This is my story and how i want to change it now.

Hello everyone,
I had been a silent reader of Indul Ladies all the time and i recently joined and i too want to express or share my story with u all...Now i have been married for 3 n half yrs..

Pre-marriage:
I hail from a very educated family where both my parents work and have a good reputation in the society. But my father has not been very cooperative when it comes to the family matters(u know, its same old stories of inlaw's and all) and he neglected our family to the extent that my mother had to take charge of the entire house including our health, our studies everything..All our relatives have thumbs up for her and of her sacrifices and patience.. I have a younger brother who is well settled now with a good job..
Coming to me, I am a very bubbly, naughty girl who always makes everybody happy with my sense of humor and with naughty actions... I am a post graduate (dont want to mention my profession here because of some privacy) and everybody at home, relatives and the society show a lot of respect towards me and my mother for bringing up me and my brother for good in the society...
I always wanted to marry a person who is picked up by my parents..I think with this motto in mind, i never fell in love with anyone before marriage..I believed in stepping into marriage with pure and pious 'heart' and 'body' ....(ofcourse that is what put me in some embarassed situations at my first night where i could'nt understand anything (smiles))....

That day came when my parents started searching for a groom..Most of the alliances liked my photo and profile except my profession and had backed up because of that..My mother was a bit upset by seeing this and all i told her not to worry and whomever respects my profession, i would marry that person only...
Ok, my mom and my uncles have found one alliance and wanted them to come and see me....The alliance was something like this..There was a boy, well settled with a good job and house, and whose father was a blind and physically handicapped (it was because of some accident some yrs ago caused this disability) ...."And when this boy was 15 yrs old, his mother left all of them and eloped away with an another man and has 2 children with him"...and he has a younger sister who was recently married then...
As soon as i heard abt this, i was taken aback and told my parents that i really did'nt want to get in to this kind of family with this sort of history.... But later when enquired, everybody told that this boy is extremely good natured and would surely keep me happy...And later came to know that this boy liked me so much that he did'nt want to see another girl...That day he and his big father came to see me..since it is his big father and his wife who would perform marriage from his side as his parents since his mother was not there......So i asked my parents one favour to just make sure...I told them to ask this boy's father that whether his 'eloped away wife' would return anytime...He said they all hate her and treat her dead and she would never come back...He told us too to tell all my relatives that his wife was dead..He said to my parents that he would not anytime interfere in his son's married life and i would'nt have any trouble with my SIL coz' she is anyhow married.....At the bottom of my heart, i felt vry pity for this family and all i wanted to do is to be a good wife to him and a good DIL to his father and fulfil whatever happiness they all needed... At last the marriage was performed well and i stepped into his life...The only reason i agreed to step into this family was i was assured by them that his 'eloped away' mother would never return .

Post marriage:
I felt a very high sense of responsibility as a woman in their house and with all sincerity i wanted to make all of them happy in every way i could....Soon after our marriage, my husband had to go for an onsite project within 15 days of our marriage and here i was working on my visa n all...So i was all alone in the house with my FIL for 1 month before i too left for US.. But at that time, i rarely went to my mom's place because i really didnt want to leave this poor old man alone in the house....Went to US and stayed there for 6 months and was happy to know that my SIL and her DH lived with my FIL all those days. We both returned back home only to see my life changing drastically from there...

The day when i came from US, My SIL and her DH were there and i thought they would stay for more a week or 10 days and go back... and since i was badly effected by jetlag, iwanted to sleep atleast for couple of hrs during the day...A week passed and there was no sign of my SIL and her DH going back to their house.. My DH appointed a cook because i didn'nt grew up to that stage where i could cook for 5 people....And then started to release the real colors of my SIL's and my FIL's.. When my mom, brother and my uncles came to see me, my FIL started comparing me with my SIL and started neglecting me infront of all of them and stayed away from them....For this reason, all of my people were worried and didnt want to spend much time with me fearing that it could again trigger this tension situation....There was a clear expressing of jealousy of my SIL in each and every thing i do..I am a singer, have long hair, do yoga, read all the newspapers, write articles ,,etc....( i know my english is not very good now since now i discontinued all my writing skills and communications,,it is vry true that practice makes perfect,,when it is not done, it is all gone some day and that is what happend with me now, (smiles)).
After some months, my DH spent 5 lakhs and bought a new flat just very near to our house for my SIL and the couple moved out of our house...he also bought everything into their house from a spoon to their beds and mattress....Oh not to tell u all how i was treated when they had a housewarming ceremony....

I could'nt really expect my FIL would behave in such a rude manner with me.. Though he could'nt see, he started observing me in every situation...will give u all few Examples here;;;

(1) If i go to a super market and come back home, with a raised eyebrow,he used to ask me who was there with me..Sometimes his questions put me at shock for i went to the market alone, shopped there alone and returned back also alone and how could someone accompany me...
(2) Anytime if i was there for a long time taking bath, he used to ask me why i was there in the bathroom for such a long time,,I could'nt answer such embarassing questions since girls have many things to do in bathroom sometimes like shaving etc..,
(3) When i get a call to my mobile, he used to literally lend his ear to hear to whom and what i was talking and later used to ask who the caller was...This killed my privacy when talking to my friends and that too girls
(4) When i was searching to get into any job, he always showed his dis-interest and wanted me to look after him and the house 24/7....
(5) Since he is disabled with his eyes and hands, he cannot hold anything..So anyone of us should feed him the food...This particular thing i took into my heart and never failed to feed him the food 3 times a day...when i was in any household work, he used to try eating all alone wantedly..But i never gave him that chance and immediately stop all my work and start feed him his food...and after all this he complained my DH that i never fed him food

(6)And most of the time he used to get the chance to pick up a fight with me and concluded it saying "dont tell about this to my son, otherwise he would feel bad or upset" and i used to cry within myself with out saying a word to my DH...And within a day or two, my DH used to get the entire issue somehow...Then came the time my DH started changing.... Though i proved my DH how much i cared for his family, he said i still needed to do more as a DIL..For his father, i sacrificed my career, my passion for music, even i stopped visiting my parents house for long long time, and also cut down all my communications with my other family members and friends...But still my DH thought i had more and more to do for him and his family as wife and DIL..His notion is after a girl gets married, she HAS to forget everybody even her parents..But the same policy he would'nt accept it with his sister..

Many times it happend that my DH started blaming me and yelling at me saying that i was not taking care of his father and was harassing him of his disability....this entire drama went upto his big father {DH's father's big brother herein called 'BF' (big father) and his wife 'BM' (big mother) These were the ppl who actually sat and performed marriage ffrom my DH's side}.. My DH called up to his BM and complained against me that i was harassing my FIL and not taking care of him...His BM called up my mom and asked her if she could come to my house to cool off the issue since she is my mother...When they both came to my house, my DH was little scared as the matter went to my parent's side...Soon after they came i was even not allowed to go to my mother....When i begged my FIL to give his proof to his son who was saying that i was not caring him and harrasing him, u know wht my FIL said? that he had nothing to do with that and had no relation with that issue and turned his nose...Everybody was shocked to see him behaving like that except my DH.. Then when his BM heard about all the issues, she calmly took my DH to the corner and said "See, u r mistaken abt ur wife,,though she is a new comer to ur family she has been doing everything possible she could,,it is ur responsibility to appoint a servant to ur father bcoz not everything ur wife can do to him sometimes, and u should deal with this matter amicably because u want both"...

My DH, having got influenced by his father so much, that oneday he hurt me physically for the reason he thought that i was not caring his father and his sister...That was when i opened my mouth and warned him not to repeat this kind of act in the future and to take me to the hospital for what he had done...His father tried to sstop him when i asked DH to take me to the hospital...But i insisted and finally we ended up in the hospital..There when the hospital staff put me on stretcher, then was the time my DH started really shivering and said he would not cause any trouble and would take care of me...Conincidentally just before that time, my maternal uncle was hospitalized for his heart surgery and all my people were waiting in the hospital ward for him...When they all saw me with bandages n all, they were shocked and asked how all that happend..i said it was just an accident...and later told them the story for the first time...Taken aback by the bahaviour of my DH(whom we all thought was a kind man) they all told my DH not to repeat this in the future and take care of me..My mom was like fainted at some point of time seeing me like that...She begged my DH not to repeat such acts....And when my DH sensed all were somewht soft, he took it for granted and yelled at them and went home all alone without taking me...Since it was a tension time all going thru of my uncle's surgery, i had to go to my parents house and stay there for few days...Inspite of several calls made to my DH from my parents side, he denied to come home and take me...I too thought it was the time for my DH to realize my importance and have'nt had any contacts with them...Then one day he came and had a big discussion in my house and put a condition that i should leave my mobile with my parents and have limited communication with them since my DH thought(still thinks) that my mother and all were spoiling my mind(which iss ridiculous)..Ok..they all agreed to that and send me with him without my consent.. But i too had no option there except going with him...

After i went back, my FIL and SIL started making sarcastic comments abt me, my mobile, my mother, my uncles and everyone....i decided not to respond to their talks and involved myself in my subjects since that time i was preparing for my Masters...after a month, i somehow managed to get my mobile since i mentioned my mobile number in my job profile and said i might get the calls from them...

So after a 2 months with no calls n all, i really missed my mom and wanted to see her atleast for 10 mnts since we all stay in the same city...I asked my mom if she could come to my college library for atleast an hr.. Though she said she would come to my house and see me, i requested not to come to my place and come to my library...Atlast she managed to come to my college library and when we just met, my DH called up to my cell and asked whom i was with...(Though i was a brave woman, i sometimes lose all that energy and used to be like a coward girl thinking if i talk or defend, things might go wrong n effect my marital life) Though i said i was in the library he started suspecting me and used filthy language...My mom could'nt tolerate all this and wanted to tell him that she was there with me...But i stopped her and i went to my house with tears in my eyes...I decided to tell this to my FIL (thinking that he might understand the issue and make my DH understand),,but inturn he too said the same thing and asked me if i had any psychological problem since childhood....My jaw dropped when he said that and i really could'nt control my tears and told him i wanted to go to my parent's place for a day or two...Instead of cooling off the situation, u know wht he did? he immediately went and closed all the doors and locked them from inside and warned me to go to my bedroom and locked my bedroom from outside...Since i always was afraid to do anything when my DH was not at home, i wanted to call up DH to tell abt all this and called up my uncle to come...After they both came, my uncle was shocked to see my FIL behaviour and told my DH that he was the only one who could control his father and make sure all this wont happen again...
Meanwhile i had enough with my SIL...since they both lived vry near to oour house, they used to come daily and interfere in my some or the other thing...
Tolerating all this, a girl like me who was vry bubblly and naughty, i became very calm and always used to stick to my domestic work, my studies and my laptop searching for jobs....I rarely used to sit in the hall to watch TV..I completely stopped practising my classical music...I just decided not to open my mouth and involve in any sort of arguments with any one even if they drag me purposefully...I also stepped down when my FIL wanted me to involve in my SIL's in-laws issue since i had nothing to do with their issues because i myself was facing them..

It was the most worst day in my life that my DH was so influenced by his father and i couldnt imagine he himself was that kind of a person when he took me forcibly to a psychiatrist..He used all his physical power and dragged me to this psychiatrist...When i told abt this to my parents, everybody were shocked, including my DH's BF and BM...They all seriously discussed and told my DH that what he had done was completely wrong and should'nt treat me that way anytime...I hated my DH for this reason and stopped talking to him for some days... My parents and all my ppl including his own BF and BM told my DH that i was very much normal and had dealt with so many issues with bold mind and never ever was depressed or low or had no kind of psychological problem...Infact my DH's BF and BM scold him that he did a big blunder in doing so..they said "if u have any issues with this girl, u should have taken her parents help in resolving so..but this is not the right thing u did" and having said that none of them talked to my DH and my FIL for few days...His BF&BM said only one thing to me after that " we both r very sorry for performing ur marriage with this kind of family...even we too were not indepth knew these ppl would turn up like this..and u need to be very strong in dealing with them and for this reason u need to take some advice from any professional as how to deal with blind ppl and this kind of ur DH"......So i decided to go to a blind school to know how to deal with blinds and also consulted a famous psycologist in the city how to deal with a husband like mine....After hearing all this that psycologist said just one thing "Bring ur DH here once and i will tell him what a good life partner he is losing" and told me to be brave and bold....
The thing is my DH is very very inferior person for his family background...and to cover it up, he can to to any extent...I hate to tell to the world that he even stopped coming to me for over an year as he thinks i was not caring his father and sister...He took my desire to have our own babies for undue advantage.


So after all this happened, i finally decided that i HAD to continue with these people through out my life...
And fortunately at the same time i got a job and i felt glad that atleast i could have some money on my hands to be little confident after all this...

One month passed and one day my DH told me that my FIL was going on a pilgrimage for a month..I was surprized and asked him how could he go all alone...Then my DH told that the package tour ppl appointed a servant for him...As u all know how we women have a melting heart,,,, i prepared lots of snacks for him to eat when he feels...i ironed all his clothes...i myself packed clothes and all for him and on the day when he was boarding the train, i wanted to go along with him to see off....But my DH, FIL and my SIL were not very comfortable to take me with them...I somehow managed and went to the station...At the station, i was again shocked to see all of them leaving me all alone with their luggage n all and all of the 3 went to a distance and came after half an hour...When i asked them where they were been, they said they went to see a friend there...I believed their every word and atlast my FIL boarded the train....
Since the day he left, i clearly could sense a sudden change in my DH where he managed himself to be vry cool all the time...One month passed and just 3 days before my FIL returned back from the pilgrimage, one fine morning, my DH told me that his mother was coming to live with us...Hearing that, my eyes popped up and my jaw droppped....I said what the heck was that and asked where was she coming from and what this sudden change all of a sudden...He said they already had a talk and the person who was with my FIL in all his pilgrimage tour was none other than his 'eloped away' mother...I asked where her other 2 children were....He said they didnt know anytihng about them....I was also shocked to know that his BF & BM also were not told abt this...When i informed them about this, they were like "WHAT ??????" everybody opened their mouths for this shocking news.....And after 3 days, atlast they both came from the tour....I wondered where again she left her other 2 children again like she left my DH and my SIL.....
Soon after they came, just after an hour, she came and asked my DH to take out the car and asked her to take her to the hospital for she had a severe headache....and my DH started expecting from me what all a DIL could do to her MIL....LAter after a day or two, i came to know that she had been a concubine(staying without married to him) to that man whom she flew away and since he was dead now, his 1st wife got this woman and her other 2 children out of her house...And her youngest child got kidnapped by someone and her elder son was living on his own all alone who was just 16 yrs old...{ How shameful she is to womankind...she left a man and her 1st set of children first and eloped away with someone whom she not even got married and had other set of children,,and now she left them also to their fate and came here to live because my DH had got good house, money and car...}

AFter seeing this for couple of days, the third evening, i took my DH upstairs and asked what he had done even without tell me abt all this....I told him the reason i stepped into his life was just becoz they assured me she would never return..and he could not cheat us like this..Now i wouldnt want to live with all this drama in this house and asked him to start our own fresh life atleast giving a break to all these unmeaningful responsibilities...... I was totally shaken when he immediately at night, got me out of his house saying he loves his parents including his mother who came now after many many yrs,and he did'nt need me at all in his life ...If i wanted to live with him. i need to render my service to his newly arrived mother too.....I said "OK, if u really dont at all need me, why would'nt i want u in my life.." and having said that i drove to my parents house that night...Knowing abt this incident, my DH's BF n BM, my parents were vry vry disappointed and i told everyone that i wouldnt want to go to that house until n unless....my DH knows my importance in life and lead a seperate life away from all these mentalities....

Days went by and everybody in our both relatives exiled my DH's family and nobody spoke with them for all the acts they were doing ....After an year, my mom, without my knowledge, called up my DH and asked him to come home for talk...My parents, my uncles made several calls to my DH to forget and talk to me to have a good life with me atleast now..... Though i yelled at them first that why they called him without asking me, i managed myself and decided to talk to him too when he came to my house...This time my DH brought his BF and BM for talks...(till date he never involved his father for any talks,,,always his father creates an issue and my DH and his BF n BM and my parents resolve them)..So this time also when my DH brought them, i was very bold enough and i told him i wouldnt at all step into their house and ready if he takes another flat or house for only both of us to start a new life....He then decided not to stay there and brought me overseas to start a new life again ...
Though my DH is somewht understanding, he loses his total control n mind when it comes to his family and all...I forgive his every act...though he abuses my mom and brother, i never said anything to his father and sister....


I really dont understand how a woman like his mother can do to her children...She is now leading a happy life there and no body knows where her other 2 children were...whether dead or alive....she throwed away my DH and my SIL for yrs when they were small and she did the same with her other 2 children...I would never ever live with this woman in my life...





After coming to overseas, when one day my DH didnt sign off from his mail id, and when i opened the laptop,UNFORTUNATELY, i had to see his mails popped up and saw a mail in which he wrote to one of his friend who happend to be a girl, that he loved her so much but couldnt dare to tell her since she was more richer than him...blah blah...and at the end it was written that "yours and only yours..loving you..xxx" since no woman or wife can tolerate this, i wanted to make sure when he wrote this mail to see if it was written it before our marriage or after marriage, it was surely after our marriage and that too when we both were apart with each other for all that happend in his house....It was the time when i used to cry within myself having missed him so much and at the same time there he was writing all this to this girl.....I was so shocked and angry with him and asked what all that was...He said it was all written when he was vry frustrated and said he thought i might have found some guy in my life ,,so thats the reason he too was trying for another girl...I hated him soo much that i said when i too was frustrated i visited temples and practice my music rigorously...but this is what he had done to take off his frustration...But as the life goes on, i forgave him for all that cheating he has done only becaouse i dont want to see myself being alone in life with no family and all...neither we can tell this to our ppl nor can carry within ourselves...but god is there for me and..will surely wont let my life be spoiled..believing in him, i continued living with this person...

Though i cannot change my DH for good, i cannot myself live in their house and take my baby to their shadows even...They all love my Dh only because he pours in lots lots of money on them...After coming overseas, he bought a new house for his parents also...
My Dh never shares any financial matters with me...he never involves me in his finance...Till date i dont even know how much salary he draws..I asked him several times inteligently,,but he is so intelligent, he never reveals anytihng to me.....It has been nearly 2 yrs since he had last spoken with my parents and brother..They always tried to talk to him with some or the other opportunity viz, wishing him on his B'Day, or on any festivals,,but he is so stubborn and strong headed, that he never speaks with anyone..and at the same time he expects a lot from me....



How i want to change my life:
Now that i am pregnant here(that too after many pujas ) i would want to live a peaceful life and give a good life to my baby aswell...I dont want to take this baby there and nourish him/her in such a worst and bad environment...Having brought up in a society, i want my baby to live as a social animal rather than an animal in jungle....I am very bold and want to be very stubborn now,,i want to take charge of my own life...I will not again sacrifice for any woman like this....
Now i want to lead my life completely as per my will...I had enough atrocities from my DH and his people.....
Now that we r in overseas, i will happily give birth to my child, but when once if he and his people again want to repeat the history,, this time i wont let him and all do that and will take all strict actions to make our life good... I will make my DH fulfil his responsibilities towards me and my baby....Whatever happens, i am/will be very strong to have a good life with no tensions to me , my baby and also my DH whom we need in our entire life....

I would personally thank everyone here who read my long story with loads of time and patience..
Since this is my story which i wanted to share with all of ya, i might get some suggestions or any tips for which i am vry much open to receive...

Thank u all..,