H4 Wife - Things to do?

Re: In the same boat too...but not for long

Hello Everyone!!

I landed here 15days back only...15 days passed just in settling my home..now was searching something to do and i m getting a good help in making my way ahead from all of ur suggestions..
Thanks for all the ideas...
Though i have a query that if any one know abt any volunter requirement in Chicago..please let me know...
I want to start my MBA from spring quarter..so want to utilise my 3 months...
If anybody has any idea ..please let me know..
Thanks & Regards,
Khushbu

 

Re: Study?

Hi Indira,

I am exactly in the same boat. I am applying for a master( though I already hold one) yes the tuition fees is scary esp since there's hardly any funds/aids for masters programme.
But I guess I am going ahead and applying and rest lets see..

 

Interesting thread.
Unfortunately I have always been a full time working women ever since I graduated. I and my husband came to US through work and I always long for a break. Inspite of home, kids and work, I love fine arts and try to make time for it.
I am into knitting, crochet, a big way. Though I didnt do full projects, I also try my hands on quilting. Jewellery making is another fantastic art that I have seen many do here.
Jooans, Michelles, and other local quilt, sewing classes are conducted all the time for a nominal fee. Thats good enough to start if you have never done it before, and after that we have our google. Many sites now have fantastic vedios on patterns and designs.
When my mom visited US she was fascinated how easy was it for her to get new patterns and designs. She was bored of simple patters she did in India and she now learnt how to browse for desings, read and understand them and makes atleast 3-4 sweaters, scarfs, gloves, throws for me and my kids. (saves me so much of warm clothes truely) and its fun too.......
I gift small throws to my frinds on their new baby arrivals and they lov it.

Also, my friend in MI makes cakes for birthday parties. She learnt baking from scratch after coming here and she does a fantastic work. She also makes eggless cake which is high demand in many indian families. She also has some offer from some stores to supply cookies ...She came here as an Engineer, planned to do MBA, but is now happy and enjoying her stay at home + work as a baker!

Wanted to share this idea, if there are ladies out there who lov art work!

 

Hey Gals,

I also sail in the same boat.. Was Working @ Chennai, Now Home-maker @ H4 @ US.. I would like to share with you some useful things you could do on h4..

Here are a list of things you can do:

1. You can start creating a website/blog for free.. Its very easy.. You can go to the website weebly and do it.. If you are skilled at cooking, you can very well list your recipes in your site.. This way even if you forget some recipe, you can go to your site and chk the procedure to make it and you can share it with your friends.. You can also include all home making tips you read in books, hear about and put it in your website.. This will be useful in a long run..I run my own website on home management.. (You can find it in personal interest blogs of indusladies)..

2. Be into the breezes.. Go for a long walk..

3. Keep yourself Fit.. Know what you are eating.. Keep a food diary and count your calories.. Make sure you use less amount of oil, salt, sugar in your diet.. Replace the table spoons in all the jars with tea spoons..

4. It doesnt mean that you got to wear old clothes and look untidy with uncombed hair, if you are at home.. Never mind even if you are at home, dress up like a queen.. Dont miss to wear a deo or perfume.. A home-maker should look pleasant and smell good..

5. Home management is a great project.. It requires smartness and hard work to excel.. Do your work perfectly.. Assign time schedules for every activity you do and do it on time..Keep your home in such a way that its ready to welcome a guest any time.. Ofcourse, this is also a job.. Dont sulk.. There are so many women who crave to be at home but due to monetary reasons they are forced to work.. So you should feel lucky for what you are..

7. Everyone needs an off/leave.. Even we cant work 7 days a week.. So take a break from the regular house-hold chores for one or two days.. I take an off on saturday.. I dont cook on saturdays rather we manage to eat some ready to eat stuff (podi with rice) or go out to a restaurant..

8. Ofcourse, keep yourself updated.. You should know whatz happening around.. Make it a point to read the news everyday.. It should be a part of your task..

9. Improve your vocabulary.. There are lots of website out in the net which offer you to learn new english words and take up sat practice tests.

10. You can also learn a new language.. Like you can learn spanish or any language you wanted to.. Livemocha is a wonderful website which offers online classes for free.

11. Make it a habit to read a book.. Reading increases your knowledge and its a good pass time too.. Join your nearby library and make use of your time efficiently..

Girls, we should be happy that we have got a chance to be at home.. Even Home-making is a great job if you make use of your time wisely and do your daily jobs on time.. Though, we dont make money, we have the time to do lots of stuff which working women cant afford to do..

Akila

 

Hi All,

Im also in the same boat.....I absolutely agree with akila......just keep yourself busy.....that is the only thing we can do......

BUT BUT recently I found something interesting which wont make us RICH BUT BUT can fetch us some pocket money.....beleive me it is absolutely free....... It is a free survey site where if we complete the surveys, we get paid. The company will send u the check for the amount you made in a particular month.... BELIEVE ME IT IS NOT FAKE or SPAM....I swear...I'm getting the check from couple of months.....Initially I thought who wd pay for free and just did just $20 dollar which is the minimum payout to see if it is true or fake....then later I got the check and im making good money out of it......If you wanna give a try, just click the above link and register....lemme know if you need any help.....Good Luck....start earning......

Get Paid to Complete Offers at CashCrate.com!

 

HI All,

I agree wat akila said....I follow them regularly and keep myself busy....and also I have found something new now a days for my pocket money.......it is called http://cashcrate.com/830168 It is a free survey site where you have to complete the offers which are free....try this guys it is great pass time.....PM me if you have any questions......

 

Wow Akila...
Thats a fantastic set of information. I hope thats useful to many women like me, on the H4. It was motivating too. I am here in US for past 20 months.. and yes.. have a 11 month old boy.. who keeps me busy thru the day. Apart from that, I have also involved myself in online activites. Earlier there were many days when I had the dull thoughts in mind, being at home. Now I have turned things right.. and hence feel happy.
Congrats.. for ur wonderful post. :cheers

 

Dear All,

I am so happy to be on this website. Everyone here is so helpful and nice. None of us know each other personally but everyone communicates very nicely with each other. So happy to be part of this community..Thank you all..!!

I am in USA for almost a year now. Got married n came on H4. Ours was an arrange marriage and since we didnot get time to spend before the wedding we decided to spend some time after. So it was nice relaxing year with hubby and boring at times. But I really enjoyed that period.

Now, the problem I am currently facing is " Taunts & Advices " from everyone I talk to or meet personally. Especially from one time good frds. They either make fun of me for marrying H1-B holder or taunt me for not doing anything productive in Life.

I initially took them as advises as they are my well-wishers. But I am so sick of it now that I get irritated as soon as some one starts talking about that. Recently, I was busy preparing a dinner for few of my hubby's frds and my frd called up and I said "I was busy".To this reply was What do you do that you are busy ? You dont work , you dont have kids, you dont study ? so how can you be busy? N I was so angry.

When I was in India I was a pampared kid and did not have to do household work or cooking and now I have learnt decent cooking in a year.I manage and shop for everything in the house and it is not a easy task. Especially with one salary in US. And thing is everyone looks down upon me. They all think that I am unoccupied always. There have been occasions where I just dont want to step out of the house bcoz of everyone's attitude towards me. I have stopped calling my friends back home. My hubby is ok with whatever I do.But seems like other people have lot of problem with that.

With all this things happening to me I feel very depressed here.Also, bcoz I was one of the most brilliant student in my school and college days and was planning to come to USA for further studies and got married instead. My frds who were not very good are now making money here or in India and are graduated from foreign universties.I feel inferior to them and everyone ard me.

I feel so much better after sharing it here.

Thanks for reading,
Ish84

 

Hi Isha84,
Congrats on your marriage.. Even if it is 1 year you are still newly wed!!! My husband is on h1 visa too.. and let me tell you.. people get sometimes frustrated and doesn't know what to do.. and they themselves don't understand what they say i guess.. No one knows how life is like once they start.. Speaking or giving advice or even sarcastic comments are always easy... Ok let me come to the point. Back in india before coming here i was working in a multinational company.. and i was staying as a paying guest in one of our very distant relative.. It was in one way a blessing because they were very good people and i felt like home.. But the moment my marriage got fixed they gave me all sorts of comments like.. "Oh my god.. there would be no maid in the house.. you have to all your work on your own... There wouldn't be anyone to talk to... and a lots and lots of such things..." literally i never knew if they were cursing me or warning me!!! Don't ever bother to think about any one.. you know you are married to your husband.. A loving man who holds and H1B.. and it was your decision to marry him.. So people who say like that are not your true friends... they are just showing their true colors.. From my opinion and understanding.. i would just say they are "J"!!! if they had a genuine relationship with you then they would encourage you and help you overcome the loneliness of an h4 status!!!
Here you are alone and there is no one to pamper you.. this is how you learn many things.. you might make mistakes at one point.. but you would definitely learn from it. It is not proud to say am a spend thrift.. Your parents and your husband would be proud if they have to tell some one how you manage your expenses... As you said .. you can learn that only if you are left alone..

Your H4 Visa permits you to study.. Discuss with your husband and plan to join in the college and start studying.. Then people will stop advicing you.. you are doing something within your capability and not sitting idle...

So dont be sad.. and feel inferior... be happy that you are on H4.. though it is a little difficult.. Make friends here in IL.. and around your place.. visit many places.. Have fun with your husband...

 

Ish84

I second the kind and encouraging words Cutepavi has for you. It is amazing to me how some Indians, under the guise of "caring", do more harm to our peace of mind and self-image than anything else! I'm inclined to agree with Cutepavi here and say that you might consider it is jealousy more than caring that might be motivating some of the more unkind comments you are hearing.

Like Cutepavi, I am here on an H4 visa because my husband had an opportunity to train and work in the US. I knew I was taking a major step when I left home, family, and my job behind, but I tried to make the move with a positive frame of mind. So, I know what you are going through, and let me tell you, there's every chance that not only will things improve immensely for you, I have a strong feeling you will look back on these years and realise they were some of the BEST of your life.

Think about it: you're young, recently married, and living in a brand new, exciting country that has much to offer even if you don't have much money, or a job, or a close circle of family and friends. There are some great ideas on this thread about what H4 wives can do, and I encourage you to look back on all the entries to find practical advice and encouragement. This is a link to a post I made on this thread about six months ago, which discusses some of these issues, as do the posts after this one:

http://www.indusladies.com/forums/h4-indian-ladies/151-h4-wife-things-to-do-8.html#post395241

Volunteering is a wonderful endeavour that enjoys much popularity here, and it's something I've been doing for more than a year which I've enjoyed immensely. If you want to study, then study. But DON'T do anything because you are feeling pressure from others. No one can make decisions for you because they do not have to live your life. You are the best judge of what you need in your own life.

As you so rightly point out, there's a lot to be done around the house that requires time and effort, and since you are home to take care of it all, you are definitely making a huge contribution to the success and happiness of your marriage. Your husband is free to concentrate on his job while you handle the home management end of things.

The important thing to remember in all of this is, ONLY YOU know what you are doing with your time, and how beneficial it is to your household, your husband, your community, etc. You don't owe anyone any explanations, and you certainly don't have to put up with taunts or people telling you you're not doing anything productive. Who are they to make such judgements about you? What rights and qualifications do they have to declare whether your life is worthwhile or not?

I'm not sure how close these people are to you (friends? relatives? close family? acquaintances?) but it sounds to me like you're better off without them in your life, or at least without their thoughtless and unwelcome comments. If you cannot avoid all contact with these louts, I strongly recommend that you firmly but politely tell them to butt out. Every time the conversation turns to their "well-meaning" but ridiculous advice, you can ask them any number of off-putting questions or throw them off with a sassy comment.

It sounds to me like you are a little meek and accepting when it comes to putting these obnoxious people in their place. My definition of "friendship" doesn't include my so-called friend telling me that I can't possibly be busy when I've just told her I am. You had every right to be angry in that situation and I'm surprised you didn't blast that person for taking such liberties with you. I would have. If that's not your personality, like I said, just cut out or keep to a minimum the contact you have with all these people who are deliberately destroying your self-esteem. You don't need that in your life.

The people who are looking down on you are doing so because they are narrow-minded, they don't know what they're talking about, and they're possibly insecure and jealous too and feel a need to ruin your happiness. Don't let them make you doubt yourself or your abilities. A lot of what I've learned, in school and from life, I've had to apply to living well here in the US. I'm sure you are doing the same. No education or job experience is wasted, and we do not always have to be frantically running on the treadmill of studies/work/success to constantly prove our worth.

So, if you can, put these negative people and their useless comments out of mind. The offering of unsolicited, unwanted, and often quite baseless advice is an Indian trend (in my opinion, based on my experience of Indians in three countries) that is particularly annoying. What is most offensive to me is the sheep-like mentality that drives the expectation that we MUST ALL do the same thing. So, if someone else has taken a certain path in their life (studies, marriage, work, etc.), they feel they have to foist that same path on everyone else. It's the most ridiculous notion ever, since we are all so different (personality, upbringing, background, etc.) even if we are all Indian.

You have to develop the courage (or fake the courage!) to make your own way in the world, based on what is good for you and your husband. Just because someone is giving you advice, doesn't mean you have to take it. In fact, you don't even have to listen to it if it is upsetting you. I am always prepared to listen to someone who knows what they are talking about (that is, they have real, practical, intelligent advice), and someone who has my best interests at heart (that is, they are not motivated by jealousy, bitterness, or arrogance in advising me). Everyone else can think whatever they want, but I don't feel I need to necessarily listen to the nonsense coming out of their mouths.

I wish you all the best in getting your confidence and strength back. You don't need the doom and gloom mongers!