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A Bad Daughter-in-law For A Change!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by varalotti, Mar 2, 2006.

  1. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Vidhukumar

    Dear Vidhukumar,
    Thanks for the nice words. I do agree that the husband in this story is a coward. But men, when they are torn between their wives and mothers, normally become like that. It takes an extraordinary sense of maturity to see things in the right perspective and support for the right side. But many men do not want to rock the boat and hence keep silent allowing injustice to be perpetrated either on their wives or on their mothers.
    thanks for the words of praise, Vidhukumar.
    regards,
    sridhar
     
  2. SVS

    SVS New IL'ite

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    My Views

    Dear Sridhar Sir,

    That was one REALLY a nice story for a change. The story was short and crisp. I liked the way it was taken. I mean, instead of that Latha visiting Madhan's place often and creating a good name and at every visit the mil complains abt her dil and finally one day that Latha's true color shows...etc..etc...I am happy that it didn't take that long for the mil and dil to know each other...(I think, I am more cinematic!!) That is why I mentioned, it was short and crisp. Well Said!!

    I feel that there is really no reason to be a bad mil or bad dil because of their previous experiences or something like that. Let me give some of my views here as points.

    1. My inlaws never appreciated me and harassed me as much as they could. (many of you know my story here). The thing is, my mil never had a big problem with her mil. When they couldn't go well with each other, my fil took a seperate house and led a happy life. I have millions of examples to say how much of independence my mil had compared to her co-sisters who had to live with her mil for life!! My sil (hubby's sister) also leads a very happy life and her mil talks only good things abt her (even though she has no children for 10 years...the reason for me to mention abt kids as a major thing is...thats a prime reason for usual mils to get angry). so, I don't know why my inlwas has to take their vengeance on me as none of "their" people really suffered!!

    2.I have two uncles. One lived abroad and another lived in Delhi. the first uncle's wife (mami) finally packed up for good to live in Madras with her two sons.(my mama stayed in abroad itself for earning purpose). My grandparents lived happily and independently in a different town. Once the first uncle's family landed in India itself, both the uncle's brainwashed my grandparents to sell the big house that they were living and made them live in each other's place. Like a football, they had to run from one place to another, like for a few days they will be in Madras..then some problem created by mami, they will be packed up to Delhi Uncle's place. There would be another problem and they will again be back to chennai...This was happening for a long time and finally both the uncles came to our house and my dad became the judge for solving the problems. The arguement got so heated that finally both the uncles left my grandparents at our place for good. We were happy to take care of them and they lived with us for 10 full years. And we didn't have any relationship with our Uncles after that arguement for years. Only after I got married and when my parents had to come for my delivery, they had to leave my grandma (grandpa died long time back!!)at one of my uncle's place as my brother cannot take care of her alone. The time my parents were here, to their bad luck, my grandma passed away and "all" the "good" name for taking care of grandma went to my uncle's family!! what a shame??!!My parents who took care of my grandma when she needed some shelter couldn't even see her face when she passed away??!! (Point to be noted, my mom had 4 sisters also but my grandparents stayed only with us).

    3. My mom is a classic example of a wonderful mil. Same is my dad (wonderful fil). Both are very very affectionate. From my childhood, I have always seen some "guests" staying in our house for years for some reason. When my parents stay with us, they do their best in cleaning, cooking, ironing my hubby's clothes, do whatever they see, they can. Now my brother is married and my sil is working too. My parents recently took a VRS just to take care of their grandson(my brother's son). Added to this, my sil's dad underwent a surgery and they live totally with my parents. My parents take so much of good care for their samandhi(dil's parents) and they relax so well. My sil's sister also stays in our house whenever there is this summer vacation. My parents went all the way to my inlaws place and stayed over for days when my mil was not doing good. My sil(bro's wife) though is a good lady but never does any help to my mom. She speaks so softly and gets things done on her favour. I feel my parents are so innocent and are happy for her well behaviour and doesn't bother abt her non-help!! If I ask my mom, why don't you ask some small help from her?..My mom blindly says, "Today I am ok to do all these work, so let me do until I can, and moreover I am afraid that she might say something against me and I have no strength to hear such things". Actually my mom is a heavy diabetic patient and gets admitted in the hospital once in a while to get back to normal...How long it will take for my parents to take vengence against my sil because their daughter is not living happily?

    Ok, let me stop here..Guess my post is much longer than the original story here!!..My point here is a bad mil or a bad dil are not created because of their sour past. Its the originality of a person's character. The other post of "Malathi and her real story", here, the malathi was a nice person by her original character, that is why she was a good mil even though she had a bad mil!!. Here also, Parvathi is a nice person by character, that is why she couldn't go against her dil and showed her love for her when there was a situation!!

    This is the circle of life!. a bad dil can be a good mil and vice-versa...
    OHHHHHH..I think, I got deviated from the story..anyway..NICE STORY!! (I have to say something abt the story too!!)..hee.....heee..[​IMG]
     
  3. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    You Are Right, SVS!

    Dear SVS,
    Thanks for the long post which only shows that the matter has been one of deep concern for you and that you have sincerely participated in the discussion. You are right, SVS. We can never explain the good and bad in life, nor can we seek logical reasons for it. A dil who has had a good mil, may turn out to be a bad mil herself and it can happen the other way round as well.
    It all boils down to one thing namely, whether a person is inherently good or bad. If she is good, she is bound to be a good dil (eventhough her mil is bad) and a good mil (even though her dil is bad). And if she is bad she is bound to be a bad dil (even though her mil is good) and a bad mil (even though her dil is good).
    My, God, ever since Shakthi called me Visu, I have started writing like him.

    I was also disturbed to learn about your uncle snatching a good name at the nick of time when your grandma died in his place. But, SVS, I have a theory in this, which I find to be 100% true in every situation in life. Whatever you do with utmost sincerity, will never go waste. I heard with from a top executive of a very large company. We too had gone for a presentation. Both of us had done our homework well. But the client was totally unresponsive. I felt we had wasted our time there. But my colleague told me, 'Sridhar, whatever you did sincerely will never go waste. ' Somehow the words stuck. And I find it to be true. So whatever your parents did to your grandma will never go waste. And remember there is a Scorer sitting over all of us, and he does not score how many victories we got, but how we played the game.
    regards,
    Varalotti
     
  4. anushakmurthy

    anushakmurthy New IL'ite

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    Very moving story which is well narrated....this is the typical conversation which happens between most MIL and neighbours....You have brought out all characters very well. However, not every girl like Raji have the mindset to change and are happy and content with thier children, thier husband and thier own parents and fail to understand how they created this family but for that MIL.

    Cheers!
    -Anusha
     
  5. Saahithya

    Saahithya Silver IL'ite

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    Varalotti Sir

    BowBowBow

    You said it very well....I too beleive in what you said....but you had put it in the right words....which conveys the meaning so clearly...YES

    There is a SCORER sitting above all of us...and he scores not on how many victories we had but how we play the game...

    Very well said sir..Thanks alot...this strengthens my belief on god once again....
     
  6. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Thanks Anushka for coming in.You are right. Not every dil will be like Raji when it comes to understanding the mil's role.
    well, let it be an ideal role and let the women aim for it.
    thanks once again,
    sridhar
     
  7. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    thanks Saahithya. And the scorer-scoring quotation is very good. I think it's from the bible and I have used it somewhere in this site.

    If you can read A LOVE STORY 5, you will find a special reference to belief in God and all.
    thanks once again,
    sridhar
     
  8. harshbharathi

    harshbharathi New IL'ite

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    Re: The Heartless Daughter-in-law

    Hi Varalotti,
    Greetings !!!

    I have read your wonderful stories in IL and am really delighted to see the happy ending here.

    No body is bad on earth, The situations and circumstances makes one bad.
    It's very difficult to see MILs like Parvathi, But there can be DILs like Latha.
    Whatever it is, only few MILs treat theri DILs as their daughters and the other side of the coin is also there.Drowning Few MILs does not really care abt the feelings of theri DILs and few DILs does not consider theri MILs' feelings....But, who starts their hatred / action first is a big question mark ????? atleast to me......bonk.

    Regards,
    Harsh..
     
  9. varalotti

    varalotti IL Hall of Fame

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    Re: The Heartless Daughter-in-law

    Hi Harshabharathi,
    Thanks for your nice greetings and the nice words you have about my stories.
    You are right. About the in-laws problem the greatest factor that is neglected is the "other side of the coin".

    You said it right. I remember the words of our Tamil poet.
    He says,
    every child is a good one when it is born.
    And it becomes good or bad, depending how it is brought up by its parents.

    welcome to IL, Harsha.
    I am writing a serial in IL called A Love Story. Have posted 5 episodes so far.
    Here's the link for the first episode.
    http://www.indusladies.com/forums/saturdays-with-varalotti/30922-a-love-story-episode-1-a.html
    Read it when you feel like it.
    love,


     
  10. creeper

    creeper Senior IL'ite

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    hi sridhar,

    very touching story..
    do you think that there will be such a son who will just keep quiet if his wife ill treats his own mother..i doubt it...but i can say it he will not say anything if his mother does the same thing..b'coz my own husband know how his mother
    behaves with me at the starting of my married life..but he never tell his mom not to behave in such nasty way. in fact he tells me to just adjust as she is elder to me.which i think is totally unfair..anyways,currently she is OK with me....now he says due to ur patience she(my MIL) has changed...


    regards
    creeper
     

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