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PILS interference in naming our child

Discussion in 'Relationship With In-Laws' started by Mihika, Apr 20, 2009.

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  1. Apr 21, 2009 #11
    LakshmiKS

    LakshmiKS New IL'ite

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    hi Mihika,
    I think Ansuya has said it all. Do not waste your energy and health on these selfish people, instead stand up for what you want. People treat you the way you allow them to. Do not sweep your desires and feelings under the carpet and let them walk over it. Voice your opinion and bring in the change !
    all the best to you :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
    LakshmiKS, Apr 21, 2009
    LakshmiKS, Apr 21, 2009
    #11
  2. Apr 21, 2009 #12
    Mihika

    Mihika New IL'ite

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    Dear Friends
    I am truly overwhelmed by the quick responses... As I said before, the environment at home is such that I do not have any support. I feel that I might be delivering anytime now and this is certainly not the time to take any stress.

    I really appreciate the fact that all of you think that I am right here. That is what I wanted to know... My hubby's and PIL's attitude is such that I am totally at fault. I agree that my ILs atttude is petty and spiteful but they can be petty and spiteful people. My hubby loves me a lot but he is not strong enough to stand against his parents & hopes that I will be the mature person. I am married since past 8 years and I have accepted this weakness.My weakness is that I love him too much and cannot see him stressed out. I am not a very aggressive person by nature, in fact I have learnt to be more assertive nowadays only because of my ILs.

    I thank you all wholeheartedly for your wise counsel but at this time my child is most important to me... I have registered my protest against their actions and will not participate in naming my child to show my hurt. I cannot do anything more than this. In life we have to compromise, I would rather have a healthy and happy child rather than a sick one who has the name that I wanted.

    I thank you all once again for your advise. Please pray for me..

    Regards

    Mihika
     
    Mihika, Apr 21, 2009
    Mihika, Apr 21, 2009
    #12
  3. Apr 21, 2009 #13
    crossiants

    crossiants Senior IL'ite

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    mihika dear,
    our prayers are all with u,dont worry everything will be fine,dont take tensions.if u dont mind can i ask u one personal question if u wish u can answer or else its okay,do u know the sex of your child?its your wish to answer otr ignore it.thanks and all the best.
     
    crossiants, Apr 21, 2009
    crossiants, Apr 21, 2009
    #13
  4. Apr 21, 2009 #14
    happywoman

    happywoman Silver IL'ite

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    Hi Mihika,

    You have already got many good responses. In the first instance, you should not have disclosed to your in-laws about the gender of the baby and the names chosen. Anyways, now that you have done, you should go ahead and stick to it. You have validated your opinion saying for your first child they chose from your hubby's side and now its your chance...fair enough!
    Just relax and dont stress yourself. First have a safe delivery, a cutie baby and then im sure God will show you a way out !!
    All the best
    vani.
     
    happywoman, Apr 21, 2009
    happywoman, Apr 21, 2009
    #14
  5. Apr 21, 2009 #15
    harinisripada

    harinisripada Gold IL'ite

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    Usually in most families (in my circle!) I have seen that the first child is named for someone on the father's side and the second child is definitely named after someone in mother's side (My 1 brother is named after my paternal grandpa, the other after my maternal grandpa!!)

    Since this is your second child, from my pov, you have the right... Just convince your PILs that your first child is named after their side (somehow relate the name to someone's name their side!)
     
    harinisripada, Apr 21, 2009
    harinisripada, Apr 21, 2009
    #15
  6. Apr 21, 2009 #16
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Our best wishes are definitely with you.


    Don't give up too easily. The name will live for ever, and no one will rememer your hurt or silent protest or sacrifice or compromise. If the methods already suggested here don't work for you, try some less ethical ones - like tears or emotion just after the birth of the baby, or whenever the name is decided in your place/hospital. This is not the best or bravest method, but the thing at stake here is so permanent and so not changeable. All's fair in love and war and child-naming. :) Other ladies, please don't attack me for this underhanded suggestion. :hide:

    This is not compromise, this is simple idiotic, petty and crazy behavior on their part. Grrr. Lot of hugs to you. Your children, my dear, are really lucky to have you for a mother. And I mean that very seriously. Some women, including me would not be so easily able to come to terms with this.

    Rihana
     
    Rihana, Apr 21, 2009
    Rihana, Apr 21, 2009
    #16
  7. Apr 21, 2009 #17
    Mihika

    Mihika New IL'ite

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    Hi friends
    hehee All these underhanded approaches are very tempting I must say but unfortunately I am a straightforward person and not a good actress so i dunno if I can do it. During my first delivery i was so anxious about the whole naming issue and other problems created by PILS that I experienced a low milk supply and I am keen that history should not repeat itself. Now that I look at my beautiful cute daughter I feel that whatever her name I love and cherish her just as well.
    I know that my PILs dont care bout my feelings at all but I will surely never let my hubby forget all his life haha.. anyway as my mom explained to me once the baby is out I will surely forget all this unpleasantness. If I dont control my feelings now, then my child will surely suffer.
    I am glad to get so much support. I am feeling much better now & will try to again fight for naming my baby once he is born but even if I am over ruled I have decided that I am not going to be depressed and accept and love my baby's name.
    For the lady who asked... My baby is a boy so i guess that is also a reason why this naming issue is sooo imp for the old folks.
    During my first baby's time the name actually came from my MIL's side not my FIL so that does not count. Also she is a girl not a 'boy'... My PILs are extremly excited about having a male grandchild this time and have already started all this nonsense about continuing the family line and all that ...
    Regards
    Mihika
     
    Mihika, Apr 21, 2009
    Mihika, Apr 21, 2009
    #17
  8. Apr 21, 2009 #18
    arthidiva

    arthidiva Silver IL'ite

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    Hey Mihika,

    though you are such a goody DIL giving up for her in-laws, why dont you atleast think of calling your baby boy by the name your chose for him as his nick name. Hidden reason - Usually nick names become very popular than the official name you know.

    In my case, I named my kid, my DH agreed to my choice and it was only an info to all the others. But in my parents case, my dad selected a name for me after a lot of research, but my dad's mom said that I have to be named so and so.. finally that so and so name became my official name and the one that my dad selected is my nick name (I love it).. guess what I am known by my nick name 95% of the time.. the other name remains just a name on papers :)

    so in your case, what will happen is your in-laws and even their relatives may call you baby boy in the name that your MIL chooses, but you, your DH, baby's big sis, your family will call him by the name you chose for him.. this does no harm to anyone right? you dont even have to declare it to anyone officially now.. you can start calling him by your favourite name.. if anyone in your in-laws side ask whats the baby's name, you say loudly the name that your MIL chose so she is happy that you are giving that name some recognition.. but when you address the baby directly, call by your name boldly.. whats wrong in it.. it is like calling 'kannu, pattu, kutti..' Pllllssss dont give up so easily my deary.... what you say??

    Hugs to you and your LOs Inside and Out! Have a short labor and enjoy all the precious time with the LOs.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2009
    arthidiva, Apr 21, 2009
    arthidiva, Apr 21, 2009
    #18
  9. Apr 21, 2009 #19
    sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

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    Dear Mihika,
    I pray for a safe and quick delivery for you and a happy and healthy baby to be born!

    As you say, this isnt the time to argue with people over the name. You are angry and upset for not naming the baby acc. to your wish... but, there is one final way out... may be you can change his name a few years down the line...I know that this isnt a very good suggestion, but still. There is this way out. Dont think too much about it now and spoil your health. Just understand that there is God above... an who knows, may be your husband would specify the name of your choice itself when they ask him after the baby is born...
    Sandhya
     
    sandu, Apr 21, 2009
    sandu, Apr 21, 2009
    #19
  10. Apr 21, 2009 #20
    reshsabu

    reshsabu Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Mihika,

    Right now just relax and dont stress yourself too much because of this or anything else.

    Wish you a safe & easy delivery and a healthy baby.
    Hopefully your PILs will go back sooner than they planned.:thumbsup
     
    reshsabu, Apr 21, 2009
    reshsabu, Apr 21, 2009
    #20
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