I never invite my inlaws to stay with me...

So what is the real reason that Indian parents are obsessed with sons and not daughters? And don't say it's love... because if it was love, girls and boys would be valued the same. It's greed and insecurity.

The same women who have the attitude that they will not be stopped from visiting "their son's house," do they have that attitude about their daughter's too? Why not?

I think the most distrubing aspect of Indian culture is the obsession with sons. It is really really sick. As long as Indians holds on to antiquated beliefs and their own insecurity, our culture as a whole will never make it to the 21st century.

 

So according to many of you, when your parents get old, this apply to both girls and boys, they need permission from their DIL or SIL to visit their children? What has the world come from? Where is the basis respect that we have to give to elders? Now let me just make it clear that I am nowhere close to the old age but when did we become so proud of adopting American way of living and forego our own culture?

My husband speaks to his parents on a daily basis and never stop me from calling my family or care how many times my dad or mom call me want to talk to me, neither do I when he calls India everyday? Aren't they in their old days deserve a phone call from their sons and daughters once a day???

In fact, I will never respect a man who does not want to support, respect his own parents when they no longer able to care for themselves or NEEDs his wife's permission before inviting his own parents to stay or visit. This is every's parent's right to be respected and taken care of in my opinion. According to our religion, after God is our parents and both boys and girls have the same responsiblity to look after their parents. This is just basic human right. Aren't we become so animal-like in this materialistic world?
What a shame for some of you to think that once a man married they have to forget about their own parents and need wife's permission to support his parents financially or inviting his parents to visit or stay.

Yes, my IL bother my hubby for land too but I never intervene because I do believe in respecting one another parents is one of the factor in building a strong marriage. My MIL came to US to take care of me after the birth of my daughter and my father came to stay with us once in a while to visit his grand daughter. And we never need each other 's PERMISSION inviting our parents.

 

To all those who quoted my earlier post on the topic:

You all have not taken it in the spirit it was written.

What I feel from the responses is that all of you feel that once the son is married his parents should let go of him.And so should the daughters parents, let go of their daughters, right?

So all you mothers of sons and daughters train yourselves for that while you are doing your duty of bringing up your children. Getting your children marriedwill become akin to losing them.

Sounds absolutely awful , doesn't it!!

No parents want their children to be unhappy, whether they are sons or daughters. All that they are looking for is that they should not be shut out of the lives of their children.

But ofcourse , to each his own.

Remember , perspectives change with age.

When we are young we sympathise with Romeo and Juliet. Oh, poor Romeo and poor Juliet.

And once one is grown up in the 50s or 60s, one feels 'Oh! the poor parents' what they must have gone through .
So the same situation is viewed differently at different stages of life.

 

hello Mrs.V

wonderful explanation. i like each and every word of yours. keep it up. humanbeing expect only love and affection. is it ok?

raji.

 

Laks09,

This is referring to the part in your post addressed to me.

Please read Renu1999's letter to understand why it seemed that parents should not come to son's house, ever. If that does not amount to losing one's child then what is? Emotional deprivation is as bad as physical deprivation.

Just need to see the parents who are deprived of contact with their child to understand this.

You may then appreciate the post. No , I have no rift with anyone.

But yes, negative posts do put me off. Life is much more pleasant if rifts are not there.

 

hello my dear,

reading your complaints about yourinlaws. how many days they will be with you in USA for some months...be friendly with them. talk with them.....so that your husband also will be happy about yourbehaviour. and for elders also, they should not interfere in all matters. if they give suggestions please dont take it serious dear. take it sportive. finally you both will decide what to do.....isn't it? actually what problem you are having. dear, in future you will also carry the post of mother in law or mother . if you have kids, they will watch your activities without yourknowledge. our life is just like a ball.i think so. so please donot think i am blaming and supporting your inlaws.dont you find any small good character with yourinlaws......express it.....time will come to all and everyone will realise everything.

regards

 

Asking for your spouses permission before inviting your parents over is just the decent thing to do. Having the attitude of "I will do whatever I want" sends the message that you do not value your spouses feelings or opinions. If you wanted to continue making decisions in life all by yourself without ever seeking input from another person, well then you should have stayed single!

So valueing your spouses input is now only an American thing? Well I think it's a good thing, so why can't we adopt it too? Would you buy a house without talking to your spouse first? Would you pick a school for your kids to go to without discussing with your husband? So then why is it ok to invite parents over without first asking the other person???

Since you seem to be so proud of Indian culture only, are you proud of the fact that there are only 93 women per every 100 men in India? Meaning because of this son obsession, people are aborting 7% of pregnancies where the child is female. There are 50 million missing women in India. So before you think that India has the monopoly on culture and ethics, think again.

Sorry Renu that I've derailed your thread. I don't have anything to add past this point, other than you shouldn't feel bad because lots of other women out there avoid inlaws visits too. Take care.