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A big fight happens between you and your MIL. How will you patch up with her now?

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sujanags, Dec 21, 2009.

  1. feduptocore

    feduptocore Senior IL'ite

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    Hi.. like many have expressed if the fault is mine no problems in apologizing but with my MIL its reached a point that if I do that she takes it as her triumph ...:drowning
    Most of our arguments are provoked over her most stupid and silly mannerism or interfering habits. For her everything her family and her friends say is correct and if I happen to say or do the same its wrong!!:rant:rant
    Initial years of marriage I used to apologise even if i was not at fault as i felt that let peace prevail but then I've realised after 15 years that I'm being taken for granted and treated like a doormat. So now I don't even do so if I know its my mistake... she invariably tries to make up as she needs me more than I her . but my motto is "once bitten twice shy"... so I maintain a distance with a cordial relation... her very existence is immaterial to me.. but yes she is my DH's mother and so I owe her that status in terms of taking care of her needs...
    I know all this is making me "NOT" a good person... but I'm more peaceful and happier this way....
    K
     
  2. sujanags

    sujanags Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks "feduptocore" for sharing. I think asking apologies again and again (for the mistakes that we did / did not) will really make bored in the long run.

    Your username sounds as if you are very unhappy. Any reason behind it for choosing this name? Is it because of in-laws?
     
  3. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Sujatha I dont believe in seeking apology from them to start talking.
    I simply start conversation on a new note with hi n hello to them.. I guess they've also learnt it this way.

    Apologies are meant when you did something wrong but not for ILs who support each other in right & wrong & who has support from their son as he's highly indebted of the mother's milk, sister's rakhee & their upbringing.... As if our parents hired us from a 3rd party before marriage & handed us over to them to deal with & treat like a ping pong ball.
     
  4. priya g

    priya g Senior IL'ite

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    Shilpma- As if our parents hired us from a 3rd party before marriage & handed us over to them to deal with & treat like a ping pong ball.

    I just couldn't help laughing till the stomach ached! :rotfltruly said!Better start with a new topic, no need to say "sorry" and all that, unless of course, if you began the fight or are guilty! My 2 cents!
     
  5. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Sujana, I called my MIL last night and as soon as she picked up the phone she said, "Hi Rakhi" but just day before yesterday she told my husband that she doesn't have my number. Very manipulative...I wonder why my DH is not realizing that she is coming between our relationship.

    We both slept in different room's for the first time because of this fight. After he hit me (he made it look like its un-intentional), I walked out of the door to get some fresh air. It was very cold last night (-20) and he didnt call me even after 2 hours of me walking out of the home. I went and sat in park (i know...its not safe to do this). When I could hardly move my feet I realized that soon hypothermia will set in (I was already feeling light headed, numb and confused; I had trouble focussing which way is home)...thats when I walked back home.
     
  6. sujanags

    sujanags Gold IL'ite

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    ShilpaMa - Thank you for the response. I and in-laws live together and so if a fight happens, then situation goes very worse. Sometimes very confused and making me stressed whether to talk or not / whether to ask Sorry or not even when I had not made any mistake, too many confusions. I am also undertaking infertility treatment and Doctor advised that I should not undergo any stress. So, I started to initiate first whenever such fight happens.

    As priya said, even I was simply laughing by reading your post.
     
  7. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    So far no major fights directly with MIL,touch wood. But once had it indirectly bcos of DH. Even though she can get highly irritating I generally keep out of her way . And this was possible mostly bcos we do not stay together. But if I am wrong I generally apologize to her immd. bcos of my own conscience.

    Rakhi, even though MILs do these things deliberately, sometimes better to ignore them. Otherwise, they spoil our marital life. From your DH's POV his mother called but u are picking up faults with her unnecessarily. In your DH's place even if we are there, we would do the same thing, defend mother. And the result is, your MIL will be very happy to note that she could create a chasm. It takes time for husbands to realise that though she is a good/great mom, she is not a great MIL. Oh if I can count the number of times my MIL played such tricks...This I am telling from my personal experience. Keep your cool. The sweetest revenge is just being happy with ur husband.

    If it is a major issue which directly affects your life, then you should definitely stand your ground. But if is a small issue which does not have an impact on your life, ignore it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009
  8. sujanags

    sujanags Gold IL'ite

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    kma - Thanks for sharing your opinion.
    I pray God that you don't face major fights with your MIL and continue to have same relationship with her.
     
  9. kma

    kma Gold IL'ite

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    Thank you. Anyway my relationship with her is no great shakes. Only thing is she is like an untargeted missile and I do not know from which direction she may strike. So with a lot of prior experience, I am learning to be prudent to avoid being the cause of her various misfortunes and depressions which will affect me more than her...:)
     
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2009

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