“ All is well that ends well ”

Dear All,
Greetings!
I am back from my vacation. Very hectic but immensly enjoyable.
Coming to below anecdote, I do not proclaim that below is the only way to tackle similar issues. Each one could have there own strategies & counter measures. In the case of Bala, this strategy worked.
Enjoy if you can. Would be grateful for your FB.
Anbudan,
Rrg
7th Sept '09.​

“ All is well that ends well ”​

"Hi, Bala! What's up?", I asked finding him a bit off-colour.
Balasubramaniam alias Bala had been working in my branch for nearly 2 years, junior to me by about 10 years.
We got along very well and he was a frequent visitor to my house. He considered me his mentor in both professional and personal fronts.
Normally, Bala was a cheerful guy. Also, his wife Aruna, was expecting their first child in the next 2 months or so and her mother had just come to help out during these difficult days, leading to the birth of the child. Under the circumstances, I expected Bala to be more cheerful than usual - but here he was outside my house on a Sunday, looking a bit of-colour and confused.
"Boss, it is my MIL. She sounds nutty."
"Nutty? What happened?"
"She talks nuts".
"Like"
"She has weird explanations for any happenings in our day to day life. She talks like she knows everything - past, present & future.
Talks of Dayanandas, Sivanandas and all kinds of anandas non-stop to rob me of my ananda, peace of mind. Keeps coming up with some vague quotes from ancient Sanskrit scriptures right through the day. She chases me from room to room & looks hell bent on drilling me to my bones and filling the crevices with her quotes"
"What has Aruna to say about all this?"
"Aruna seems to be well aware that her mom is a bit weird but asks as to how does it matter to me so long as she is helpful at times of our need."
"I think she is right", I said, "Each individual is differently endowed, you know."
"But I don't want her endowments. Let her keep them herself, I don't mind. Why is she bugging me with her philosophies no ends? It is driving me crazy"
"You could have asked Aruna this as well", I suggested.
"I did. Aruna says that her mother perhaps feels that I am an "atheist" because I do not regularly pray or go to temples etc like her other SILs or DH do and hence is doing her bit now itself for my conversion so that the kid to be born does not end up an atheist."
"Very interesting! Are you an atheist?"
" No boss. I do believe in God but do not believe in showing my belief openly. I do pray inwardly whenever & wherever I feel like. That is how I have been brought up."
"Then why don't you start praying openly also - to give a much needed relief to your MIL that ‘all would be well with the progeny’ ?"
"That is what I did on Aruna's suggestion and now I find my MIL going after me with double the enthu. She perhaps feels that her efforts have started yielding fruits and is trying to make more & more of hay while the sun shines."
"Why don't you tell this openly to your MIL?"
"How can I have any meaningful discussion with her? As such, her high funda talk is confusing - at times sounding looney. More so, when she looks at you wide eyed after making a point that only she understands, it is so frightening. I can not match her at it and convince her that I am OK. I am literally scared to go home. Believe me, in my own house I try to move around stealthily without getting noticed and even then get caught at unexpected places. Boss, I can not take it any more and badly need your help. I don't even mind a temporary posting outside for a few months. "

I went to his house that evening with my wife on a courtesy call and met his MIL also.
She was a pleasant lady but did sound a bit weird at times, presumably the after effect of bouts of depression suffered years back. I found her talking mostly on karmic theory, Karma yoga, Tatvamasi etc even within the short time we spent there. I could very well appreciate Bala's woes.
Bala met me the next morning, eager to get a panacea for all his ills.
"Look, Bala. I could understand your predicament. But cheer yourselves first that it was only your MIL and not DW who is a bit weird. Have you ever thought of your FIL who had gone through it all his life and still going strong. You are lucky that you are to face this only temporarily.
More than anything, you are in need of the services of your MIL and hence it is for you to adjust to her idiosyncrasies to the extent you could.
Any temporary transfer etc are ruled out as Aruna needs you more beside her now, than ever.
However, I could give you few tips on the topics normally being covered by your MIL so that you could look to be on the same wavelength. You need not enter into detailed conversations with her but show that you understand what she says ".
With that I briefed him on few things like the Karma theory of 'doing one's duty and leaving the rest to Him', Aham Brahmasmi & Tatvamasi- the essence of Advaita as also Hinduism being a way of life and not a religion in its strictest sense, the importance of introspection & internalisation etc. Also, in order to counter her wide-eyed look after making a point, I suggested his smiling at her in turn looking through her eyes or looking at the roof smiling, holding on to or slightly massaging his chin in a thinking pose.
I did not hear any further complaints from Bala thereafter nor did I want to keep checking with him on such a sensitive issue.

I next visited Bala's house for the Punyavachnam (purification & naming ceremony) of his new born son, along with my wife.
During the function his MIL wanted me to come inside the kitchen and meet her alone.
"I understand from Aruna that you are my SIL's boss and also his mentor. I want to confide something. In the couple of months that I was here I could change him a lot. He has vastly improved. But at times he acts a bit weird and looney - looking at the roof or looking through you smiling like slightly deranged. It is scary. Some times he waves his hands in air like great sages do. Suddenly, mid-way through our conversation, he utters aloud "Ohm, Namasivaya" or some such thing and closes his eyes in a trance, smiling internally to himself. He remains so for a long time that I am compelled to close the topic half-way and go for attending other things. I wanted him to advance spiritually - but not so much or so fast. Now I am worried, given the speed at which he is advancing, he may soon become a sanyasi and run away, thereby ruining my daughter's life. Compared to this his original self was much better. I may have to leave in the next few days but you must help us in getting him back to normal please", she pleaded. I assured her to do so.

Needless to mention that she was back in 18 months for the next delivery and this time neither Bala nor his MIL had any complaints against each other.
All is well that ends well, isn't it.
******
anbudan,
Rrg
7th Sept '09

 

Dear Preethi, Kavitha & Janani,
Thanks for your feedback. Pleased to note that you liked the post.
Kavitha: It is interesting when you speak about me in the same breath as Mr. Sridhar.
I am flattered. ( Let's hope Mr. Sridhar doesn't get offended).
Long way to go ma'm, very looonnng way..... .
Thanks, all the same.
Cheers!
Rrg

 

Thanks Aditi, Neha, Radha & Sirila for your FBs.
Yes, I did have an enjoyable vacation. It was too good.
Thanks once again for all your encouraging words.
Cheers!
Rrg