I don't like DH idea....pls help me !

I have seen this case ...so often.
In my case too and many of my friends,men dont want to move back to india but being women we are more emotionally tied up.Men are more practical and have seen more of india,indian work culture,traffic ,al lthat and this easy life & less work as compared to india lures them to stay here.
We are worried as we think 10 yes ahead.What would happen when children grow up..they wont mingle with relatives in india...they wot respect us,our culture...marriage problems..And all this do happen.
Careerwise everything becomes perfect but lfe-social life becmoes messed up.
As they become American born confued desi.

 

Dear

As much as I agree with you on few of the points you mentioned, however, my recent observations and conclusions are...children who are born and raised with family culture and tradition and customs in USA are much better than the ones that are born and brought up in India.

Ask me why?? being in US we all follow traditions, customs, festivals, rituals more than when we were in India. Reason we want to be close to our culture. But when we are in that culture in India, we hardly pay attention to it.

How many kids go to temple or sit with their parents during the pooja in India? and how many kids do that in US??

We have to really wake up from our age old beleifs...things have changed alot in India...kids are much faster there, trying to imitate the western culture iwth half knowledge. Atleast here kids know what is the diff. b/w our and western culture. most of the kids in India dont know the difference or where to draw the line (as they get knowledge only by seeing movies/hearing some stories...)

 

I owned a house in the US, sold it and moved back to Chennai. My house in Chennai is more expensive and smaller than the one in Los Angeles. :bonk

I think the issue here is of permanency. The original poster fears that the act of inventing money in a house indicates that all doors of moving back to India are closed. Her dh has accepted that fact but she has not.

If you want to move back to India, then this is the time to convince your husband. If you delay it any longer (since your daughter is already 10), I don't think you will be able to move back at all.

Weigh the pros and cons of moving to India, before you invest in a house.

 

Dear,
We used to own a house in US until we moved back to India this year. some of pros and cons of owning a house are below. May be you can choose what ever points you can try to convince ur husband and may be some points are clear to you also.
Cons
1. Paying EMI is not sufficient for you to calculate with your monthly payments. Then there is city tax, county tax(did you take these into consideration also?), your utility bills, Sewer(may be never paid in apt), water bill(may be or may be not), Gas bill(depending on state if it is cold state it can go up to as high 1/4 of ur EMI during winter months), then ur power bill(which can also go up in summer especially when you are using centralised AC in home whereas in Apt you will be using only 1 or 2 ac units).
2. Home maintainance(for example Grass cutting you have to cut ur grass atleast once a week or twice a monthly if you really don't care how ur grass looks). If ur DH is not willing to do that(which is really hard work and atleast 3 hours of sweating in the heat and lots of minced grass on the whole body and you can imagine ur Husband getting ufff's, grr all out) then add $100 for month. How abt gardening, do you really like to plant all seasonal plants(sometimes you are like let it go and then all ur neighbours seasonals bloom and infront of ur home n flowers).
3. Is he or you willing to do carpeting and once a year carpet wash(in apt the apt people will come and do) but in home we have to do or pay again it's all $$.
4. Did you or your DH decide on buying new one or 2nd hand. New one comes with more $$ requirements. you need to buy washing machine, fridge, automatic garage opener, gardening(it can cost you anyware from 5 to 10K), Deck on your back(again 5k to 7K).

5. Maintaing your house after partys. The best part I enjoyed is giving partys and then comes worst part cleaning up. (some of cleaning examples are (i) one of my DH friend put a beer bottle in freezer and he forgot abt it. Then next day I was cleaning up, opened up the freezer, I was like beating that DH friend with a hammer:bonk . Our was a 2 door refrigerator and you can imagine how much I had to clean. (ii) in one more party some guy poured wine on the carpet. Can you imagine the red spot lasted for 3 years. Kids throw all kind of stuff from crayons to colored cereal. enough of nagging let us come to HAPPY part.
Good Things:
1. It is your home, that feel only makes halucinate. (my 2nd son was born).
2. In party's all ur friend's will be asking you to show ur home and you will be proud home owner.(I enjoyed most).
3. After some time the home becomes like some family person let me tell you, you will be passionate towards it for some people it will be like obession(they will keep on adding sth new like decorating, curtains, flowers). Mine was to get flowers(real) and put it in Vas.
4. My kids enjoyed the most. After we moved to India also, my first son couldn't forget it. Still after 1 year also, he tells his Grandparents "In our america, we have big TV and Big Fridge".
5. Especially after hearing ur kid being 10 years, you have to take ur decision if you want to stay there or not.(One of my relatives they moved back to India and it took them almost 1 year to convince their DD who was in 7th grade at that time to come here to India).
6. This is the right time to buy home, since market is in slump and you want to invest ur money and I am sure ur kid will enjoy also.
P.S. I still didnot come to terms of not living in that house anymore. Still feels like I lost my loved one
Think about it.

 

Parvati ,

I don't know this will help you or not but why don't you give a try that you stay in india for a year or so and see the things and see that the living in india will meet your expecations or not.

I beleive things before marriage are very different from things after the marraige.Before marraige you will have friends and all the relatives.But after marraige there are so many strings attached to each relation.

If I take my family,my husband is really want people especially in the week ends.So we have set of friends,whom we can meet freely and they also come to my home very often.

Just my 2Cents.

​

 

Hi parvati,

Yes as you said almost all desis will be happy when their DH buys house here and settle here.

Perception differs people to people.

First you will have to try and Find out main purpose of your going back to india, and put that purpose, or make that purpose your goal, or objective. Then try to put or project that Objective in a better way to your DH.

Also I would like to suggest, First think over the real intention of yours, not wanting to live here, like other ilites have written, like how long you were here, why you get bored here, or why you dont like to stay here.

above all destiny will play its role, and you should be able to accept it in a positive way.

rgds

 

Nandshyam, I understand completely what u are saying. But first time home buyers should also invest in a lower market. My personal opinion of course. When buying a first home aim for a lower priced housed as compared to a house that would cost over 300k. That way, it will be easier to manage.

Many times couples find themselves in trouble when trying to keep up with the Jones'. Only buy what you can afford.

 

Parvathi

If you are citizens, why dont you go to India for a short period, live there and make a decision whether to move permanently or not.

When you talk about being away from family...are you talking about yours or his? You didnt answer whether you have any siblings in India? how are your parents managing all this while.

If you have read posts of our friends here on IL, you would understand, for a working person (be it a man/woman) they already have had established their position at a place.Asking that person to move to a place where working hours are exhausting, is not right!

You want to be with family. whose family? which family? your DD & DH are supposed to be your first priority. If you move back to India, your husband working long hours in a day, not able to spend time even during weekends,resenting you for pushing him to take that decision, wouldnt it create distance b/w you, your husband and daughter? you want your daughter to spend time with her relatives/cousins, thats a good idea, then why dont you all ensure every year you take a 1 month vacation and go to India spend time with everyone...rather than making a decision to move permanently. You are looking for being there for your parents(this is what it appears to me as of now) but in that course you would see distance and stress b/w you and your husband, your husband may not be able to spend enough time with your daughter. Think it over...

As I said nothing is easy/tough in this country, i.e to buy /sell a home.but I still have this question, even with out having a place of your own to live in India, how can you even plan to move back? are you planning to live with inlaws? or are you planning to movein with your parents??

 

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