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7 years Itch reality or myth

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by lakshmilife, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. lakshmilife

    lakshmilife Junior IL'ite

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    Dear Friends,:)

    I would be celebrating my 7th wedding anniversary tomm.Its been 7 years lot of things changed in these years from being individuals we were couples now parents.Lots of factor kept changing the essence of relationship in positive as well as negative way.

    I would like to share this roller coaster life with this forum that helped me grow emotionally as a person.I would also like this forum to be a platform to put across the problems and concerns regarding the issue.

    I am sure this would give various perspective on marriages and relationsip.Looking forward for your comments and views.:welcome
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
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  2. Tugga

    Tugga Silver IL'ite

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    First of all, my heartfull wishes on your anniversary. Congratulations:)

    I have just completed my first year of marriage life a couple of weeks before. But I can write a book about the ups and downs of my marriage life in this shorter period.

    My life has changed upside down after marriage though it was a love cum arranged marriage>(

    I was a very bright career oriented independant girl before marriage. I had a big circle of friends, with whom I used to crak jokes and have fun all the time.
    Moreover, I came from a very attached family as my parents are like my best friends, at the same time we had our own space to make our decisions on everything. All what I needed was to inform our parents about our decisions, so that they will give us some advises based on their experiences.

    Contrastingly my DH came from a very different orthodox family, where women are treated like a piece of furniture. All the adult children are treated like teenagers, as my FIL used to advice my 30 yrs old DH that he doesn't know anything, as his age closes his eyes:bonk

    Needless to say how difficult it could be for a girl like me to handle all these issues from a distance (yes, I had to come to Sudan right after marriage, and I only visit India in every 2 months on smaller vacations).

    I am still trying my best to change my life as per my own style without harming my DH's preferences and love. I still log on to this forum to learn and understand from each one's experince. This forum is really helpful to shape up your marriage:) Thanks to all:)
     
  3. radsahana

    radsahana Silver IL'ite

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    dear friends

    On a serious note, i think after 7 years, almost 90% of them are with kids, and with more responsbilities, and life becomes some sort of routine, and partners do miss their privacy, when they were alone togethere. We forget about ourselves, and our talks involves kids, their study, their acitivities. We forget to say those lovely nothings to each other. We start thinking that our spouse no more love us etc.....etc.... etc......

    This may be causes or reasons for breakups and divorce.

    so there is some reality into it, it is not totall a myth.

    Couples who swim ahead with all these issues and enjoys their life past so many years of happily married life emerges a truly loving couple.:)

    Diclaimer: I dont want to hurts anybodys feeling. i am just bringing out my views and opinions
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 8, 2010
  4. saipavani123

    saipavani123 Silver IL'ite

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    Hey :)

    in my opinion it might be a myth....It originated from a movie in 1955

    The seven-year itch

    (i saw this in phrases.org.uk.....please correct me if i am wrong [​IMG] ) .....

    if the "itch " has to happen it can happen anytime in 1/2/3/4/5/6.....n years of marriage not just 7th year... :) .....and yeah if we truly love our spouse then it might never happen too :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2010
  5. Mahajanpragati

    Mahajanpragati Platinum IL'ite

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    hi OP congrats.
    i will also be celebrating my 7 th annvi. this may.it was an arranged marriage but over the years 'he' is the most important person in my life even the kids & my parents come after him .
    'itch' what does it supposed to mean ,that we are more into routine & less into rosy rosy world or now our fights are moreover kids & then over our own emotions............well whatever its true.
    we started as couple & now we are a family of four.my dh who always claimed to be super patient realised how tough its to feed a toodler & i who used to get hurt over imaginary things have learnt to see the bigger picture.
    truly ,i have grown as a person.have become more forgiving,less egostic & more tolerant of people.
    after reading so many threads in marriage section in this forum i realised what a gem of person my dh is.now,i thank God atleast once a day to have blessed me with such a life partner.
     
  6. Happysoul1234

    Happysoul1234 Gold IL'ite

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    My thoughts are below. I must emphasize that it is from the point of view of a working woman with a love marriage behind her, and can be construed as the mad rantings of a woman up at 3am in the morning :)

    1. Familiarity breeds contempt - the longer you stay with a person, the better you know them. Human nature / life situations make us focus on their weaknesses rather than their strengths, which can lead to the proverbial 7 year itch.

    2. Or is it that after 6,7,8 years you realize that the person you fell in love with has changed? Or is it that you finally see the qualities in the spouse that you ignored/failed to see in the beginning of the marriage / during your courtship?

    In my case, my DH was never expressive in his love via words in our courtship but it never bothered me then but it drives me insane now. I am a gemini and I need to communicate and him not doing that is just now beginning to become an issue for me.

    3.Or is that with the addition of kids to the family, you are more worn out and have no one else to take it out on other than your spouse aka the 7 year itch?

    I've been married 7.5 years and had a kid a year and half ago. I've just NOW realized that even though I love my husband for the person he is, I sometimes hate him for things he does not do (mainly not helping with kid / housework on weekends). Living by ourselves, we do not have any moral/mental support from extended family and I am just sick and tired of holding down a full time job, being mommy and then a home-maker. Getting no help in any of these areas from my husband drives me nuts.

    My mind has been in a quandry for the past week. How do I get him to become the person I want him to become when I fully well know that it is next to impossible to change a person? It's been bad enough where I feel I am going into a state of depression. For me this is the definitely proof of the existence of the 7 year itch!

    Then I think to myself, what if I had an affair before marriage and the person suddenly comes back into my life. What would I do? What if this person met my communication needs? Would I have an affair with this person ..aka the 7 tear itch??

    Lots of things to think about .. OP thank you for this thread!
     
  7. lakshmilife

    lakshmilife Junior IL'ite

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    Dear Tugga,

    First year of marriage goes only in getting used to the new life ,it is like coming out of your pre marital inertia.The more one compares families the more would be differences one can see.I always felt that my family was very close knit than my DHs. First year i felt as a visitor at DHs home it took time for things to sink in.Once in a while going to parents place was a great relief it feels as if you are once again a free bird you can be yourself in contrast at in laws place you adorn the outfit of wife and daughter in law initial stages very tiring.

    Friends as years go by everyone will be into their own family and one could never have the same fun and atmosphere that existed b4 marriage. As days pass by your DH will be the most important part of you life and after kids you would not even have mind space to relate to friends.Gone days would be like pleasant memories that one can recollect but never can live again.
     
  8. ShilpaMa

    ShilpaMa IL Hall of Fame

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    Turning into reality for me.. the relationship started itching 6th yr onwards itself... onset signals I guess.
    Also heard from others of my batch, they had a severe 7th yr itch, apparently many have sailed through.
     

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