I don't like DH idea....pls help me !

Kailashwathi,

I cannot give you any advise here. But this is my question to other ladies who are more knowledgeable .....sorry if I am posing another question and not giving you a solution. But the answer to my question from some wise ladies here may lead to your solution...I guess!

Can you guys tell me if this sounds good?

Her dh wants to live and work here so why not she ask him to just drop the idea of buying a house and as he also like the education here so they just continue living until kids education is done and then move back. That way she has not fear whether they can sell the house and always a hope she is moving back. There may be a compromise from his side on not buying a house which she fears may tie them down here for next 20-25 years and she also compromise in moving his work, kids education to India. They make a deal like this but how far it is good you ladies need to tell...plzz...

They can cut back on costs like home improvement, HOA fee etc etc that are all attached to a house and that way she can go visit her Parents every year.
I dont know whether it is wise,financially or any other aspect to live for the next 10 years in an apartment.
Are there any one here living in apartments for that long because usually once our immigration status is settled we eye on buying a house and that is what most of them do and say it to be best decision.


Pour in you advise plzzz.... hope a solution to this comes up.

Adara

 

If two people have different expectations in a marraige,one will be the looser and one will be the winner or after sometime,one can see other person decision is good or bad or sometiems time will decide.

It all depend on whose hand is upper in a relation or who can easily adjust or compromise.

So these decisions will depend on so many dynamics and there is no one simple solution.
Only advise don't worry too much for this.I think lot of time,when men having travel job,that will stress the family lot and lot.If your husband having that kind of job and see he can get any local job and see what are the things making you sad to live here and improve them while you guys debating other things.


All the best!!

 

Totally agree with Priya.

One more point to add is...be open to ideas from your spouse. It applies both to husband and wife. If some one is insisting on soemthing, ask them the reasons, talk about the facts....not emotions.

I might sound a bit judgemental...but we all have to remember that if someone is a sole bread winner in the house, then we have to give them atleast some benefit of doubt , as no matter what happens they are the ones who have to support us financially. so if husband is the sole bread winner and he doesnt like to work in India, makes the situation a bit more complicated and resentment builds in, if we push him to do what he doesnt like.

Moreover, if down the line after moving to India, if there are any problems in jobs/with inlaws/any matter...tiffs would increase.

If Parvathi knows about managing finances, or the key things involved in buying a home / moving to India expenses she should make him sit and talk aobut facts..rather than saying her parents are alone and old/her daughter needs to play iwth cousins..bonkthese cant be valid reasons to discuss such big decision..) JMO

 

kailashwathi,

By any chance,do you have any plan that you can go first and live in india for sometime without your husband and decide?

If you are very strong about your decision then I don't think any choice left for your husband. In my family,I am kind of ok,I can go in any direction but my husband is very strong.If he has something in mind that should be done.

 

Parvathi

Seems like you have already made your decision. Then no point in putting my thoughts or suggestions.

 

Hi Kailashwati,

I see your point. You feel that we also owe to our parents to be close to them in their old age. I respect that. Have you tried spending the summer vacation months in India to see how you feel about returning? That way you will not affect your dd's education.

 

Hi Parvati,

It’s a tough decision but you have got to choose between your hubby and your parents. There is only one wish for you to be granted. If I ask you this question what would you say?

The same situation was faced with my aunt. She stayed for a year with her parents and then decided to permanently settle in <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-comffice:smarttags" /><st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Canada</st1lace></st1:country-region> with my uncle. At that time she didn’t have any children. She conceived in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">Canada</st1lace></st1:country-region> and has got citizenship for both the children. Uncle knew that he wouldn’t get a better job in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region>. My uncle has bought a house in <st1:country-region w:st="on">Canada</st1:country-region> and they visit <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> once in five years. Coming and settling in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> is not a big deal, the challenge is that you cannot make big money like you make abroad.

May be if you are considering to stay in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> with your daughter, you can give it a try for one year in case your husband is adamant. You can see the difference. You will miss him a lot unless you can manage independently without him. This I am telling from my aunt’s experience. I know my uncle had just come to <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> in December and couldn’t even make it for my grandfather’s funeral in February. It’s a tough life girl. You need to choose.

One of the reasons could be that your husband is ambitious and does not like <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region>. In that case, you need to clap along with him. They say you cannot clap with one hand and you need two to complete the clap. You can sit and try and convince him about the advantages you have in <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">India</st1lace></st1:country-region> w.r.t studies for your DD, house, job security, your parents etc. If he is convinced you have won three fourth of your battle. Then you both can fly down.

Another alternative is that you can get your parents to the <st1:country-region w:st="on"><st1lace w:st="on">US</st1lace></st1:country-region> to stay with you; unless they like US and are comfortable.

Bon voyage.