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What upsets a new bride most?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by shakambari, Jun 12, 2009.

  1. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Shakambari,

    I did not reply to his post because I did not want to bring back sad memories. But then after reading so many replies I thought of replying too with the hope that if a new bride faces a similar experience like me-she will feel that she is not alone.

    1. In my wedding party which was held in my in -laws home, my in-laws did not interact with me, did not come near me, not even asked for a glass of water in the party hall where I was sitting all alone over a bed, all decorated as a new bride. Some of my in-laws sat in the last row in the same room-never coming to give me company or asking for water, forget about food. Seeing that they are not interacting with me-I left my seat and came near them to talk-but they did not stand up or offer me a seat-I felt humiliated and I went back to my own seat. My husband was kept busy -he was forced to attend the guests in the main gate. I was hungry all day-and in the evening when I was too hungry and too embarrassed to ask for food, I called up my brother in the mobile and asked him to bring some bananas. He brought the bananas and in the pretext of arranging my Saree in another room, I ate bananas. I was kept starved for 16 hours [with no water] while they were taking mithais and teas from time to time. I asked for water -they send a boy to fetch water but that boy never turned up. In the evening my close friends came-they brought water, mithais, etc. and I was relieved.

    2. My MIL created a huge scene- Telling me the bedsheet on which I sat in the party hall is theirs and I cannot sit on it. I have to bring a bed sheet from my own home. {I had a bed sheet but that was for the wedding night at my in-laws home }. I had to call my parents over phone and they sent a bed sheet and only then I could sit in the hall.

    3. My MIL did not want the wedding night to be held. Immediately After my marriage ceremony, I was forced to go back to my own parents house and I had to stay there for four days. The reason ?- They do not have an "extra" bed in their house -the carpenter is making it now- {I was so angry after liseting to this excuse}. After five days, I came to my in-laws place.- HAVE YOU EVER HEARD ABOUT A BRIDE NOT STAYING IN IN-LAWS PLACE AFTER THE MARRIAGE CEREMONY IS OVER-THAT TOO FOR FIVE DAYS ? WELL I AM THAT BRIDE.
    I complained to my hubby to take me back to my in-laws place as I am married to him now. After some heated arguments, he took me home and bought a new bed himself. Otherwise those five days would have stretched to 10 days !

    4. After coming to my in-laws place, my MIL and SIL complained about the dress that we gifted them-saying they do not like large prints on their dresses. They wear only small prints.

    5. After dinner, everybody left their leftover food and plates on the table. There were no servants. MIL looked at me and those dishes and left. Co-sis and SIL were also staring. Then she yelled-"why are these plates lying around? She said to me -"take your plate and others plate to the ktchen".

    6. I cooked a meal made of mutton the next day after arrival. Forget about praising me, nobody said a word to me. Only my husband praised me saying -"it is very good". Indeed, it was tasty .

    7. When I woke up in the morning and went to the kitchen to prepare tea-my SIL told me to take bath and then enter kitchen. It was cold December morning, Still I took bath with cold water. When I came back from the bathroom-everyone had their tea [they made it and took it] . There was no tea left for me. When I went to the kitchen to prepre tea for myself, they told me-Do not make tea now, let your
    husband wake up-only after that you can have tea and food. When I went to wake up my husband-they told me-"Do not disturb him. He is tired." BUT I was feeling so hungry.

    8. In the evening they started joking and MIL told me that my father and mother are drug addicts, chain -smoker and drunkards [all rolled into one]. When I said why are you saying this false things and meaningless things to respectable people ? She told Hey, I am just joking !!!

    9. They advised me to starve the whole day when I have periods and take nothing but water in the first day of periods. Thank God that I did not have periods while I was there.

    Lots of things happened after that. I do not want to make this list long. It is already hurting me.

    Regards,
    "HAPPY"
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2009
  2. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    OMG! Iam really shocked to see your whole post,but these lines made me to feel for you and my heart goes with your feelings dearie...

    Dont worry.God is there.Evil hearted people should definitely be punished....

    I appreciate your sincere efforts in writing this post despite your bad experiences.
     
  3. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Rajalakshmi,

    Thank you for your concern. When I was writing my problems in IL, I skipped these events and wrote only those events that happened after these events. As a new bride, I was hurt but also confused as to what was happening around me. I also thought that I was new and slowly things would be better if they get to know me better. But that never happened.

    Now I am taking control of my life and the events around me.

    I call up my in-laws regularly-once a week, without fail-but do not have any expectations from them. I am just doing "what ought to be done ".

    Thanks,
    "HAPPY"
     
    Last edited: Jul 22, 2009
  4. pushiv

    pushiv New IL'ite

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    :rantBaaap reee!!! i read all the replies and was wonderstruck that i have been through almost 95% of what everybody has written! yes, my parents were insulted, my upbringing debated, my dress sense commented, told to cut my nails, compared to elder co-sis,told not to sit down when elders (his brother and dad) are in room, not to eat till they all finish, made to babysit their kids when they would go out or sleep, literally dangle out of the auto after all of them had sat comfortably, share all my clothes......oh the list can go on and on.... ours was a love marriage and we were the youngest in the lot. hubby never opened his mouth then or now! i tolerated a lot for first 5 years and took everything swallowing my pride.i used to think that since they had accepted me it was my duty to keep quiet, but after my daughter was born and i was still insulted and shouted at i lost my cool. funnily, the day i raised my voice my MIL shut up.and again hubby didnt open his mouth....thanks to her tutoring that hubbies shouldnt interfere in women's affairs:bonk! now after 10 years...it is a love hate relationship but i want my kids to have a loving relationship with their grandparents so i tolerate them.and they dont dare to interfere with the way i run the house or bring up the kids.:thumbsup
    pushpa
     
  5. rajalakshmigopal

    rajalakshmigopal Gold IL'ite

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    Don't worry dearie.These sort of experiences will definitely be helpful to all the new brides here.

    Iam kind of relaxed that your problems are being handled and are control now...I really learn a lot from you....

    May God bless you...
     
  6. depressed

    depressed Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Rajalakshmi, Your kind words really made my day !!!:)

    Take care,
    "HAPPY"
     
  7. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Depressed,

    I am speechless after reading ur post.

    Why, Ur mil and other ils can give any mega serial mil

    the run for her money.

    It seems as if their sole motive was making your life miserable and

    showing off that they are superior just bcoz they are the the boys mother etc.

    Now, that you have survived it all and come out successfully and are happy,Hats off to you.

    Hope venting out has made u feel better and lighter.
     
  8. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Thanks for the candid fb,Stephane.

    When people stoop down to petty levels they hurt not only others but also bring hate on themselves...

    when Inlaws go all out to rub the new bride on the wrong side like this, their later life will be miserable bcoz their own children and their families distance themselves form them physically or emotionally...

    I have seen it happen in manny cases...
     
  9. shakambari

    shakambari Platinum IL'ite

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    Dear Pushpa,

    Thanks for the fb. True ,the initial reasons for upset leave a lifelong scar

    in the girls mind.

    'This makes her family life bitter and she finds it hard to forgive and forget

    and in due course, relationships become a formality and couples merely

    put up with each other for kids sake.

    And , thank you Rajalakshmi for dropping by with your valuable fbs.
     
  10. tempy72

    tempy72 Senior IL'ite

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    Mine is a different issue.when i was new bride mil, sil all were full of stress,tension,anger coz of sil life not settled well.from the day i entered both of them keeps complaining about sils inlaw place.i was too fustrated now everything in sil life is good all are quite.but can i get my new bridal days...
    one day god will punish them for spoiling my intial days..
     

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