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How to make my DH realise that I am hurting inside?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by java, Jan 12, 2008.

  1. Reyna

    Reyna New IL'ite

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    Java,

    Please call Saheli in Austin. Their helpline number is 512 -703-8745 and leave a message with a safe number (a number where it tis safe to call you) . Someone will call you back.
     
  2. meo

    meo New IL'ite

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    dear jAVA,

    I feel sorry to hear your story. Its quite unique case. You have evrything that makes you independent..Still you are under CONTROL. I think it has become a HABIT for your H to abuse you n you to tolerate it. give a BREAK to this..His problem seems to be occured from childhood itself.How was his parents relationship..Most painful part is that he is not concerned about ur son watching all this .Should do something...Stop being passive...
    I'm telling this because my H is also a similar kind.But not an abusive one. Open talk in the initial stage itself stoped it from being abusive. And I m always trying to portay an image of a bold person...

    take him for a counseling ...and try to get help and support of people.As you have said this man has cut down all your support hands...He has no right to do it...

    Do something for the sake of your son......

    Praying for a positive change...
     
  3. lovinglife

    lovinglife New IL'ite

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    Hey Java,

    Are you truly in Austin, TX? Why have you not called SAHELI yet? You had posted all of this several months ago and you are going through the same cycle again! Why do you expect things to change with him?

    He will be who he is.

    You are not happy since 8 years!!

    Your son is seeing that his dad is abusive to his mother and he will soon begin to believe that it's OK for men to treat women that way!

    What parts of these above things are you not seeing??

    You are a smart woman who has a well paid job and has received kudos for your work. Why the hell does it matter to you, what this asshole thinks about you? For God's sake, he has HIT YOU.....read it again....he has HIT YOU in front of his own son. Does this not mean anything to you and your pride and your basic sanity?

    You are living with an abuser and this will only get worse. Do you think life is worth living this way? NO!! You get one chance at life and you don't give it up this way.

    If you want things to be written down for you, here they are:

    1. Call Saheli and go meet with them to see what options will work for you and your son to leave him...SAFELY. You should be thinking about your safety at this time. Not your green card, not what your jerk of a husband thinks, etc....Your's and your son's Safety!!

    2. With the help from Saheli and borrow some money from your friends, get yourself a lawyer.

    3. DO NOT TELL your husband any of this.

    4. Find out what the laws are according to your state, about taking a minor child out of state, because you will be leaving your husband and the house and the state if need be.

    5. Once you find an attorney that knows his/her job well and knows how to work with women in abusive situations, ask him to file papers in the court, asking the court permission to take a minor out of state. Your husband needs to know none of this.

    6. The minute the papers are filed in the court, run like hell, to India or your relative or a close friend living here in the US, as far as possible, from your husband. I would say, go to India.

    You can always find a job in India or you can always get back to the US once you know what direction your life is going.

    Your life is precious and he is slowly killing you and your self esteem and your love for life. If not for yourself, do it for your son. You don't have to stay with him, in that house and try to regain your self esteem....you are proving **** to anyone. You don't have to prove anything to anyone, but yourself!

    Leave him and do it now, before you go crazy. Good Luck!!
     
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    LovingLife,

    The thread is an old one from Jan 2008, got bumped up due to a new recent response, hence the feeling of same problem being posted again, but your point by point reply is so useful to anyone in a similar situation anywhere.
     
  5. Drpreethis

    Drpreethis Gold IL'ite

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    Ladies,

    Please go through the date of the first and last post. Also check wether the original poster had got back ' thanking ' ladies for help which means.. I am doing something about it before replying to the post. Also, the user has last loggd in in july 2008..

    Your valuable advice and time can be given to someone who posted their trouble recently rather than a year back...

    We at IL do not want to miss anybody's advice ! :) Maybe she is happy now.. Will wait till she updates us.. Let us move on however..
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2009

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