have a kid to solve her marriage problems... She is educated very well and is working in a reputable company but she got carried away by elders...She has a 6 month old baby...Finally she decided she cannot take the abuse anymore and is ready for separation...

    Why couldn't she decide to get out of the relationship earlier? Why did she and her husband decide to get a baby into this world when things did not work for them....The only reason I see is "Parental pressure"!!!

    Whateverr is the reason, the baby is left no where!!!

     

Share This Page