Discussion in 'Married Life' started by nakshatra1, Aug 19, 2020.
What's the meaning of this proverb?
Son will follow the wife’s tunes after marriage while the daughter always remains attached to her parents as before.
What happens in practice may be different.
I think, even as you write this , you are aware that it was meant for a situation where often , a daughter although married and away is always more attached emotionally to her family/parents as compared to a son , who although may have his feelings but is often not too involved in his parents/siblings, after marriage, even if he may living with them.
In my opinion, it is more to do with individual mind set whether son or daughter, and the extent of attachment/dependency before marriage .
I just wondering some practical examples of how daughter does more for parents after marriage but sons leave parents after marriage.
I do agree it is an individual's mindset.
@MalStrom , thank you very much
I am almost 70 and have heard a lot of proverbs from my gran...but surprisingly this one is totally new to me...am a tamilian, may be this belongs to another state. If it is tamil can you post it?
Have heard one like...decorate yourself to your hearts content before a daughter is born, same way ,eat well before a son is...meaning the DIL won't feed the PIL adequately....(very mischievous indeed ....).
I have a son & daughter, both married with kids..yes a daughter , being a woman naturally wired that way in sensitivity. Living away is also another reason...she starts 'mothering' the parents too....
Sons, on the other hand are not... naturally, and with a family responsibility, whether living nearby or far away doesnt fret that much...This is nothing unusual .But what is unusual is for the parents to forget this basic difference and having impractical expectations.
Just out of curiosity, are you a mother about to marry a son off or a new DIL...all said and done these types of proverbs are mischievous as I mentioned earlier.
This is very famous saying in our part of the world. Although it is sheer generalization.
But it may be a surprise in Tamil culture, or perhaps Indian/sub continent culture that prioritize sons, and expect sons to take care of the parents.
I think this culture is derived from the traditional of joint family business.
Those days, men were the sole providers for the family; hence fathers would transfer their family business (farming or any type of business) to the sons, yet the whole family stay together & share the income together.
On the other hand DDs are married off to some other family and mostly SNILs won't share the same family business.
This way, parents can't live with DDs at SNILs joint family together with his whole clan. But they chose to remain at their own home, and expect their DILs (the new addition) to do the services for them.
It worked then.
Now a days, both men and women are working, and they prefer to stay independently; hence the joint family system is slowly dying.
When parents become old and naturally become their children's dependent, they chose to move in with them.
Now that both sons and DDs are earning, there is no question about who provides for the parents. But the question remains, who nurtures them.
When DDs and Sons are equal, obviously the parents choice would be to live with DD, given the fact that she can parent them during their fragile age. Elderly people transform like kids as they age, and all they need during their latter stage is love, affection, care & nurturing. A DD can provide that naturally, since she would be anyway providing the same to her own family.
Their emotional connect is the highlight here.
A son will depend on their parents for the love, care, & nurturing until he gets a wife. Then he will depend on this new lady for everything.
When he himself is a dependent, he can't take care of his elderly parent's emotional needs. That's why all the sons expect their wives' to look after their parents.
No matter how nice a DIL would be, she can't replace a daughter and it is the reality.
A son is a son till he gets a wife
This is from mother (who was this wife) of the son's point of view
From the wife's point of view
A son is a son for life (meaning husband will always be momma s boy)
It is very amusing to hear the mischievous proverbs . I think this one was originally from the west, but quite a popular saying in India too.
I am not at that stage of life yet to get my kids married, just it was a general curiosity- there is a recent news which made me curious about the proverb ..so just asked
@SGBV Thank you so much for giving your detailed views and explanations.As you are living with your mother, so you have very deep thoughts about this topic.