Second time ExtraMarital Affair.

Now, that includes you as well.. huh ? Nice to know you do have brains, which you feel Noorie lacks !! If you have nothing to " offer " as a suggestion to Noorie, you can by all means stay away from this thread, BUT, YOU DO NOT HAVE A RIGHT TO TELL THE OP TO NOT ASK FOR SUGGESTIONS. So, relax.

I agree. It is entirely upto the OP to decide what to TAKE and what to LEAVE ! Having said that, please go slow with words.. You have no right to call some one sefish dogs or whatsoever.. Please keep such words to yourself.

You are much entitled to your opinion just as ANYONE else here. Period. You are no different from any member here and would expect you to not comment on what others have to say or suggest. Let us all mind our words and hold on there !

Leave it to Noorie, to set her priorities in life.. Please stay away from altering the priorities of the forum.

Thanks !

 

I wish all the posts starting from the "not-needed" can be edited for content, including mine. I don't think Noorie needs to take that crap as well. She has already too much to handle in her plate, I feel.

 

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[FONT=&quot]When God gives us daughters we have to nourish them like angels , not just think about ownself like selfish Dogs . [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]-- am not sure how selfish dogs think but am sure that a human mother would not want to set a bad example to her angels by putting up with a cheating man, who in most probability would get noorie pregnant again and then strike his hatrick in affair[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]You and your Husband need to keep away all these dirty things between you both , behave mature and live for kids . [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]-- I think she was not having the affair, so she was keeping herself frm dirty things and now she is thinking of disposing the last bit of dirt in her life… Wat does 'live for kids' mean? Noorie never suggested leaving the kids in an orphanage n going for a euro trip. And wat abt the day when her kids would grow up and live on their own?[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]And Stop taking what people say and ask what to do . dont you have brains? and if you are so firm for devorce , why not now , let you and your husband both live in peace . Just thinking and digging will make it a mess . [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]-- a divorce is not a cup of cappuccino that u can order when u feel like. Even in the worst of situations, u wud think… dig… over and over again. Cant explain y, can only know when u live thru it…[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]My words may be harsh , but it is truth . [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]-- Depends on <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 /><st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">ur</st1lace></st1:city> definition of truth… [/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]You seem to be self centered all in the discussion thread , i dont see you inclined to any of your babies or husband in any of the ways . if you are staying with your husband for such a long time , hasnt he done things good for you ? i doubt. it is high time when you need to decide your priorities in life .[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]-- Hehehe… I had a good laugh on this one. That man definitely has done good. had her pregnant thrice and had fun with other women. Wat else can humiliate the woman who bore his 3 kids?[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Noorie,[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]U sure <st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">ur</st1lace></st1:city> hubby is not this Henna? Sounds a lot like a cat caught red handed [/FONT]:bonk[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]And take care dear… Just ignore all this nonsense. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]U take good care, get a break, come back. U ll definitely have a great life ahead… be it with or without the ‘selfish self centred guy in <st1:city w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">ur</st1lace></st1:city> life… But am sure u can have a life, a real one, if u r up for it... [/FONT]
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Hi Noorie,
Read your post. Felt very bad. This is the time you need your husband's support. As most of the posts say, do focus more on the new arrival. talk to him/her. start saying stories to him. researchers say the unborn infant's first development is the hearing capacity. so it can listen to whatever you say. keeptalking let the child listen to your stories. you try this out,. you will not be aware how time flies. feel good .your main concern has to be your child. you can handle other things later. but, get it across to your husband that you are not liking what he is doing. and he can't fool around you and try to convince you. that's it. I totally go by the suggestions given in this post. ignore him and his activities. you will get your turn to show him your might.
Be a good girl, rather a mother, i should say, and do justice to the child who is going to touch this earth in a few more days.
best of luck
sudhara

 

Sorry to say this Noorie. I think your husband is extremely selfish. You honestly deserve a better person. Do you have the support of your family? Once you get better I would suggest that you start trying to be financially independent.

Kavya

 

Noorie,
It was not clear if you are in India or your husband. Do you have family support? My suggestion would be to hang in there till your body recovers. Please do not under estimate the post partum rest. Lack of it could have long lasting effects.

Your relatioship with your husband can wait. The most important thing for you is YOU. I know it is easier said than done, but as I said earlier that is the only choice you have. Because YOU HAVE TO BE HEALTHY FOR YOUR SAKE AND THE SAKE OF THOSE THREE KIDS. Let your body and mind recover, and think about it after your baby turns 6 months old.

Why don't start with locking this issue up in the drawer till your baby completes 6 months. Then come back, to this forum.
Untill then participate in the new born forum, parenting, hobbies section. You need distraction girl, and you need happiness.

How is your baby doing? Is she sleeping alright? How are the kids handling the newborn sis?
drjp

 

Noorie,

I think you should wait for some time say 6 months like drjp suggested. Use this time to recover your body from pregnancy. Take care of kids. Use this time to check your husbands behaviour.

If you have family support then you can also use this time to do some course or something which can help you get a job. Plan to be financially independant by end of this period and then think about it again if you want to go ahead with divorce or want to continue this relationship for your kids.

Being financially independance will give you more confidance in whatever you choose to do.

 

Noorie,

I dont know if my post is going to help you in any way.
All I can say is try to be brave. I myself had a baby very recently and I know how hard it is to go thru all of that with an insensitive spouse. I feel for you.

I wanted to share the experience one of my closest friends ( someone I know since kindergarten days).

She is a well qualified professional.When her marriage was fixed, she gave up her career to give priority to family. Later she realised that he is having an extra marital affair with his colleague. She tried to give him another chance, but he still didnt stop contacts with her. My friend filed for a divorce and has had no contacts with the guy since then.

What I feel totally unfair about all this is that though the guy was wrong, he is having a good life. He got married to his girlfriend 1 month after the divorce and had a baby in less than a year.

For my friend, the road has been rough since then. She is a big individualist and has been literally struggling to get back on track with her career. After the long break she took during marriage, it has been very hard on her. A good friend of hers who also happens to be divorced proposed to her and they were dating for 2-3 years. One fine morning this guy just chickened out and got married to another girl because his mother did not want him to marry a divorcee.

My friend is still struggling with these ups and downs whereas her ex-hubby doesnt even care. He is happily living with his new wife. He doesnt even seem to have any prick of conscience for what he did to my friend.

Based on her experience, what I feel is, if you just ask for a divorce and walk out, that may be making your husband's life easy. He sounds like a selfish and irresponsible father and husband. For such a person, he would just happily hand over all the responsibilities of the kids and give you a divorce. Infact, he may even end up marrying this girlfriend of his.

He doesnt deserve it.He should be made to go thru the hardships of raising 3 kids and taking care of everything at home.

How about, just put your foot down - You are not an unpaid nanny for the kids. Put your foot down - Tell him that you need help at home.He should either do household stuff and take care of kids or he should hire a maid /nanny. Relax and stay with him. Start getting independant - try for a job or do some studies to help you get thru one ( ofcourse at his expense:thumbsup). In the mean time, try to stay relaxed and cool - do some expensive shopping ( jewellery, new clothes etc), go for spa treatments and treat yourself like a princess - at his expense ofcourse

Sorry Noorie - I am not sure if my suggestion is feasible in your case.
But based on the experience of my friend, I feel giving him a divorce is just making life easy for him - he doesnt deserve that!!!

 

i think you shouldnt stay with him....what made you have another child after finding out he was having an affair on you with the second baby? you deserve this honestly because you are just stupid and want to be treated like this. if u really didnt want to be treated like CRAP you would have left him. its better to see kids with one mother than with a father who emotionally abuses and disrespects the mother in front of them. now the kids are going to learn all thsi bad behavior from him and prolly do this to their wives in teh future. :thumbsup