When your mother becomes MIL ?????

My mother was the best mIL ,i would say .She is no more.
She was very very soft.infact my brother took very much advantage of it.This was before his marriage ,though my would be SIL 's house was next road ,my brother asked my mother to prepare things for her friends on her birthday.many horrible memories how they troubled my mom and i really don't want to remember ,it hurts a lot.She was as good as god .

regards

sai

 

Hi

This is a good thread.

I already have this dilema with my mum.

She was fine with my bhabhi before but i don't know what has happened to her that she has turned against her.
My bhabhi has 2 young boys and she does not get any help from my mum so she gets help from her mother which is fine..i dont see a problem with that.
My bhabhi and bro used to live together for 5 years and then they moved and bought a bigger house so that my mum could come with her. My mum was fine with that but then she went on holiday and came back and said i want to go to my house..so my bhabhi said no u come to our house we got everythign ready so she said no...Then she made indirect comments to my bhabhi saying she has heard this and that from her family.
I suggested to my mum to speak clearly and clarify with my bhabhi what has happend an she refused and now the problem has got so big..
I stood up for my bhabhi as in certain things she is right so now my mum is not talking to me but i dotn think its right that i defend my mum even though she is wrong..my bhbahi is someone elses daughter too and if she has no support then where will she go.
i sat down and told my mum that what u are doing is wroing u need to sort out the issues u hve with her or what u have heard but she says no she dont like her or her mum..so i said these things are not right as she is ur dil and her mum will remain her mum no matter what u think..
so many issues have happened which i am sad to say that my mum has caused herself and now she is living alone which is no ones fault but hers but she does not see it.
Its so sad but if someone has a ego and believes what they are doing is right then u cant help them unless they see sense themseleves.
I will carry on supporting my bhabhi but its sad that my mum is not happy that we get on rather then trying to cause a problem

 

Hi Siriveda and N@!SR!

Thank you for your nice words and thoughts.
Yes it has been quite hard to explain to my own mother where she has gone wrong but she dosent want to acknowledge her mistakes.
Its so sad to see lady how has a son and dil who are willing to look after her in this day and age, who are financially stable too but she has kicked her own destiny herself.
She had vertigo last week and choose to call the neighbours to get her shopping n medicine rather then calling her own kids and this is all down to ego...still today i went to see her.
Thing is that mum is not willing to listen to justification of my bhabhi she just goes on about her own records and its so hard not to loose ur temper when she dosent understand.
i will keep on trying but it like i am stuck in the middle.
i just hope that one day she realises before its to late.
im not proud of going against my mother but i cant side someone if they are not right no matter who they are and sadly this time its my own mum.

let hope for the best.

xx

 

Sonu1..
Kudos to you for you open objectiveness regarding your position on th e MIL issues. Your family is Blessed to have you..
Cheers:thumbsup

 

LOL, my mother's argument is the EXACT opposite. She thinks that she can treat me any which way she pleases because I am her "own daughter" (as if that is an excuse to be nosey and interfering) but goes out of her way to be nice to her daughters-in-law because "they are *from* another family". I wish she'd realize that I am an ADULT now, a wife & a mother myself, and that I am equally entitled to, and expect, the same respect, privacy and consideration that she extends to her sons' wives. There are times that she drives me CRAZY by commenting on my dressing, my make-up, my hair, my parenting skills, my cooking skills, my housekeeping skills, my choice of hobbies etc etc etc, whereas she is always praising my SILs for their "alleged perfection", even though these women have their own foilbles and eccentricities.

I sat her down one day and explained to her about BOUNDARIES -- seen and unseen -- that exist between even a mother and her daughter and how she had better wisen up and acknowledge these boundaries. She seemed to understand and even agree with me... for all of a week! Then she just went right back to her old ways.

TBH, I quit sweating it with her a while ago -- I simply pop on some ear plugs and give her the coldest look from H@ll that I can muster when she starts one of her 'Mother knows best' lecture -- but I honestly do not think that she quite 'gets it'. That daughters or daughters-in-law, both need and deserve the same consideration and respect. Oh, well, you win some, you lose some. I just pick my battles with her and know exactly when to tune her out and when to take her seriously. About time too, if you ask me!

 

hi,

quite interesting. you are eagerly awaiting for the new arrival in your family. both of your mind is in a positive way, so dont worry your mother will get a good and understsanding d-in-law i think no doubt in it. if we are positive things will be positive
only.

raji