Is abusing and saying sorry accepetable ?

I did that thing, my mother called my wifes mother and said what is going on and that your daughter is very adamant and wants to leave.

That caused my wife to get more angry , and when I spoke to her side of family about her attitude, anger and problems, she accused me of bad mouthing her family and became more hateful

Abusers will not like any approach, they want to be in control and when they see that someone is getting to know their true colors esp those who consider him or her very nice, they get more agitated.

Take this appraoch slightly with caution , esp what you talk with in laws, dont spill all beans at first go, just give some idea and then wait and see , tell what is bothering like say anger issue.....

 

why would his family be behind bars, are they abusing physically , or causing her harm, emotional abusers cannot be jailed... it can lead to phyical abuse, that is what her husband is doing. and he should go to jail when she files a complaint

just out of revenge do not use anti dowry laws against in laws if they are not demanding dowry after marriage.

 

A physically abusive husband is undesirable (like a plague or H1N1 flu!). The more you keep quite about it the more it escalates. The more you are invested in the marriage (kids, aging, dependence for honor/societal acceptance) the more it escalates.

So cut your losses early and find a better life.

Why more people don't do much about it is because of inertia. It takes the smart one to act. Just looking at the calendar to act will make it too late for you to redeem your life.

A desi hubby

 

Hi Priya,

I am very sorry to hear abt ur life.......... but pl dont give up. Fight till u succed. We all can give our views but the end s ur life. Take a bold decision. As Tridev said i think ur In laws should not be punished if they r really are good. So all the best pl keep sharing & update us ur decision so it will be of good use to others who face the same.

 

Dear Priya,

I am so sad and feel sorry for the tragedy what you are going through in your marriage now. My hugs to you dear!!!

Physical abuses are not acceptable for any reasons, and i could see from your last post that you have been harshly beaten up by your husband. you should not bear this anymore...Its a big NO - NO...

This is the right time to stand up for yourself and make a wise decision on your future - whether to give one more try to change your husband or to leave from this marriage hell completely... I am sorry to be so harsh!

I think you are the right person to decide in this regard.. Try to figure out all the pros and cons in this life and the social circumstances. Don't hesitate to seek advices from your FOO or ILs in this regard, but you must decide your future and not others.

Considering your previous posts, I would advice you to give a simple try to change your husband towards you. You both must stop involving your parents in your marital issues, unless there is a REAL need. The interfearence of parents or any outsiders would definitely harm your marriage.


You can simply sit down with your husband, and tell him that you can't bear his tortures/abuses anymore, hence you will never be hesitant to take necessary actions for a torture free life.
Frankly tell him that you need your own space. You are a well grown up working woman and not a teenage girl, thus he needn't worry about your movements unnecessarily. (At the same time, you must also develop a proper communication mechanism with your DH on all your movements, so no space for such silly arguments).


Tell him that you are hurt physically and mentally by all his abuses, but still you hope he can change somehow. That's why you are still here.

Do not try to speak to your husband or ILs for now. You are the victim here and they are at fault. Keep your silence until they come back to you (I know its not easy, but you must do this)

Do not entertain any arguments. If they initiate any fights, you simply leave the room. Just ignore them and concentrate your mind on something else.

Be bold, and show them that you are a new Priya who will never adjust or bear with such stupid plays again.

Try this for sometimes, and I hope everything will be fine soon... In case there is no change in your husband or ILs, you better move on!

Good luck girl.

 

I feel abusers wont change, yes they can mellow down a little, but as soon as they get into a situation they cannot control themself, they will verbally and in your case physically abuse,

Dont even think it wont happen again, I am in same boat, because of my son I am managing to stick in my home as my wife is very abusive, she can also get physical and try to hit me, and make me hit her too in anger, she reaches her peak in anger, in verbal abuse,

I have suffered so much in hands of my wife off late that I cannot imagne to contiue living with her, still i am trying

I dont know what to tell you... more than that.but do not let this happen ever again , this cycle of abuse is hard to stop and in your case its really really bad..

My wife if she is told little about her bad behavior she gets too angry and you have taken beating so many times and still have this cool temperament, which is remarkable.

 

Dear Illites & Priyanka

I am sorry but I had to make this comment here...wanted to highlight something....so please bear with me here...

Tridev

I really started having this confirmation now, that you are no less than your wife, you have posted all kinds of abuses your wife does and finally its my feeling that you too have done all those with her in the form of retort and blaming it on her for your actions. So I think you too should go to a therapist / a counsellor as I clearly see that you are also one type of abuser. pls stop blaming your wife for your actions..you / for that matter everyone is responsible for their own actions. (Lets not blame our parents/siblings/husband/wife/inlaws for our own actions)

No wonder she is getting more and more insane, because i am just picturising a situation where she shouts or criticises something and you retort back, she does with more force, you double the force, she goes insane to prove her point , throws some thing in the kitchen, you throw 2 things.....so where is the sanity here....for marriages to suceed atleast one person should be calm and sane and think...

now i understand why your wife is not ready to go to a therrapist or not ready to cooperate wth you..because she feels / she doesnt acccept you as a sane person who is suggesting something to fix the problem...she is feeling that she is being cornered / pointed out for what she does, and if she wants to tell the same thing to you ...am sure again you would go crazy and blame her again saying "SHE MADE ME DO ALL THAT STUFF"

If she is that bad am sure you would have left her by now..but seems like you too know deep inside that you too get too abusive and thats what is making you linger around...

I have not edited any of my lines/ immediate feelings I got when I read your below post.....if the moderator feels I wrote something wrong they can delete this one by all means!!

 

Srividya, I feel something is wrong with you , really , really I feel that, sorry to say, that , did you read my OP, you have all the right to blame me, I am not at all going to justify that I am fully right, you said you go and see counselor, I am already doing it, yes I may have abused verbally but I have never thrown things, picked knife or even used bad words or foul language for her family members.

I guess you have a third eye that you can see everything going around, that I have thrown things , and all that,

I have no doubt that I too have issues, like everyone has , no one is perfect, but unless you know the full thing you will not be able to understand what is going on, sitting somewhere else and blaming me for what ever is going on,

sorry op if I hijacked this post, my post to you was in general to abuse and srividya took it to show her resentment from my other thread

ALso Srividya my experience are mine and my feelings are mine. Thanks though for pointing my flaws because there your posts have helped me....