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Should I walk out or stay ?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Taurusgirl, Aug 6, 2009.

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  1. chocolate

    chocolate Platinum IL'ite

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    Taurusgirl, What is your husband's PD and chargeability and category. If its close to processing times published now , I think you can postpone your response for some time. Otherwise, You can have your employer file for your H1 and then do as you wanted.Unfortunately , here divorce is awarded even with one spouse willing. With EAD based on your husband's GC application ,without a status of your own you run the danger of being out of status if he decides to file for divorce.Think and decide. Good Luck.
     
  2. Mangai82

    Mangai82 New IL'ite

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    Dear,

    Always remember onething "Husband and wife may get seperated, but not Father and Mother". If u raised the same question before ur child birth we all would have suggested you to get seperated. But now think of ur kid, as Monica said dont think about future savings, just live the life today. Change your account, hide lot of things from ur husband, use ur kids name say i bought this bought that for him, send ur parents money via soemone travelling to india. Main thing see to that ur fighting should not affect ur kid. :thumbsup
     
  3. bhuvanalady

    bhuvanalady New IL'ite

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    HI,
    i think its good to go with malyatha's suggestion and wait for some time..
     
  4. mukal

    mukal New IL'ite

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    Dear Taurusgirl,

    Your post clearly shows your agony...however do not feel lonely about this situation..I have witnessed many ladies who has a clear distinction and image outside the marriage campus, also has these kind of sickening issues inside the campus.

    But as I always quote, we have double advantage compared with men. Men can think and act rationally , control the situation only by using their brain; but we have a double sword. All of us can handle any situation using our Mind and heart applied.

    Under your current level, dont get flushed only with negative emotions. Today in a global environment, where you can control things better way, do not bother abt this..
    1. Talk to your husband that you will not check abt the money matters with him , but request for a credit or debit card thru his account. Utilise it to purchase ornaments, materials or whatever you want.Keep yourself happy and show a different accomodating face to him as a good wife.
    2. Take care of your child. Child at the age of 3 requires a wonderful atmospeher at home. The child's future is there and you keep this in mind and work towards this.
    3. Right. Now you acted right as a Mother and wife. Amicably create an account for you and get your salary onto this. Protect it and do not share it with anyone. You try to arrange for the money to your parents through some common friends and you can provide the same later from your account. In India, I have seen many people still maintain their communications with their parent's/hostel address than using the current one where they stay with their Husband. Anyhow every person will definitely keep some secrets and when he has his share, you also maintain your share of secret codes/account books/money.
    4. Find out from your well wishers in India and transfer your money into some asset in ur name.

    If you think on this way, yourself will get many ideas and you can realise your potential. It is not Mythology that we Sakthi's got lot of potential but it is true.

    We are here to support you. With my Prayers always with you. Take care.
     
  5. Taurusgirl

    Taurusgirl New IL'ite

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    Thanks Ladies for all the heart warming support...

    Chocolate, he filed Labor in 2003 Feb and is EB3. So is there a chance to get GC soon ?
    Also he says that he doesnt have to give alimony and he will leave me penniless.. he is only entitled child support. Is that true. I have zero bank balance and if i get sick or something I dont have a fallback.

    thats whats making me scary and submissive ...
     
  6. spap

    spap Senior IL'ite

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    I am not a lawyer but here are things that I know. IF your country of chargeability is India, then don't count on getting a GC soon in EB3 category unless CIR happens(thats wishful thinking). If you are really worried about your immigration status, please ask your employer if he has sponsor your H1. H1 is the only way to be independent in your case if you want to remain here in US.

    I am not sure if I am allowed to post website links here. Google for murthyforum and there is also a forum where people can post their immigration queries and a immirgation lawyer answers them everyday. Google for immigration-information and you should get the website. He is pretty helpful and I THINK he might accept for free consultation (Not sure).

    Personally, I think you should get these immigration matters sorted out, become independent so that you aren't getting threatened and inturn scared .

    Hope you get some solution soon. Take care
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2009
  7. Tridev

    Tridev Silver IL'ite

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    May be Chocolate would reply too, but based on EB3 as of now the bulletin says unavailable, again EB3 is heavily back logged, it can take any number of years to get GC, I know someone with 2001 PD still waiting to get GC under EB3. Anyway chances are it is going to take a while for GC to come. Legally there are ways to handle things through courts, whether its seperation, custody, immigration etc, but all that cost money, time, headache and pain,

    Its like fighting a battle. Only if that is the choice do it. Also living in US by yourself taking care of baby(single mom) may be not easy, try to reflect on those issues too. If you are afraid or contemplating that there would be divorce, think if its viable to return to India too. keep your options open.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2009
  8. priti8683

    priti8683 Senior IL'ite

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    u open ur account and send money to ur parents and told him...dnt hide from him...it creates again a big prob...seperation is very simple for us but not for kids....u should discuss with ur hubby...

    u strated working now, u r independant so u r thinking about sepereation...if u didnt get the job then what would u do...definitely u obey ur DH....I am not tellin obey ur DH all the time....but adjust for ur child's future....this is not the big issue for seperation...u can solve it. does ur DH has any bad habbits except this money minded? does he spends more money for himself? or is he stingy? If he is stingy then for sure he started savings for ur kid...

    how were the things before u started working? he didnt buy anything for u? or for kid? how was is his behaviour with ur parents? did they come for ur delivery? If he is not transperant for his money transactions then leave it dnt think for future savings....some men dnt like to spend more money for decorating houses or some extra needs..

    Think about ur DH behaviour from the starting days....many working women's get pocket money from DHs..he has sent money to ur inlaws...how is their background? financially sound? does ur DH has any brothers or sisters? did he send money to them...U r living with ur DH, so if he hides from u atleast u have minimum knowledge about som things from DH conversations...so that u can justify him..

    I am just saying but i am not in ur place so may be my thinking is wrong...

    Finally just think about ur visa status. yeah u can contact murthy people...u can call them and ask about ur status...according to my knowledge only if u r on H1 u can stay here after divorce...after the divorce ur H4 gets cancellation...I think EAD too....its better u confirm this...

    try to file H1 (incase if u have any prob with EAD )become independent so that you aren't getting threatened.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2009
  9. Priya16

    Priya16 IL Hall of Fame

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    On Funny note:-
    These days,I am hearing lot about brain and how the cells are connected and which reflect the eating habits and all sort of thigs.
    I beleive for control freeks like the OP DH,may be some brain cells are disconnected or over connected and DR should able to seperate them to act properly and It will solve the OP problem instead of all the difficult phase.

    I try to gather information like priti8683 but I realised she didn't have any respect in her own house irrespective of money.He has talking left and right to her without any self respect then I stopped.
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2009
  10. advitha

    advitha Silver IL'ite

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    Taurusgirl,

    Just saw this thread from the front page and started to follow up.

    For your EAD and I-485 petition, since you have filed as a derivative of your spouse, it will be in a toast. As someone suggested here, look for options of applying H1-B. Talk to an immigration lawyer, and take their opinions. Because with the current pace at which EB3 PDs are moving it might just take indefinite time to get your GC. So make your moves accordingly.

    Its better you contact a family lawyer to talk in detail about divorce and post-marriage procedures. We, here in IL can give you only moral support and ideas but they know the law. And please don't be subdued by your husband's behavior. You have rights to spend your money, period.

    Take all our encouraging words, and move on with high spirits my dear :thumbsup

    -Uma
     
    Last edited: Aug 7, 2009
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