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7 Years Old Is Girl Having Colour Complex

Discussion in 'Face & Skin Care' started by BuviVishal, Jun 25, 2020.

  1. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    This is my first post here. I am a silent follower. I am having two daughters elder 7 years and younger 1.5 years old. Both are just opp in color and body. We knows every child unique but my elder one herself comparing the color with her sister.

    Before second one formed itself many many times i make her to understand about color and she was very bold and replied well if anyone commented ( one of her friend (german kids) said u r chocolate color for that she replied most of the ppls likes chocolates than a vannila nu;-). I couldn't beleive her reply).

    Since here most of the ppls are white she looks odd in color. Today suddenly she said i hate my color because of this i dont have a friends nu. How do i make her to understand?

    iva romba kalaiya irrupa. When i was in india surrounding ppls poured comments and suggestions about her color. I managed and crossed but ivaley ippadi feel pandradhu kadhtama irruku yennaku. Sencond pregnancy appo kooda first ponnu mathiri color ah irrukanum nu vendinen. But opp nadanduchu.

    Sorry for long post...

    I am not asking tips to improve a skin color. How do make her understand and her skin is too dry. I should maintain her skin as healthy for that tips needed.
     
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  2. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Love her sassy reply to her friend:)

    Even my DD same age as yours had that color problem coz her grandparents when here talked a lot about color and confused her.Also,as they grow older they are very aware and see the kids around them in different shades.


    How I handled this is..

    1) I never distracted and allowed her to ask questions about skin color

    2)Why deny?I told her why we are different shades and our origin.I did explain to her.Initially she was not convinced but slowly she is accepting the truth.I never sugar coat.

    3) I also keep telling her “A good heart is important and what use is skin color?”
    It did made her think


    4) I never use words like beautiful but I use words like strong,healthy.For eg: I have heard people asking kids to eat greens coz it will give glowing skin.I always tell My daughter That eating healthy food makes her strong,healthy stuff like that.We just have to be careful
    When using words.It helps a lot!

    Now her curiosity has reduced.Even if she asks me again,I will Patiently explain and never mind or distract.


    Many kids go through this phase.As a kid,I was so upset that am
    Not fair that I used to shower for a very long time so that my skin will look fresh and fair lol:)

    Now I understood healthy,good skin is more important than color.My co sis still talks about fair skin despite being in USA for 12 years and she feels low about it.I just pity her and the narrow minded thoughts and am happy it doesn’t affect me anymore.She is surprised that am happy for what I look.I am like “why not?”:)


    As for dry skin,ask her to drink more water,apply mild moisturizer like cetaphil.Helps a lot.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2020
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  3. harithab

    harithab Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Buvi,

    Loved ur daughter's pointed reply:grinning:
    Talk to her that skin color dont have anything to do with a person's identity or character.
    Never talk about the colors specifically - like black, brown, white etc when U watch TV or when u see other people or kids.
    Tell her that God had given a magical color called Melanin randomly to all human beings while God was playing so that he could differentiate each person quickly.... and God loves everyone equally , no matter what color they are .... Similar to color of Roses, its Not possible to choose which is the best colored rose !
    As she grows up, all this color related matter will be neglected as such... :relaxed:
    With skin dryness, tell her to drink more water and U apply coconut oil (let it be for half hour) before she takes a shower, use a mild soap. If oil is not applied before the shower, apply a moisturizer soon after taking bath. Also weather plays an important role in dryness, we all r inside home, being summer and almost all time in AC !!!

    Please do post in English itself, as we all might not understand tamil language.

    Stay Safe :angel:
    Stay Positive :thumbup:
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2020
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  4. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    The same way i did it. When she was at 4 to 6 she was ok. Now second one came ah herself comparing with her sister..at home me and husband never discussed about color.
     
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  5. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Thanks dear for the reply. I just expressed my feeling in mother tongue that much i worried. Mostly i am applying coconut oil only for moisturizing
     
  6. BuviVishal

    BuviVishal Gold IL'ite

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    Yesterday i asked her to speak in front of mirror to change her bad habbit. Because she said i.couldnt change it, my mind is thinking but couldnt proceed. For that i said if u speak with u it will change nu. I thought it will increase her confidence but hpnd reverse
     
  7. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    This happens..kids get curious..goes through various emotions when they are aware..keep doing what you have to but don’t over emphasize and make it very important.The more relaxed and cool you are,she will be fine
     
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  8. startinganew

    startinganew Finest Post Winner

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    Never talk about the colors specifically....
    ....at home me and husband never discussed about color.


    Agree to a lot of good points from other responders but wanted politely disagree to the part about "not talking about color".

    It’s a pervasive myth that when parents don’t talk about skin color (or race) - children will automatically assume all colors (or races) are equal . This is not the case. Parents should talk about it. They must clearly vocalize their thoughts. Our society has deep-seated perceptions that “lighter-colors” are more beautiful. It in ingrained in my heart, mind, and the words we use - just as much as it is in yours.
    Even in tamil: “Neram” means color. “Nalla neram” means “good color” which automatically means fairer.
    So as children and adults we hear it everyday in so many forms. From well-meaning grandparents, to the gushing aunt who will praise the kid looking pretty with flush-pink cheeks.

    But the first step is that parents need to ask themselves what skin color means to them - the answers you will hear may not be pleasant.

    Have we ever thought: My friends/my cousin/some girl is darker but her features are more beautiful ?
    ^^ the problem with this sentence is the “but” - as though having a darker color is a -ve and she makes up for the negative with well-defined features. Unfortunately, this is how we have all been taught to think by our own families and society.

    We get compliments from the time we are babies if our skin is lighter than most people in the communities we grow up in. It doesn’t matter even if we are just different shades of brown.
    And in most loving tones we hear: “what happened dear, you’ve become so dark, why don’t you try this cream/facepack or food to get back some color.” As thought get a few shades darker is a "problem" that must be fixed immediately.

    This discrimination of people over skin color has a name “colorism” and is prevalent all over the world - so not just Indians :)
    Discrimination based on skin color - Wikipedia

    Even if we had a healthy family upbringing and were darker skinned - we may not have heard negative comments from our near and dear ones, but we *would definitely* have heard praise for the other lighter-skinned kid/baby/woman in the room/stage/neighborhood.

    You and me have to fight this bias consciously. By “not saying” something, we are not handling it. We are letting society's biases creep into our children.
     
  9. anika987

    anika987 Finest Post Winner

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    Exactly! Love your reply.

    Many a times I feel we are all unfair to our true feelings and going along with the herd mentality who are brainwashed by the media.

    I have seen many people who are not under the “conventional terms” imposed by our society and found them gorgeous.

    On a lighter note,when I saw kuch kuch Hota hai,I thought rani looked beautiful and she was neither the tall,fair or slim types which was what is considered beautiful especially those days.So many loved her.

    Have you noticed even our Indian men worship African American heroines but look low upon our Indian girls who are darker?The problem lies coz we are not true to what beauty is in our eyes but what society constantly slow poisons us.

    There is no true definition of beauty or color which is a very subjective topic!

    First as a parent,we need to believe in that and your confidence will reflect in the kids..

    Be true to yourself and what real beauty is for you and then look around.You will be stunned that what you honestly like is totally different from what media projects.

    This is why there is so much of peer pressure.Be it clothes or brands or style or how to look..everyone wants to look like a clone or each other.

    We need to teach our kids that we are all unique and explain to them properly so that they understand sooner.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2020
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