Help needed in being diplomatic with SIL

Next time she can say to her sil that she managed to keep everything in the lockbox all packed and organized with other important stuff in there and since there is hardly any space left, she decided to not take them out unless she has an real occasion when she needs to wear her jeweleries.Also tell her it is not a good idea to trouble her mom to go and get them so frequently as it is hard for her to do so and also risky to take them out frequently as something may be mislpaced. and since she is not using it right now, she heard that it is best to keep them in the lockbox , properly wrapped as a part of jewelry maintenance to avoid any damage and further polishing later.she can make up a story like one of her jeweleries is slightly damanged( anything she can imaging) and then her mom had to go and get it fixed when the gold price is so high. she is feeling bad about being not careful and maintain them properly inspite of not wearing that piece ever.now a little white lie is okay when you want to safeguard your own possessions , right ?

 

Best way if you ask me, tell her this

' I know it's very weird, but I don't like sharing jewelery with others.
nothing against you, but that's my attitude. I hope I'll change it one day, but till then I have to live with it. I don't like wearing others jewelery and also let others wear mine'

How long will you try to find ways to say no.If you are straight for one time, she'll get used to it. If not it's a trauma for you every time she asks, it takes away your peace of mind.
It's better to be straight forward if it bothers you very much.

But remember, take care of the following things.

1. For some time, don't share you jewelery with others. even with your mom.
2. If you tell this, stand by your word. Don't share even if there is a little tension or fight. This will go away after some time, but every body in the house will know this is really what you want.
3. Tell her softly. Take the blame on you that it's your attitude, but that's your weakness. Like this nobody will question you why you have this weakness. Tell them you are trying to overcome and it takes time. By the time things will get settled and you SIL will forget to ask you jewelery.

Finally, It really doesn't matter to her if you refuse. She'll forget this pretty soon, but it really matters to you if you don't stop this now.

All the best.

 

This happened to me when a friend borrowed my jewellery and I wasnt so happy since it became a routine.
One fine day, a small hook broke and from then on I just bluntly told her, I cant lend anymore and thats it.

So just tell your SIL sweetly that when she returned the jewels it was looking faded/broken/full of powder or sweat etc and u have to work hard to bring it back to the previous good condition and hence u have decided no more lending.

 

I liked Heartbeat's advise...good way of asserting and not hurting others as well!:thumbsup

 

You could keep all your jewels in a safe locker in bank . You could tell her that you have done this because of frequent thefts in the city you live and would prefer to take it out only on very important occassions. Also keep telling her that you prefer to wear imitation jewellary for parties because it is safer and have more choice in them. In these ways , you can indirectly let her know it is not okay for her to borrow your jewels anymore. Try it . Good luck.

 

Sharing jewels once in a way is okay, but not on routine basis, if you give reasons that you dont have it now for about 3 to 4 times then she will automatically realize that you dont like to share your jewellery and will stop asking.

 

I too would suggest to give some white lie reasons bcos after all she is your SIL and not sis that she would forget your NO with time. I experienced that such words do not really fade with time in in laws case and whenever in late future she'll get a chance she'll remind you what you said. You cannot be strict of never sharing for a lifetime na and after all she is going to be a part of your family for a lifetime.
You can may be als tell her that these pieces should be kept for some special occassions like family weddings only as otherwise they'll be seen by everyone evry now and then and would lose their charm of being a different piece worn on a special occassion and thats why you yourself never wear them frequently and have hence kept in the locker. ALso i think you may not even wait for her to ask for a jewelry next time. ANy day while working just casually put this into your SIL and MIL's ears that you thought so and so have done so, so as she knows you dont have them with you and at the same time you wont pose a bad image saying a NO when she comes to you with a full mood of borrowing and wearing it that day.

Supriya