1. How to Build Positivity in Married Life? : Click Here
    Dismiss Notice

How can I make him get up early?

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by sandu, Jan 14, 2009.

  1. rjhari

    rjhari New IL'ite

    Messages:
    75
    Likes Received:
    0
    Trophy Points:
    6
    Gender:
    Female
    My DH was late riser . I used wake up by 6 and get everything done by 7.30, login to chat with his parents :rotfl, and keep telling DH every line my FIL used to write. Atleast to show his face to webcam, he used wake up. Now DH goes around tell everyone that, he got spoiled after marriage .
    Another tip I tried was, If he wakes up early all the week, One day in weekend, he can choose his wake up time.

    After I started working, he started waking up on his own without being tricked.
     
  2. jasminerule

    jasminerule Junior IL'ite

    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    5
    Trophy Points:
    13
    Gender:
    Female
    hahhaha. Are you talking about my husband? The difference is my husband sleeps until 10:30AM every morning, yes, he does have a luxury of going to work any time he wants to and still get paid. Why would you want to change your husband? :rotflI just let him sleep, even though I do tell him all the time that you should get up early in the morning but I do not nag him or force him too.

    My hubby works so hard for this family to have a luxurious lifestyle he should be able to sleep as much as he wants to. Good luck with your husband.......:)
     
  3. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    491
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Thanks ladies for all ur replies.

    As some of u said, my husband also wants me to sleep when he sleeps. But as soon as DD wakes up, he wants us both out! (Anyway i cant afford to sleep once she gets up!)

    He doesnt get up when i make a noise. He HEARS them, but continues sleeping n tells me later that our neighbors r very patient with all the noise i make. I've tried cooking delicious items n making several trips to the bed in an attempt to wake him, made DD trouble him by rolling over! LOL He just doesnt get up!

    Coupled with it, he is also very lazy n doesnt do any household help. I dont expect him to get up n cook in the morning. He can at least be around minding the kid; he can be around at night when i do dinner n clean up... Instead of being in front of the idiot box. He just doesnt want to do anything at home! (When i was working, sometimes he used to help, but then too, i did the majority of the work. And he used to get up AFTER i cooked, ate n left for office!)

    All I want him to do is wake up at a decent time (say at 7:30) n GET GOING. All his officemates come in before him; it is he who enters late n leaves late. And all our neighbours n friends also are early. I m somewhat put at ease now by seeing so many reactions that ur husbands do also the same thing. He skips breakfast as he doesnt have time to eat. And drinks coffee at office instead. sometimes, he eats in a hurry. This, as a long term habit, isnt healthy, isnt it?

    SoaringSpirit, thanks in particular for ur words of advice. Somehow, I just dont like the idea of him getting up so late... I keep telling him he'll find it difficult when we return to India for good. For him, its either TV or sleep! Sometimes we go out together but the day is really short when we both have different sleep patterns, isnt it? I get up at around 7 and go to bed with him at around 10. I find he is missing out on so much in life by waking up late. But he doesnt bother! Its quite difficult to make him realise it. When i tell him abt the pranks of our kid in the morning, his reply is "so you enjoyed the time. Good!" And yes, when his father comes online, i chat with him n then wake him up to tell him his father is online; but DH just asks me to ask them come later! Tough nut! And he isnt a foodie either; he doesnt care if there isnt something to eat... he can go without eating!!! All he likes to do is - watch TV, chat with his ppl, go to work and go out on weekends.

    Can you tell me what such a person would find interesting at home?? That is, apart from food, office work n a screaming kid. What would make him get up?? I'm still uneasy abt forgetting the impact on health... if left now, it wud be harder to change, won t it?

    Thanks again!

    Sandhya
     
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2009
  4. Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

    Messages:
    12,481
    Likes Received:
    30,224
    Trophy Points:
    540
    Gender:
    Female
    Let him sleep????

    Do you work outside the home? In that case, you may want to sit down when everyone is calm, like after a nice brunch on a Saturday, and tell DH what you'd like him to help out with. A nice list of honey-I-need-you-to-do-this, only you can do it... etc etc. An even better idea for a captive audience is when going on a long drive. Not to the grocery store or Target, that ends quickly... in that case, you would have brought up the topic without it reaching a reasonable conclusion.... 1 attempt wasted.

    If you do not work outside the home, then, it might be a little difficult to get him to help you with day to day stuff. As some men sometimes assume that SAHMs have 'nothing much' to do all day and all day to accomplish that 'nothing much' in. You may want to yourself make a list of which stuff you'd like his help with. Like, taking care of kid when you are cooking? Taking her out so you can get a break at home? You going out while he stays with her at home might not help much... Atleast for me, the best breaks/vacations are when I am home, alone.

    So I would suggest making a reasonable list of what you'd like his help with. And then figuring out how he can help with those without too much of rearranging the day on his part. Some of us, atleast me, are not satisfied unless DH helps by making drastic changes to his lifestyle. That is a tempting and temporarily satisfying, but not feasible approach. If he wants to sleep in late in the mornings, and you need to cook at that time, ... how about you work around this ? Cook later in the day, or even better, cook in the night after your little one sleeps. I chop veges and marinate stuff in the late afternoon. After dinner, when kids are sleeping, it takes me 30-45 min to be done. yes, it is not fresh the next day, but still. What I am trying to say, think a little, and try to come up with ways in which DH can help without much lifestyle-change on his part.

    Couple more points, you may not like to hear this, but anyway: Have you tried making a list of what DH does around the house? Lot of small things might go unnoticed. For example: who pays the bills (online or by mail), car maintenance oil change etc, research how to invest $, vacuuming, who drives when you go out or on vacations, who plans vacations (not to India, that is not a vacation!).. There may already be a lot he is doing that is not very obvious. The other point was, he is a grownup, an adult. Treat him like one. If he doesn't want to wake up early, let it be. Waking, exercising, when to sleep, how much TV to watch, to login to work from home or not... are best left to individuals' choices. Husbands need to be treated like husbands, not kids. Wives need to be wives, not pseudo-mothers. What I saying is, within reasonable limits, spouses should let spouses do whatever they want...

    I and my DH practically live in different timezones most of the day and week.. There are times when it feels like we are more like roommates than husband and wife. All the above is heavily influenced by hindsight. When my first kid was a toddler, we had many a bitter argument on who wakes up when and who watches how much TV... When the second one came around, I was wiser... got a cook even though I was SAHM, let the house be messy...as long as we were arguing less and generally happy.
     
  5. sandu

    sandu Bronze IL'ite

    Messages:
    491
    Likes Received:
    19
    Trophy Points:
    33
    Gender:
    Female
    Re: Let him sleep????

    Thanks ladies for all ur inputs & suggestions. I understand that I need to let my husband decide when he shd wake up n sleep. I have stopped advising him and pestering him to get up early and go to office. As some of you said, I think I must treat him as an adult in this matter & not as a mom. Somehow habits which didnt bother me when we were just-married, have started plaguing me after our toddler started, well, toddling!! :)

    I want to share one tip (said many times by others) with you. Understanding and acceptance works! I sat down and told him I accept his habit of waking up late n wont pester him hereafter about it. He felt grateful and sort of came down from his nonchalant attitude. He offered to help me with some small jobs at home this weekend (he rarely does anything; usually all my requests go unheeded and finally do everything myself). I only hope this spark in him stays put for a long time.

    When I asked him the reason for sleeping till so late in the morning, he says he sleeps well only bet 2 am and 9 am and he wants to go to office when he would work efficiently (later in the day). Amen!

    Rihana, I am a SAHM. And it is difficult to make him understand my housework... like most men, he feels i m idling around n have a lot of free time at home. He does underestimate household chores n doesnt chip in. I will definitely follow ur suggestions (as well as other ppl's) to make him help me when possible by him. I try to optimise my cooking time n cook when he is around.

    I was surprised when I realised that he does do tiny jobs like paying utility bills... Thanks Rihana this eye-opener. I will definitely make the list of jobs we do and see how it can be shared/optimised.

    I want to thank you ladies once again for your participation in this thread.
    Regards,
    Sandhya
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2009

Share This Page