To have a second child or not...

Hi Mythili,

I came across this post today when I was browsing ..... and I'd like you to know that I vote for a second child too....

I am an only child and my parents have always been my best friends. Luckily I am a friendly person by nature and have made many good friends over the years, who are probably closer to me than a sibling could ever be.

Tho' in my teens I did go through a patch (probably during the-growing-up-years) when I missed having a sibling very much. But then I got busy with life and didn't feel so bad.

Now after many years, I feel the need for a sibling again. I'm older now and so are my parents. I won't say they are "senile", thats putting it very strongly, but like all old people they do wierd things at times which totally gets on my nerves, and I have no one to share it with. Its not something I want to share with my husband or friends.

Also all the fun childhood memories I have or my parents and my-growing -up years are mine alone. When they are no more I will have no one to talk and laugh with about those days. When I think along those lines, I feel very alone.

I have a wonderful husband (he's the youngest of 6, one of the reasons I married him !!!) with a largish family and I have hordes of 1st cousins (29) and we are pretty close.....but still its not the same.

Your post was dated June 2007 and we are in Oct 2008......so what did you and hubby decide to do ?

And I'm living proof that only children do survive and quite comfortably so....so not to worry if you decided to stop with one.

Whatever your decision.....all the best !

Sudha

 

Today's past paced world and we women having to live so many roles each day, bogs us down and scares us on not wanting another child coz what if we loose to be good parents with so many challenges already on hand and what if due to our lack of attention our children dont grow as we think they should.

I personally feel, the 2nd time around wouldnt be so much of a mess as the 1st time experience.. Of course with 2 kids, life will look more demanding but after a while guess things would settle down. It just requires persistance and adhering ourselves to what we wished for..

Not all siblings gel well or go hand in hand after a certain age, but still that bond would be there and more so, if you act fair to both the children and teach them good values and to never let go of each other, then i am sure we can die peacefully as we would not leave our children behind alone...

Husbands and wifes to our daughters and sons will come but, a bother, a sister relationship will last forever and that love is something immeasurebale.

enjoy!

Thanks
Mellow.

 

Dear Mythili,

Go for Second Child dear ... Life's Happiest Moment is Seeing your Kids playing Happily around you ...I have three kids and we live a very happy life ... Be Happy and May God Bless you Mythili ...

 

hello mythili,

A lot of my friends and I have been having the same discussion over the past six months... we were a group of moms with one child or planning their first child.

Of all the arguments, the one that made most sense to me is: would you (assuming you have siblings) exchange your sibling for a better education or better quality of life... can anything compensate for the times you have spent together as kids and how it made a difference to you as a child growing up?

In a sense you are right... with the way things are priced now, its tough to bring up two kids giving them all that you would like them to have. But when I look back, the support I got from my sister... the ease with which I could share my apprehensions, my fears, the first crush, my wedding jitters.... I dont think I would exchange them for anything in the world.

Another thing is that we are not always going to be around... and after we are gone, true they will have their partner and kids as family... but whom can you actually consult without the fear of being evaluated?

In all, I am quite convinced that I would not want my son to grow up alone. And now I am two months pregnant , expecting my second child this year-end.

 

Hi Mythili ,
It is very important to have a second child. Firstly the child needs a company . As they grow they need friends to talk to and share their feelings and secrets , which they cannot share with their parents always , but if they have another brother or sister they can share thoughts and feelings . Single child often turn out to be selfish , self centered and it becomes difficult to vent out their feelings . On being a single child they are pampered by their parents and become a spoilt child ( BUT OFCOURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS ) . Normally all these happens to the single child , as I have come through such children , who are the only child of their parents. So Why not move forward and plan for another one. You will gain as it is much easy to handle the second child . I am saying this as i too went through this, My husband wanted one and me , two. When i had the second child I found it is so easy to take care of her as my older one too helped me a lot . First I thought it will be difficult for me but it was not. So come on give the child a company and a true friend ..... bye pompa

 

Hello mythili,
I understand your problems on having a second child, as a friend stated, the 2nd child is mainly a company to your first child. We decided to have a 2nd child after a gap of 5 years. Now my children are 11 and 5. They are very happy and comfortable in each other's company. My first one has changed for better in the recent years. He has learned to be patient, caring ,sharing, responsible, sensible and loves and adores his brother a lot and for my 2nd one his elder brother is a hero and he just loves him more than anything on this earth.
It is a joy to see them play. I would have missed a lot,have we not made this decision.
Other problems arising out of money or time or support are certainly there,I agree,but it is just a phase and it will pass very shortly,rather we always find ways to overcome them.
I have 2 younger brothers and they love me a lot and we long to be in each other's company. we stay in 3 different worlds,but have never felt so.
Beleive me you will not regret later on having a 2nd one at any point in your life.
good luck to you!!!!

 

hello to speak about having a second child it is all ur mind set , if u observe ur child not sharing with friends , is loving lonliness, wants most of ur attention every time then he needs a companion .In the present situation bring up a single child we feel is difficult but then we all i e parents and the first child learns to share . siblings when they grow may not be in contact but I am damn sure if the other is in trouble u will have full support from the other . family bonding has to be established by parents then only u can expect it in ur child . me and mine has to be replaced by us and ours at the early stage of child hood . Its my strong opinion that one should have second child .though destiny has not given me that opportunity but I some times feel my daughter who is 11 yr old misses company . bye for now:coffee

 

hi mythili;

this is monica from the nilgirs. im married got a daughter of 9 yrs old and we are on the eagerness to have the second child.... the reasons you said are true as im in the same state... for the last three years we have been looking forward to have the second one, but due to my daughter and circumstances i am not yet conceived.

so to my knowledge i would request you to please take the decesion of having the second child and pray that it would be a girl babe. for the well of you and family. do not posponed it will be too late... bye

hoping to hear back from you....

regards..... Monica:hiya

 

hi
i would suggest for 2 nd one .i am a only dasugther for my parents,i suffered a lot by feeling lonely i didnt have any one to share my feelings.my parents didnt go for 2nd due to their financial position,but when i was around 13 yrs they stteled well ,but my mom was not in mood of having another child by tht time.

We can earn money throughout our life ,but we cant have a child at anytime of our life, many reasons can be spoted fo this reason.


i am happy of being a mom for 2 kids one is 5 yrs & other is 8 mthold.people living in abroad shld go for 2nd child .

 

hi mythili...

Looking at the pros and cons ,for having a second one..its the best solution to go ahead for a second on..

Forget about the pay check and all, trust in God...i guess you are able bodied to take care of two children...

even i undergoing the same kind of situation, i have a child of age 4 , n living at U.S presently(basically from Mysore),

but i feel its high time , i should go for one more, for i am 31 already....n

having two children strenghthens the family values...and a lifelong companionship , nurturing love for each other as siblings...i have seen most of my friend's and cousins families with two children...it's so nice to see that they get so engrossed with each other's lives so much with love and concern...for if one is feeling low, other will pacify and comfort him...

its a wonderful feeling...i think we both should go for a second one...all the best...and happy family...

I hope my words would have given u a little comfort atleast....