What is the ideal approach on this ???

I again came up with issues that happend yesterday. I just want some inputs on how to handle this situation as "only issues with my IL's" are ruining our married life. Those who have read my earlier posts, might know me well, that mine is a love marriage, that happend without the full consent of my in-laws. Since my marriage I have seen remarkable changes in my Dh's behavior (i.e.prioritizing his family more than my respect,wants, or anything). Perhaps thats the reason why I haven't been mentally prepared for a kid even after 2.5 yrs of marriage and a courtship of 5 years before the marriage.
As I have mentioned in my earlier posts, that my In-laws are extremely hypocrit,sarcastic, money hungry and leave no stones unturned to torture me mentally.
They make sarcastic comments on my way of wearing dresses, my way of living, my job, they will decide how many days I should stay with my parents, what we cook here, if I cook abc, then certainly its not good for health eventhough they eat the same etc... the usual problems as all the ladies have.
After getting valuable inputs from IL's I started raising my voice and showing my likes and dislikes but of late I found my Dh behaving worser than before.
My Dh spends whole, I mean every single pie of his earning for his family's house loan (which is getting built), monthly expenses,telephone and internet bills, gifts, jewelleries, sister's MBA, sister's wedding , in short everything. When we visit India, his mom sits next to him, relates to her plights and my Dh gets emotinally blackmailed and spends everything to the point that we don't have money for the taxi fare to return. I used to work during that time and help him in these situation. Whenever I used to raise my voice since my marriage, we ended up fighting profusely. Gradually, as my mom's advice I stopped commenting anything to bring peace between us or rather to win confidence of my Dh (as adviced by some ladies). These things keeps on repeating every now and then in my household and I keep mum.
Of late, I have seen my IL's have started entering into our personal boundaries too much. During the yahoo chat session, we have to tell them everything, what we cook, when we have lunch/dinner,how much are we saving etc. After hearing all these, my Il's would start giving their valuable suggestions etc.. which sometimes I ignore but at times really get upset when they comment on my looks/makeup/hairstyle. I told this to my Dh that this behavior offends me, with he obviously not responding to my feelings. These days, somehow I do not like to talk to my IL's at all and I normally keep my conversation short asking them how are they and my SIL's.How is the weather out there etc.? Now my MIL keeps on asking me, 'Why aren't you talking to us? R u angry or what??" I normally change the topic. I repeatedly requested my Dh not to involve them into our family matters by giving them all the info regarding our finances, about when we wake up, or what time we have lunch etc as they reparcate differently to me. But my Dh somehow gets mesmerized to see his parents/sister's that he starts answering all the questions they ask. It looks more like a questionnaire session than a casual chat between son-parents-sisters etc...
Now yesterday, the same thing happend. My SIL asked where am I? My Dh answered that I am cooking. Immediately she started her blabbers, why so late? can't she wake up early and cook. Why do you guys eat so late? At that point of time, my Dh gets nervous as I could make out from his voice when he has no answers and keeps on repeating himself with an unreasonable answer. After all the conversation got over, I asked him politely as to why he gave all those info to his sister. But I found my Dh turning to be violent at me by physically abusing me and trying to kill me. (My neck is still hurting)He banged my head on the wall stating I feel jealous about his family and I can't tolerate them. His sister never commented that way and its me who is making a mountain of a molehill. I did get furious as well, since he tries to prove me a "liar" everytime whenever I wanted to take a "stand" or voiced out my feelings.
After all these happend, I thought of calling the cops, but had a nervous breakdown. My Dh realized this and apologized to me. He sobbed and wept holding my hands as he could not believe what he did since he went against his parent's wish to marry me. My Dh otherwise is good to me. He never stops me from doing anything. He spends on my sister's education. But I would seriously like to know what happens to him after he speaks with his folks? Why does he normally initiate a fight after a conversation with his family? What should I do? I am utterly confused now and I am unable to speak to him as well. He called me from office to inquire about my health.

 

Hi, Sabitha

No... not even a single point is exhaggerated in my post. I am getting confused day by day seeing his behavior. Regarding calling the cops, and walking out of the marriage, I am not sure how that is going to affect mine, my parents and my sister's life. Is he really going to change with that kind of a move or is he going to be more adamant and taking his family's side? As I said, he is otherwise very good to me. Our marriage has absolutely no issues without his family members. If I discuss about a session with counsellors, he refuses.

 

Dear Malyatha

Here again you are assuming the situation incorrectly when you say I gave a "bad name" to my MIL in our community."

The behavior that I witnessed, which can be termed as "incest" (which I came to know after I spoke with a psychologist), I would not say that it was a sort of a seduction to one's own son, rather it would have been a way to show that she still has a control/right over her son more than I do. She often pretends things that way and passes comment infront of me such as "he is my son, I know what he likes, how much can he eat etc..." She would not even allow me to wash my Dh's clothes or touch them.

Now coming to giving a bad name to my MIL in the community!!! First of all, we both belong to different states, so our communities are not the same. There are only a few of their relatives who I know, and pretty obviously I would not go and discuss these things with them.
I haven't even discussed this issue with my parents, so forget about discussing this with someone belonging to my community.

The first person I discussed all these was "my Dh" and that too not by blaming him or my MIL. I asked him if this is the usual behavior in their family. He did not respond to me, so I never bothered him much on this. Thats when I spoke with a psychologist's to check if I was over reacting on this situation , I got to know the apt terminology. So, yeah you can say that the only community that I discussed all these is here, in Indusladies that too clarify my doubt if this is usual in other families as well or if I am over reacting.

So, I am pretty sure that his change of behavior is not based on this matter. The only thing that their entire family wants from me is to take their verbal abuse calmly and behave as they want. I thought my Dh was different from them, but after all its the same blood running in his nerves too. Atleast this is what I am thinking now!!!