1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

8 Years Of Marriage Don’t Know What Situation I Am…

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by madhu26, Oct 3, 2021.

  1. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi All..
    Hope everyone doing great.
    Now again I came here with my old
    Problem only. 8 years of marriage but with less happiness and always fights. Before marriage itself we known each other for 1 year that time what he promised all changed after marriage. I know it’s like a movie. But it continued after marriage also. Being a orthodox family DIL I go through so many things. My husband working in foreign country.
    After marriage 3 months of gap I also went there. As you know newly married what are the problem come .only one son. MIL involved in every matter between us even personal too…
    After 3 yrs I blessed with a baby girl that time also so many fights becoz of girl skin colour and weight is less. Always compares with SIL kid. I adjusted that time
    Also becoz of my daughter . Then I joined in job and started working one year is fine becoz of some Situations of COVID-19 I left my job . So again problems started for second kid. They are seeing astrology and good timings everything.I don’t understand they don’t even wantMy opinion
    Also my husband told me He will buy good house but when he went to India suddenly he bought without me.Now I want to restart my carrier still he says he want kid because he is becoming week and age is coming.Physically also our relationship is not very strong because always he sees videos and ask me will Dance like this will do like this . If I said no then he will get angry and again scolding all night to tell old problems that my behaviour is bad . I am not treating in-laws properly. I don’t understand here one Thing why he is not asking what I want. Always tell me what he wants and if I didn’t do then again fight. For example
    while Planning for second kid he says will see good timing and good astrology and he itself decided which month and date I delivered. Mother and son are talking like these I am getting irritated.
    One day I said let’s wait for some more months becoz now our relationship is week if we plan second kid again problems will come.I will search for job then we will plan kids but For that he got angry and said I am not a women to satisfy him. So many things whatever happened in these 8 yrs .

    sometimes I feel like I want to leave him and will go to my mother’s place . But before that I want to think about my daughter . Just becoz she wants father I am staying here and do the housework more to make me busy.Still he is not spend time with kid.Always forgets, no neatness at all. If I say anything then he will say I am elder than you I know what to do .

    So friends please tell me what I have to do in this situation shall I go for second kid or restart my carrier or go to my mother’s place for sometime. I don’t know what to do . I am very tired and stressed myself .


    Also I have a fear that he said this year only good timings ( As he is from orthodox family he believes timings and astrology so much)are there to get conceived. So if we plan now then I will get pregnant next year start(January). If I didn’t listen he said after January cross we don’t want any kids.
    If I ask time also he said no .

    Thanks for reading and your patience.
    Please help me what I have to do in this situation….
     
    Loading...

  2. PurpleRoses

    PurpleRoses Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    233
    Likes Received:
    404
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Gender:
    Female
    How ? How does an educated woman like you fall into the trap these crappy people set???!
    He is controlling you, gaslighting you and manipulating you! You are not a sex machine or baby vendor machine!!!!
    3 advices for you...
    1) don't ever have 2nd kid with him if he doesn't respect you as human (forget about valuing you as his kids mother, as his wife which i dont think he even cares about!)
    2) get a job and keep separate salary account n personal ac. Dont share it with him.
    3) learn to say "NO" especially to his ordering you to enact as in the adult films for his pleasure or having more babies! - it should always be with consent!
     
  3. ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

    Messages:
    744
    Likes Received:
    775
    Trophy Points:
    188
    Gender:
    Female
    Please do not have second child in unhappy marriage. Baby creates more problems for mother and you will be trapped for many more years. If you are not happy think about becoming financially independent ASAP and take good care of your health so you never be dependent on him.
     
    Bubbles likes this.
  4. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    53
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    Why do abused women pop out or are willing to pop out second kid .. it is very very unfair to the kid.. if mother is abused, kids are affected negatively on sub conscious level ..,

    ..one of my friends whose father was abusive to her mother said this all the time n I agree with her 100 percent
     
    Last edited: Oct 7, 2021
    sandhya2020 and chanchitra like this.
  5. lakshmi888

    lakshmi888 Silver IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    53
    Trophy Points:
    58
    Gender:
    Female
    eveyday I thank my stars that I did not have a kid with my abusive ex husband as the kid would have been negatively affected emotionally by abusive behavior of my ex ( he wasn’t ever physically abusive as he knew that was deal breaker for me .. though I did suffer lots of emotional abuse n God gave me brains one fine day to call it quits and apply for divorce … life has been beautiful since then but definitely wanting a good marriage second time around but I am very careful in choosing the man as bad marriage affects life n health very badly .,
     
    sandhya2020 likes this.
  6. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Hi…
    Thanks for the reply. Yes I am not going to think about second kid now because he is not changing at all. I am just staying with him because of my daughter she loves him so much. Now I am concentrating on my career to become financially independent.
     
  7. madhu26

    madhu26 Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    49
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    Thank you sure will do and start my career
     

Share This Page