81 Year Old Groom, A Window Cleaner And.... Varalotti In the US 9

Dear Sujatha,

Your post was as usual provocative. But in this case it provoked a deep introspection. What you said about the old people remarrying is quite right. I know many old men and/or women who have clandestine affairs. Though sex cannot be ruled out in these relationships, the main idea is not sex but companionship. Youngsters can take care of old people, can take them to the hospital if necessary, can drive them to places, can feed them and all. But who will provide the real company except one's spouse? Acknowledgement of that need speaks of the integrity of these people.

Regarding the second part of the post, I do agree, that the evil of caste system was to an extent responsible for the ill-treatment of all the blue-collared workers. I should say that that was a dark period in the history of India. Even in Bhagavat Gita the Lord says about four divisions, but adds in the same breath, as if he was anxious that we would miss the meaning, that the divisions are based on qualities and deeds and not on the nature of work. Our own Thiruvalluar said

பிறப்பொக்கும் எல்லா உயிர்க்கும்
சிறப்பொப்பா செய்தொழில் வேற்றுமையால
் But those days are gone now.

Regarding the money part, I still cling to my view that a better pay results in a greater dignity. Though the caste differences are gone now, how much is a scavenger is paid in India? In the US the janitor comes to work in a car. But there they cannot even go in a bus.

I know my relative who is to ill-treat her maids in her own place. But when she went to Cochin to stay with her son and there she saw the maid coming in a two wheeler and doing work on a time-bound basis for higher wages, her attitude towards her was totally different.

When the labourer is paid well he does not have to cringe for his basic needs. So dignity comes in automatically. The window cleaner I met came in a formal suit, he is educated enough to carry on an intelligent conversation with doctors, accountants and lawyers and drives a relatively new, large car. And all that gets reflected in his bearing.

You did not hurt anyone, Sujatha. I am sure none of us ILites will be mean enough to discriminate on the basis of caste. Of course we may still be hesitant to enter into a marriage alliance with a member of a different caste, only because the eating habits are widely different. I just say different and I am not saying one is better or the other is worse. Hope you would understand.

regards,

 

Hats off to you Sujatha. Only one in a million have that. You broke the caste barriers and have had a successful marriage, earning good name from the family you entered in.

It proves so many things. First you and your husband are very matured people. Second, your love is so strong and so deep that it could withstand such a cross-over.

But honestly it does not happen everytime. While I was very young I was thinking that love marriage always works. When I grew older and saw a lot marriages, I realized that it is not always so.

Please follow this link to read a story (which was published in Anandha Vikatan, years ago) about the practical effects of love marriage.

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/singles-world/872-the-failure-of-love-marriage.html

You may also read an article of mine, The Anatomy of an Indian marriage, in this thread

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/married-life/1178-the-anatomy-of-indian-marriage.html

Convey my regards to your husband and in-laws.

 

Time To Take Leave, Ladies!

Most Gracious ILites,

It's time to take leave. I will be travelling in the US for the next two weeks before boarding the plane to India. I am not sure of my Net Access during the time I am travelling as a plain tourist.

This Saturday's post is an emotional leave-taking. Pray for me, wish me and bless me.

Sharing my learning experiences with you and learning from your responses - well, it was a great pleasure to me.

Good-bye, till we meet again.

Love,