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pblm with husband's sister son!!

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by sindukarthik, Sep 22, 2009.

  1. sindukarthik

    sindukarthik New IL'ite

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    hi all,

    my husband is born with a sister. She have a son who has completed Engineering this year. He is not at all a smart person,very dull. So i thought thinking him as my brother, adviced him and even shouted at him. He was with us for nearly 2 months now.

    Last week, i didnt shout at him. But suddenly he started shouting saying im going beyond my limits.. i got really tensed and from that time im thinking that incident always. Actually i was doing things thinking good!! but everything went wrong.

    I really got v.upset since that time.. actually im TTC and my periods got delayed from 9th sep.,but after this incident i became v.tensed and now i got my periods too..

    My husband and everybody in the family has started advicing him for so many days. Yday he messaged me asking sorry. But i think he is doing it for others sake.. How do i react? I feel v.hatred towards him.

    can anyone help me? now i feel i have done a mistake. Then should i not think good?? am i right?

    rgds
    :confused2:sindhu
     
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  2. vidhkarthik

    vidhkarthik Bronze IL'ite

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    Sindu - He is not related to you by blood and you came to know of him only after your marriage. So..the proximity level is obviously low here.

    You may have the world's best intentions, but shouting at him is NONE of your business and a big NO-NO, If your MIL shouts at you for not cooking well at all, would you like it? On top of that, If she hates you for asking her not to shout..how would you react?

    Yes, You did wrong by crossing your limits and shouting at a grown up adult. You should not be angry on the poor guy for asking you to be in your limits. Let your husband or your ILs deal with him. If he is at your house, treat him as a guest and Thats it.
     
  3. maggi99

    maggi99 Senior IL'ite

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    He is just your guest Sindhu. Your good intentions are not taken in a right way. What ever it is its not your brother or your sister's son to take liberty and speak. (with few relations its always good to maintain distance)

    Just dont bother much abt what has happened. And also its his age that he would not like to be advised. He shouting at you is just not acceptable and thats why that thought is haunting you.

    He is not matured enough to accept your words in right spirit.
    Ignore. Just ignore.
     
  4. Taurusgirl

    Taurusgirl New IL'ite

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    Totally agree with Vidhkarthic
    You dont know what the poor guy is going through - emotionally, socially, academically, mentally, physically. You cant yell at someone like that. Yelling will not help at all. This applies even to your own son or daughter.

    So please forgive him and back off. HIS LIFE is none of your business.
     
  5. Nandshyam

    Nandshyam IL Hall of Fame

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    Sindhu,

    Put yourself in his shoes and feel what would you go through. Do you still think you were right? Think about it.
     
  6. blessed

    blessed Platinum IL'ite

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    Totally agree with Vidhkarthic and the other ladies,

    Shouting and advising a 21-22 year old guy sounds so strange.

    I don't understand how he took it for so long, u can only try to be his freind and never can consider him as your brother and take the liberty to shout at him.
    Calling him dull and not smart is again not correct, if he has finished a professional course then he must be smart and intelligent, just imagine if your SIL gets to know about it, no mother will like anyone thinking or commenting like this about their children. This is a sensitive issue, it is good that he messaged u an apology, just tell him that their is no hard feelings and everything is forgotton.
     
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2009
  7. sindukarthik

    sindukarthik New IL'ite

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    hi all,

    thanks for ur comments and suggestions..

    I had always tried to be a good friend to him.. i shout at him little and advice him a lot.. this is also since his parents wanted me to do so... I know i was wrong.. since i thought him to be my own.. but forgot to think as my SIL's son.. also i didnt go my way advicing him.. it is due to their pressure i adviced him all these days.. even now they insist... he is small boy.. u apologise him... but now im clear in my stands and stopped advicing..

    but one thing im clear... thinking good for everybody is fooling ourselves..!!
     

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