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2nd marriage - Not informing Inlaws that she is divorcee

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by maggi99, Jun 25, 2010.

  1. maggi99

    maggi99 Senior IL'ite

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    This is something that I came across recently and just wanna get some thoughts !

    Lady who is in early 32 is now married to a person around the same age about a couple of yrs ago, its a inter-religion marriage.

    Some background - she was first married (arranged) to a guy who was a relative of hers and found that he was cheat who had an affair. She got back to her parents and got divorce after couple of years.

    Abt second marriage : The second guy has seen this girl and proposed, knowing that she was a divorcee... then spoke with her parents though it was inter-religious marriage, parents were ok with it as it was guy's first marriage. Now the guy / the girl / girl's parents hid about first marriage to the guy's parents. They are married now with kids.

    • Is it fine doing so ?
    • Its the life of the girl and guy but then, getting into a new relationship with so such big truth hidden ! (Hiding a big pumkin in a plate of food.)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 27, 2010
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  2. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    Maggie99,where is the problem here?
    the guy knows she is a divorcee.He liked her and married .Its not as if the truth was hidden from the guy himself then why is it such a big deal.Telling his parents about the girls past is the couples decision and everyone should respect that.
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2010
  3. rose8282

    rose8282 Platinum IL'ite

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    I totally agree...the boy must know...the rest need not..will create unnecessary problems and they might not agree for alliance.
     
  4. Bhavna3

    Bhavna3 New IL'ite

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    I feel that the girls in laws should know about her first marriage..what if the in laws come to know about it from some other source?? Then the in laws will always hold a grudge against the girl..and unnecessary issues will crop up...
    but if the in laws were really the understanding type, then you could think otherwise which is not the case here..
     
  5. rosegirl

    rosegirl Bronze IL'ite

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    Although its the guy and girls decision but when the parents come to know about it in the future from a third party its going to be very awkward.Or if someone inquires the MIL or FIL about the girls first marriage, they are going to feel bad about not being told about it.So I personally feel that its good to share these important things with first circle (Whether they are supportive or not is next) and get it over with.
     
  6. Bhavna3

    Bhavna3 New IL'ite

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    Why did they hide it in the first place?? Was there any reason for it??

    Hey rose 8282 , they are already married and have kids.
     
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    Maggi, I feel the girl and boy both will have a disaster if the parents come to know about the girl that she was married first. However there is one exception , if the girl is super nice to inlaws and vice versa it might still be ok, but going by the trends we all know how relations are among people. Though it is good that the guy knew and he got married and at least that trust factor is intact between couples. But certainly keeping parents in dark even if they are not living together with inlaws might not be completely right
     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2010
  8. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    I too agree, it is better to let them know now , since they have kids and all , at least someone should talk , if parents come to know from outside sources it might be a disaster

     
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2010
  9. flowerlady

    flowerlady IL Hall of Fame

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    Probably the decision to hide the fact that the girl is a divorcee was taken jointly by both the girl and man. He must be knowing that his parents would not accept her knowing that she is a divorcee.
    Why bring in the girls parents into the picture ? The man could have informed his family if he wanted to anytime. He did not.
    The man does not mind at all and they have kids too. The entire burden rests on the man and not on the girls parents.
     
  10. 1janavi

    1janavi Bronze IL'ite

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    Please dont think just because a couple is happy they can face the grunt now and can somehow manage the truth.The beauty of the relationship will be lost.What will happen if inlaws come to know through someone....nothing much can happen other than they feeling bad for a while and some ugly fight...with the grandchildren ,they really cant do much to split the couple so why tell now and face the ugly fight ....face it when its exposed or hope such a situation doesn't happen (hopefully people keep their lips sealed) untill they are alive.
     

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