OP @chanchitra, sorry for the walls of text. Why all this heavy writing? Honestly, I don’t know. What frustrates me no end is how easily parenting decisions are judged, with idealized, noble outcomes prescribed, yet no one offers a clear, actionable roadmap for how exactly the parents are supposed to reach those goals. If you're going to criticize a parenting choice or style, at least offer a real suggestion for what the parent should do instead. Otherwise, it’s just empty criticism. Parenting has been the hardest, toughest thing I’ve ever done. The sleepless nights, the agonizing phases, the overwhelming moments, sometimes, it felt unbearable. But there were also the moments of pure joy. In comparison, the responsibility and life of parents like Napolean must be a million times harder. I'm not sure if I could look them in the eye and say they’re wrong in their approach to securing their son’s future, should they predecease him. Because if they asked me for an alternative, I wouldn't have one.
Yes. This Marriage was done for Dhanush as like any Marriage is done. To have a spouse for love. Emotional and physical needs. Any US State provides for caregivers for Adults with disabilities. Of course there are shortage of people . Napoleon can easily hire caregivers privately too. Many in India and here don't know how the system works here. I very well know how it works being a parent myself.
You just hit the nail on the head here. There are many Girl's living like this. Some just agree to sex with husband even when not interested because they can't leave the marriage. It is painful for a girl to have uninterested sex. Can't explain more here.
Wow. Thank you for explaining it so clearly. What's a wrong example in this Marriage is beyond my understanding. All Arranged Marriages in India are transactional with many in this group doing such a marriage. I have seen umpteen posts here from Indian woman asking advice on how to navigate the abuse from inlaws and spouse. My Inlaws took all my gold and salary How can I get it back?. Lol
Oh No sorry. I am thankful to you for writing what was exactly in my mind. I didn't reply to those negative comments earlier because I am a special needs parent myself and don't know kind of got cold feet. I felt members will think iam justifying this marriage because of my situation
Some perfect marriages have happened. Then turns out guy is Asexual, gay, or some medical problem. I have a friend A. She is an engineer, worked in IT. Married to a guy working in USA. Arranged marriage. Moved to US. Husband was not doing any sex with her. She was shy in the beginning. Didn't confront But later when she started asking him. His replies were I have dated many girls here and have had lots of sex. So not interested anymore. I don't like your body type. Good girls don't ask for sex. There is a 6 yr age gap between them She itself believed that she doesn't have the perfect body that he likes. I was mortified when she told me all this This girl is beautiful in every way. He has gaslighted her totally. When she told her parents all this and wanted to Divorce , her parents didn't allow her. She continued the marriage. After 6 yrs, due to peer pressure, got pregnant through IUI. She lives with 2 kids and husband in a sexless marriage. She is financially stable. No one knows about this Even her siblings are not aware. There are many like this seemingly perfect marriages from outside.
Now, this is a sad case, even with financial stability having to live with a gaslighting husband, without a scope of escape.
Yeah. She should have divorced. Indian parents fearful of society and less chances of 2nd marriage. Now husband and wife are like good friends who care for each other. He is affectionate and listens to her in every financial decisions or kids decisions. Let's her buy whatever she wants. Maybe he too has guilt. She has kind of accepted this marriage. And is happy with her kids. Life is not easy. What to say
best wishes for her. it is not easy when kids grow older. i am seeing it. my elder is in college. younger in 8th.now they hardly interact. elder is just super busy with her college stuff and friends. being away in another state. being involved in younger still gets the weekends passed. otherwise it is too much time in hand, if i had a strained relationship, it would have become very very lonely and depressing. i pray to god for his blessing all the time.
Yeah. She is in her 40's now. Kids in middle school They are like friends now. He is there for her emotionally and takes care of her when she is sick. Very involved in household chores. Even i was surprised, how did she put up with all this in the beginning of marriage? We are good family friends for almost 10 years now. She told me all this just an year ago , just 1 time. Looks like she loves her husband inspite of all this and doesn't want others to think low of him. She has lots of hobbies and does all yard, gardening work in her house . Keeps herself busy. Listens to lots of books. Did Inner engineering course and does all kriya everyday.
