9 Year Old Extreme Stubbornness And Tantrums..please Help!

Anika, don’t take it personally. I know it is hard to stomach and deeply hurtful. But she must be upset about something. Is this martial arts class against her wish ? Don’t talk about it to her now .
Talk to her when she is calm down. You will also know about her true intentions and thoughts when she is calm. Acknowledge her emotions, yes I know she expressed it very poorly and it is difficult to find compassion after hearing what she said. Slowly explain her how words can hurt someone deeply and we cannot even take it back. You can tell her how hurt you were without pointing finger at her. She will feel less defensive and be open to talk. Tell her there are better ways to express emotions like “ I am mad right now “ or “ I don’t want to talk to you right now “. You can also tell her while you are forgiving, others in her life may not be forgiving if she uses the hurtful words. Relax dear, this is nothing. As my colleague and a friend say, “ wait for the teenage years “

 

I agree with Laks. Pushing boundaries is normal at this age but rudeness is not to be tolerated.
Identify some high-value items and activities and use those for consequences.

 

I agree with Laks, Swetha and Malstrom. Don't take the words uttered by her so seriously. Children use these words which they learn from their school mates. It is not from their hearts and they don't even know the meaning of these words. Show her more love. This sort of behaviour is just attention seeking. Show that you care for her more than anyone else. Spend more time with her. Treat her as a friend. Watch TV shows with her however silly and childish such shows may be and offer your comments or views. Her mind will definitely change once she realizes that you are the most important person in her life.