Why judgemental statements?

skalluri · Aug 26, 2009

Dear Harini,

You are awesome!! I appreciate from my heart for the social work you are doing.

Any judgements should not effect you as nobody asked you to do this. You should feel proud of what you are doing. Everbobdy should have personal satisfaction in their life. the job is our livelihood, but the things like social work is something which gives soul (personal) satisfaction.

Keep it up. nothing should effect your feelings for the work you do.

Sujatha.

suma21 · Aug 26, 2009

Dear Harini,

A warm hug to you....You are doing a great job.Just focus on your goals & dont worry about the Noise.Ignore & Move on...you are role model to many .:thumbsup....I am very much intrested to do social service once i return to India next year.I will be Living in Bangalore.I would really appriciate if you can guide me.How do you do it?Do you have links to Local NGO's?I will feel blessed if i can give back to society.

Take care,
Suma

Abhirami · Aug 26, 2009

Your life sounds beautiful. Rather what you are doing for others.

Don't let others bother you as all the ILs said. But here are some responses that might shut people up (I got this idea from one of my neighbors- She was pregnant for the fourth time and someone asked her "Did you want the baby?" - none of their business. She sweetly answered "I wanted six kids but what to do, am too old to have any more!" and went on with the conversation)

1. "Wow, what you're doing is great, I couldnt do it because I have loans to repay" - But I too have an outstanding home loan for the next 20 years...

>> Yeah, all of us do. But in my case, my husband is confident he can handle the finances while I do something emotionally satisfying.

2. "I would get bored doing these kind of things"

>> Yeah, social work is not for everyone. You need to be really creative and passionate about everything you do.

3. "You are joking, right?" - Why would I joke about these things?

>> No, why would you say so? Now THAT's funny! (say this while laughing)

4. "People who study MBA have really weird ideas on service" - I had these ideas before I did MBA... and these are not weird ideas!!!

>> Yeah, true, weird, right? Thank God my weird (if you are really irritated, do the quote-unquote with your fingers) ideas are helpful for so many people.

5. "I can never do all these things because I have responsibility of my in-laws" - And I dont have??? What about my 85 year old FIL?

>> Yeah, only some people can juggle responsibilities and social work. Though I have as many responsibilities as most other people, I am lucky to have a supportive husband! Touchwood.

6. "Where do you get these ideas from? I never get the opportunity" - I went out to look for opportunities!!

>> Yeah, most people assume such things just happen on their own. But it took a long time for me to find my niche.

7. "It takes too much effort, I will never do these things" - Fine, But I dont need to hear that!!

>> Oh yes it does, not everyone is cut out for this, but I wouldn't dream of doing anything else.

8. "You dont have cable TV. Wow, you really sacrificed for other people" - We never had cable TV for the past 5 years because we just dont watch TV, nothing related to what I do!! And anyway, we watch the movies we like on DVD or internet... so no big sacrifice!!!

>> Well, I am not a TV person anyway. Reading is more my thing.

9. "People who believe in Swamis do this kind of things" - Where is the connection? And anyway, I only believe in God

>> Really? Most people I am involved with do not even visit temples regularly. I guess religiousness is just a frame of mind.

harinisripada · Aug 26, 2009

Thanx everybody, for your encouraging words. I know about the housewife-working women stuff too!! It is probably the same thing!!!

Yeah, even I am not religious, even during ganpati and varalakshmi and dussera, all I do is light the diyas and make one single sweet dish as prasadam. Because my husband doesnt enjoy sweets and my FIL is not supposed to eat sweet dishes.... So, it is for me and my son only..

So invariably, people around start commenting on these things - how they make at least 10 dishes during ganesh chaturthi - pulihara, pachadi, vada, paramannam, blah blah... and I dont make all these items

And during dussera how they all have to fast and I dont - well, I am glucose intolerant - cant stay hungry - and I also have thyroid problems - so absolutely not allowed to fast!!!

And the funny part is they first tried to say things about my "work" to my FIL and my DH.... ha ha ha ... they got the response of their lives!!!! They had to back off in a hurry!!! .... Once they realised that I am the sensitive one here, they started telling me!!!

I am not usually hurt by these words... I usually have enough confidence and self esteem to tolerate most taunts...

But sometimes when I'm tired or my back pain comes back, I get these ideas to write to IL for some moral support and good words... Thanx all for your words.. They really help!!!

In fact I have planned the value education class today about the River Saraswathi - Goddess of Knowledge, yes, but also purity of thoughts, words and actions - I hope at least my little students grow up with that purity !!!

Still Smiling
Harini

Shanvy · Aug 26, 2009

Harini,

Did read your post yesterday, but could not put any of my thoughts here immediately. I can really understand about the judgmental statements.

I think, people tend to hurt us more when they know we are sensitive and also when they feel incompetent to do what we are able to accomplish inspite of other constraints.

Do what your are doing. as long as your family is not affected and your conscience is not questioning.

would smart answers help to change the way they think. they will find other excuses for not doing it. Learning to ignore them is a way and if that is not enough, we still can go ahead and give them what they want. answers ...

Hugs to you. keep the good work going.