are all men like this?is this normal for a married guy?

Flowerlady, totally agree.

BTW, I read somewhere recently that watching **** and sexual abuse can be closely related. Not to say that all who watch **** do it. But it can certainly wire your mind in that way. Everyone that reads this on this forum should do their best to curb these instincts. This is really not a healthy thing.

Boys can start doing this under peer-pressure in young age. But what can help them is that they grew up in normal sane families where all this was not even talked about. Eventually, they try and come back to their normal roots. So, important to know is that this behavior will affect your kids growing up.

 

This a taboo topic ,the husband knows that the wife will feel ashamed to say that DH watches **** . Its easier to say that DH physically and verbally abuses the wife but very difficult for a well bred girl to tell anyone that her DH is a **** addict.
If the wife gets to know of the addiction ,instead of being apologetic ,the DH becomes bolder and more open.The wife will feel ashamed but not the man because he is wired that way is the miserable excuse given.
My friends DH had a heart attack watching **** and he did not have the time to delete the sites. When his grown up sons came to visit they saw all the filth on the laptop. Being thick skinned the DH did not worry about this, in fact he was happy that from now on he would not have to delete ! He is not bothered about loosing respect etc.But God has given him a good punishment in the form of a heart disease. Such men are totally selfish and have a warped up personality.

Visiting sadistic sites is a mirror to the persons mind and his thinking. Men do not realise or are too selfish to see that the wife is uncomfortable with their habit. Love and care for the wife is far from their minds.

 

One good thing, I find in OP's husband.

He is not hiding and seeing BFs.

That means he will change

 

Men, Women, and Understanding Pornography - Internet Addiction

Anger, sexual abuse / craving beyong a certain limit is an indirect result of childhood abuse.

You need to check whether he's angry only here or elsewhere too.

 

It is not only a bad habit but unhealthy too. Dr.Narayana Reddy, the sexologist in Apollo Hospital, Chennai writes a column in the Ananda Vikatan, relating to such issue. He says that watching porno is not good for a healthy sexual life. Such men tend to become perverted too, those are such vulgar things. The only way to enjoy a good physical relation with one's spouse is to love the spouse from the heart. There are so many ways in which one can enjoy healthy sex with the spouse, that too in the initial days of marriage. But your husband should understand that he can create the eagerness in you only with love and not by fear or by compromise. Please be patient with him and give him some more time. After all, he is your husband.

 

BRAVO Anchored! I wonder if many girls talk to their boyfriends about this issues before getting married?

It's time for men to stop hiding behind the reasoning of "it's just what boys do" or "it's just men's nature" for the things they ought to be accountable for. **** is so detrimental to a relationship for all the reasons Anchored and Lemonlime has given, as well as for the fact that it sets such unrealistic standards and, sometimes, downright BIZARRE expectations on the part of men. I mean, majority of women don't have blond hair, blue eyes, 36DD bust size, facial contortions, verbal expressions, and - uhmm - gymnastic capabilities of the women featured in these movies:hide:. Some men (note that I said *some*, not all) can't seem to distinguish between reality and the wildly exaggerated acting in these cheap flicks.

Oh - and one final thing - these movies also use abusive language toward women. I know someone who is so hurt because her ****-loving husband insists on calling her sl*t / b*tch, saying that these are terms of "endearment". Call me a prude, but I would really hate it if someone called me a sl*t. I mean, how can you call someone you supposedly love the most derogatory term you could ever call a woman??!!! But again, that's just my opinion.

 

Rihana ,
Reading novels is fine as ones imagination comes in, watching is different as each and every detail is laid bare and explicitly presented. What one cannot imagine is also shown , the range is extended. Oh this can also happen - is what one thinks!
Ones imagination and thoughts are shaped by ones experiences only.
Its alright if the couple is happy watching it together ,but if one watches alone with or without the spouses knowledge then its not done. Then the other person feels like an object being used for practicals . It also means that the spouse is not satisfied and needs outside stimulation . It could be because of various reasons like medical or psychological .The wife may feel inferior to the perfect bodies shown as one does not remain young forever.
The basic reason is that the partner feels unloved and does not like being physically used . If love and care are lacking and one watches alone then its not fun at all.What if it puts an end to all intimacy then what ?

 

You have made some very good points, Rihana.

Anyway - there are so many misconceptions about this topic, that it is a futile exercise to try and remove the misconceptions. Couples can and probably should seek professional counseling if things go out of control.

 

Exactly my point too!!!

Rihana

What may suit you or be ok with you..may not be ok with another...I have known a couple who were desperate to have a baby and they had approached a physician and later got into yoga and exercises to boost up the hormones and libido. Watching **** may / may not always workout for everyone or may not feel like a solution for every couple.

However here the OPs problem is about the addiction and hiding the issue from spouse...If OP and her husband had been watching together for a genuine cause/reason like yours...situation would have been different.

I appreciate what Anchored has said..Doing something and reasoning it out is not acceptable!! Owning up responsibility and being in control is what the nature should be...anyone be it a man/woman.

Watching **** / dreaming about other women satisfying them is also like mental/emotional infidelity. A person may be physically with us..but what is the use if he is mentally and emotionally thinking about other women.