Confessions of an Alcoholic

Discussion in 'General Discussions' started by ShardaSuresh, May 19, 2009.

  1. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    This story was narrated to me by a lady named Saroja.

    Hi, My name is Saroja. My husband in an alcoholic. This is the first time I am speaking in front of people, my English is not very good and I am scared. But I want to tell you all my story, because many times before I have sat in those chairs and listened to your stories. Every time I heard you all speak, I said to myself some day I will succeed and tell you my story.

    I was 18 when I got married. Was doing 2nd year of my BA. After marriage I stopped my studies. In those days woman were raised to be home makers and my parents did not think it was important for me to finish my graduation.

    My Husband Srinivas .... I have never called him by his name before, worked with PWD. We lived with my mother and father in law in Triplicane. My husband was reserved and did not speak much. He always respected his father and never sat in his presence. I did not know much about alcohol, but could smell it in my husbands breath. The breath would be strong in the begining of the month and sometimes not be there by the end of the month.

    I used to think that alcoholics came home drunk and beat up their wives, my husband never did that so I thought he had just gone out with his friends.

    A year later my son Subbu was born. I spent all my time taking care of him and by this time I got used to the smell of Alcohol.

    When my son was 2 years old my father in law died. My husband started bring whiskey home and would lock himself in the bedroom. One day I entered the bedroom to put the washed clothes in the cupboard. My husband was angry, he started shouting at me and then beat me for the first time.

    After that I never entered the bedroom when it was shut. My husband used to give a part of his salary to me for house hold expenditure. As my son was growing the expenses increased, but the amount my husband gave remained the same. One day I asked him for more money, He got angry and started shouting. Then he dragged me to the room and beat me very hard. Next morning I checked his pockets and stole some money from him. I thought he would find out and beat me again, but he never found out. I realized that when he was drunk he did not remember anything.

    Slowly, I decided to empty his half drunk whiskey bottles in the sink. Thinking if he did not have any alcohol he would not drink. By this time he was drinking on Saturday afternoons and Sundays also. But I realized I was wrong. My husband would go out and buys more alcohol. So throwing the whiskey down the sink was actually throwing money down the sink. I stopped this practice soon.

    He always came straight from he office and locked himself in the bedroom.We never attending any family functions because I was scared of his behaviour. I never had any friends, I shut myself in my world. Once I spoke to my mother in law, but she did not do anything. Like me she was afraid, if she spoke she would have no place to live.

    I used to hide the money in a box in kitchen. I would save every penny for my sons books and fees. By the time Subbu was 7, he had been beaten by my husband many times and he learned not to go near his Appa esp in the evenings.

    Contd in the next thread .....
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2009
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  2. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    I never bought new sarees for myself. Even for Subbu it was hand me down books and uniforms. But Subbu studied hard and got admission in college. I sent him to live with my brother as I could not afford the hostel fees.

    I am old fashioned woman who believes in 'vidhi'. This was my vidhi and I know if I leave my husband he would be on the streets and maybe get killed by a passing car. I don't know what love is but I wanted my husband to live for ever.

    My son rarely visited me during his holidays. I don't blame him. Why will he want to come to house where his mother is always crying and complaining. Some body called this type of family dysfunctional. That is true, why would Subbu want to come back to his dys-functional family.

    A few years later, Subbu got married. It was a love marriage, Sheela was a catholic. I did not like that, I wanted an Iyer daughter in law. Subbu never asked for our permission he just informed us that he was marrying Sheela in a church.

    We attended the wedding, and that evening itself returned to Chennai by bus. My husband was drinking in the back of bus. By midnight he was shouting and vomiting. The conductor asked us to get out. In the middle of the night I sat by roadside alone. My husband had passed out and did not seem affected at all.

    Sheela used to call me by phone regularly. We started talking to each other. I wanted her to be happy and hoped Subbu was not drinking. One day I asked her if Subbu was treating her well. She said yes, he never touched alocohol and that he gave his entire salary to her. I was happy.

    One day when Sheela called, I started crying on the phone. I was very sad and in Sheela I had found a daughter. Sheela listened to me, but did not speak a word. A week later she called and said she wanted to visit us. She said Subbu was busy at work and could not come. But, I knew why Subbu was not coming, he had not come to our house for many years now.
     
    Last edited: May 19, 2009
  3. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    I cleaned the house thoroughly for Sheela. Seeing me clean, my husband decided to throw out all the empty bottles and he too wanted to clean the room. I was surprised and happy. I hoped Sheela would not notice any signs of Alcohol.

    First few days were very nice. Sheela was friendly and helped me in the kitchen. She talked about her hospital and every time she spoke about a patient of hers, her eyes would light up. She really loved being a nurse. She was kind and her soft spoken. I am sure she must have won the hearts of all her patients.

    Evenings, my husband would continue to close the door. He rarely ate dinner. But during the day for Sheela's sake he would not drink.

    One day at lunch time Sheela started talking to my husband. She said there are different types of sickness. Some get cancer, some have TB while others suffer from alcoholism. She said, just as the other diseases have a cure so does alcoholism.

    My husband was quite, he listened to her for a while. Then he said, I want to stop drinking. I know I have tried. But I can't give up. I am a weak man and I don't have the will power to give up drinking.

    Sheela talked to him about AA(Alcoholics Anonymous) and about this clinic. She said he will have to be admitted in the clinic and then with the help of the family give up the habit one day at a time.

    That afternoon itself we came here. Dr.Laxman was very nice. He did not judge us. My husband was admitted that day and he started his treatment.

    Its been 10 years since that afternoon. My husband has not touched alcohol in these 10 years. Every day is hard. We still attend AA meetings, we don't want to forget that even after giving up the habit and Alcoholic will always remain an Alcoholic.

    Today, Sheela and Subbu have 2 daughters. They spend their holidays with us. When Sheela has night duty I go and stay with them to take care of my grand daughters. My husband comes too. He loves to play with the girls.

    I wish I had know about this clinic before. Maybe I could have seen my husband play with Subbu.
     
  4. aarthilr

    aarthilr New IL'ite

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    A touching story.This has been the case of many women.Nice to see the way the story ended.Let us pray God to make these alcoholics quit the habit and stay fit.

    Regards,
    Aarthi
     
  5. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks Aarthi,

    The problem persists in our society. Its not a rich or a poor class syndrome. Saroja did not realize that there was help available. There are many like Saroja who try to hide this illness for the fear of social boycott.

    I hope more people will come forward and talk about their fight against Alcoholism and drug abuse
     
  6. s52

    s52 New IL'ite

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    i understand your plight. i myself went through hell with an alcoholic husband. though today we live with my only son's family, my husband has considerably reduced his drinking binges and he does not make a nusiance and create a scene.

    but he still is not social and hardly has any friends.

    he still continues with his scarcastic comments,abuses and hardly looks into my face while talking.

    its 36 yrs old marriage and 57 yrs behind me .i have thought of seperation may times. earlier i used to bear it and suffer for my son sake.now i give him back tit for tat. an abuse for an abuse.

    now both my son and dil are working. we look after our grandson.

    it has been roller coaster ride kinda of marriage.
    meanwhile i have become very emotional - cry for small matters, loveless and no emotions left.

    my grand son keep my days and life filled with happiness and joy.
    a very tired wife
     
  7. ShardaSuresh

    ShardaSuresh Bronze IL'ite

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    s52, Thanks for sharing. Like Saroja says "An alcoholic is always an Alcoholic". Sometimes these men reduce the amount they drink, but then slowly and unknowingly the drinking increases and they go back.

    I think the only solution is going Cold Turkey and then working everyday to not touch a drink again.

    BTW did your husband ever seek help from AA. Please share your experience. There are many silent readers who will benefit from your life experience.

    I am glad you are seeing happiness in your grand child. I wish you well.
     
  8. s52

    s52 New IL'ite

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    hi,
    did try everything. i went for the meetings.he did not think that he

    needed help. very vain. of course he thinks he can stop if he wants.

    it was hell. thank god. the worst is over. now he is 70 yrs old so it has become a little bit better. the drinks have reduced a lot.

    i wish no women suffer from such plight and violence at home. it take the joy out of life

    a very tired wife:hide:
     
  9. crazywriter

    crazywriter Platinum IL'ite

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    sadly, most addicts don't believe that they have a problem. I used to have friends who would smoke. they would say suprising things like "I don't want to live long" or "I can stop whenever I want to, its just that I don't want to stop". it takes a great deal of courage to admit that we have a problem. plus society has a harsh manner of treating addicts. this prevents most people from coming out in the open with their problems.
     
  10. aparajithaa

    aparajithaa Bronze IL'ite

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    how did i miss this post
    and i am glad for the lady she got a lovely daughter in law
    even though she was not an iyer
    nice write up :)
     

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