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Etiquette is not my cup of tea!

Discussion in 'Cheeniya's Senile Ramblings' started by Cheeniya, Nov 9, 2008.

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Dec 4, 2008 #31

shreyasri New IL'ite

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Dear cheeniya,

You are such a great inspiration! The themes that you choose are wide, the flow of thoughts amazing, and the way you link the main theme to a seeminlgy unrelated subject is amusing. On the whole you are a matchless role model. What"s more, the diligence you show in replying to every fb.
i cannot think of another way of thanking you for all these, except say a few genuine, heartfelt words of admiration.

i pray God to bless you with a long, happy life- each day filled with meaningful moments!

shreyasri

shreyasri, Dec 4, 2008

shreyasri, Dec 4, 2008

#31
Dec 4, 2008 #32

Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Dear Shreya
I am touched by your words. I'll rate this as my biggest blessing of my life that there are a few friends like you who I may never meet and yet are so full of warm feelings of affection towards me.
I pray to Goddess Saraswathi to preserve my mental faculties in order that I may continue to enjoy all your love and affection through my rambling till my end!
Sri

Cheeniya, Dec 4, 2008

Cheeniya, Dec 4, 2008

#32
Dec 4, 2008 #33

Jenz Bronze IL'ite

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Dear Cheeniya Sir,

I am back again (as promised!) Etiquette....'sometimes suffocating...sometimes ok...' (Read it in Koffee With Anu Style).

Will write more later....can't be here for long from work ;-)

Cheers
jenz

Jenz, Dec 4, 2008

Jenz, Dec 4, 2008

#33
Dec 5, 2008 #34

Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Jenz said: ↑

Dear Cheeniya Sir,

I am back again (as promised!) Etiquette....'sometimes suffocating...sometimes ok...' (Read it in Koffee With Anu Style).

Will write more later....can't be here for long from work ;-)

Cheers
jenz
Click to expand...

Dear Jenz
You do put up your presence here like a flash of lightening from time to time!
Sri

Cheeniya, Dec 5, 2008

Cheeniya, Dec 5, 2008

#34
Jan 4, 2009 #35

ojaantrik IL Hall of Fame

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I guess I am slowly turning into one of your regulars. You know, there was a time when The Statesman was a newspaper Bengalis were truly proud of. And the cream of the daily took the form of the the three editorial pieces. Further, the whipping over the cream was the third editorial. The Statesman has fallen on bad times now of course and one misses the superb third editorials. I have begun to suspect that you used to write them and then let them down and disappeared under your knight's armour on Marina Beach. How sad really!

This was truly a fascinating piece. Loved every bit of it. I have begun to wonder about my own bathroom manners now and the face that I prepare to meet the faces that I meet. Being retired, I don't need to worry about the second chapter of your etiquette manual. But the first one is unavoidable and I am almost sure that I have not exactly been able to maintain the borderline between the first and the third all too clear. I seem to have noticed a suspicious look on the faces of members of the elite crowd whenever they spot me. I really don't know what I do when faced with a society lady, but whatever it is, it cannot be too confidence inspiring.

Wish I could see you in person some day. We could each try our bathroom manners on the other!! :cheers

oj

Cheeniya said: ↑

Etiquette, according to the American Humorist Will Cuppy, means behaving yourself a little better than is absolutely necessary. I not only endorse Cuppy’s statement wholeheartedly but would also like to add my own bit. Etiquette means behaving a little better in public than when we are alone. My knowledge of the behavioral pattern of women when they are left to themselves is quite limited and hence would not know if this rule is applicable to them. But I can say with certain amount of certainty that Will Cuppy would have made this statement only after observing his male friends at close quarters.

It follows from the above that behavior is of three types. First is etiquette which is behaving a little better than absolutely necessary. Second is the ‘absolutely necessary’ type and the third is ‘go to hell’ type of behavior. The first is usually followed by men when they are in elite company. The second suits him in office and other public places. The third is resorted to whenever he is alone or in ‘total communion with nature’ as the saying goes. Most men are able to switch gears as the occasion demands but for a few, it can be a very tough exercise. These unfortunate few may become extremely unpopular in public despite having a heart of gold.

The greatest thing in life is the freedom to behave as one wants which can be possible only when he is alone. While going through some funny statistics, I came across an item recently which said that 86% of men tended to make faces at themselves when they were alone with a mirror. I would have strongly opposed it if I was not one of that 86%
I wouldn’t say I make faces at myself but it is like this. When I have a mirror all for myself with no one around, I tend to examine my face at various angles to see which one of them made me look my best. While I am engaged in this self-improvement exercise, it is possible for any one sneaking in at that moment to come to the conclusion that I have this habit of making faces at myself. So this statistics hardly comes to me as a surprise. If ever I come across another man indulging in this luxury, I would want to ask him how he resists the temptation of doing it on other occasions like washing his hands in a restaurant. I have seen some men following Oscar Wilde’s suggestion that the best way to resist a temptation is to yield to it and letting themselves go berserk whenever they sight a mirror no matter where it is.

The second is the ‘absolutely necessary’ kind of behavior which needs to be followed in our professional and other pubic avocations. This is by far the most difficult of the three. As far as situations where a person is expected to follow some etiquette, he has the option to avoid such situations if etiquette is not his cup of tea. Thus if he gets an invitation for dinner from the Buckingham Palace, he can politely turn it down instead of attending it and making a fool of himself. Do you remember the havoc that Peter Sellers caused at ‘The Party’ hosted by one of the biggest Hollywood tycoons? It was well within his powers to have declined that invitation but had he done so, we would have missed a rollicking comedy. Coming back to the point, the situations which demand the ‘absolutely necessary’ kind of behaviour are usually unavoidable and if a person is unable to cope up with the pressures of such situations, he may ultimately become a nervous wreck. My tenure with State Bank very nearly did that to me when I had to be polite and keep smiling at some of the rowdy elements in the office in the interest of ‘customer service’
Etiquette is nothing but wearing a shining Knight’s armour on a hot summer day and taking a stroll on the sands of Marina! It is bound to make you sweat under the collar and swear under your breath. The redeeming feature here is, as I have stated earlier, that it is purely optional. For Bohemian characters like me, etiquette may mean a fate worse than death. In fact, my aversion to following any form of etiquette is probably due to too much reading of Wodehouse. I still recall with horror how visitors to a place like the Barribault’s hotel are given a full page of do’s and don’ts that can unnerve even the most lion-hearted! For instance, wolf-whistling is prohibited in the lobby of Barribault's Hotel and so none of those present there can attempt this form of homage to pretty women there!

The greatest danger yet is a state of confusion in our minds as to which form of behaviour is best suited for a given circumstance. If we reserve our best behaviour for the blissful moments of our bath and display even a trace of our bathroom behaviour in public or while in elite company, we may get directed to an asylum!
Click to expand...

ojaantrik, Jan 4, 2009

ojaantrik, Jan 4, 2009

#35
Jan 5, 2009 #36

Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Dear oj
When I was auditing branches of State Bank of India in W.Bengal in the mid seventies, I became hopelessly addicted to The Statesman. As you say, the third editorials used to be classic stuff. It makes me sad to hear that the paper has fallen on bad times now. But to rate me on par with the editorial writers of that esteemed paper is certainly being unfair to the paper's eminent writers! And such statements are bound to spoil me to the core!

It is amazing that you come out with off-the-cuff statements like ' the face that I prepare to meet the faces that I meet'! It is truly indicative of the travails that men undergo prior to any important rendezvous! There is a difference here between a man and woman.A women spend time before the mirror out of a desire to be told by the mirror eventually that 'she is the fairest of them all' but a man spends time before a mirror trying to find a way to make himself less hideous before any important meeting.

I may be ,of course, wrong now because I now find TV ads promoting men's fairness creams and other 'face lifting' accessories!
Sri

Cheeniya, Jan 5, 2009

Cheeniya, Jan 5, 2009

#36
Feb 23, 2012 #37

iyerviji IL Hall of Fame

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My dear Anna

Good post . Like Shreya has mentioned you are inspiration to everyone , your family is lucky to have you. There is so much to learn from your writings.

My husband also licks the plate, especially when he has dahi after having snacks in the night. Eating in a banana leaf is also very tasty. After finishing everything to enjoy the balance in the leaf by licking it. The way we enjoy eating with a hand we cant enjoy eating with a spoon and fork , only pulao and some other items can be enjoyed with spoon and fork.

It is difficult for a simple person to be etiquette.

I think this quote suits well for being Etiquette

Don't reserve your best behavior for special occasions. You can't have two sets of manners, two social codes - one for those you admire and want to impress, another for those whom you consider unimportant. You must be the same to all people.
Lillian Eichler Watson

I feel it is better to be what we are in a function

iyerviji, Feb 23, 2012

iyerviji, Feb 23, 2012

#37
Feb 23, 2012 #38

kelly1966 Platinum IL'ite

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Cheeniya..another one of your gems
this took me back to one of my most embarrassing childhood moments when dad was invited to a very very formal dinner at a consul general residence. now for some reason mom and brother were not in town and since i couldn't be left alone at home Dad requested an invite for me too... and there was this "proper" 7 course dinner and after serving the soup and first course the maids came to clear the plate and i was shocked and exclaimed real loud holding onto the plate with real desperation " daddy I'm yet hungry wont they give more food??" .. and ofcourse had a red faced father explaining that they will get another plate!!!... well I never forgot this moment!!..
I totally agree with you that men definitely have 3 lvls of etiquette.. having expierenced this with my father/ brother hubby and Father in law.. most of them are obnoxious at home... slurping up tea/ soup/ gravy from plates etc... we women tend to bring sanity in the household and thats why very rarely in very private moments can totally let go!!!..
but let me let you in a secret.. women also tend to totally "let go" in the bathroom!!!
Kerman

kelly1966, Feb 23, 2012

kelly1966, Feb 23, 2012

#38
Feb 23, 2012 #39

PriyaKat Silver IL'ite

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I wonder how that "absolute necessity'' in your opening quote is calculated ? I would think that there can be no such absolutes because social norms, the world over, are as varied as the colour of skin - and what a palette it is ! Yes, being pleasant enough for others to feel comfortable around one is a basic rquirement for earning the label " Civilised" . If etiquette is something over and above this basic , it would be a species of hypocrisy ; or, to sound less sharp, call it masquerade. Loitering in Marina at midday in a knight's armour is verily a masquerade of the grotesque order ! so why would reasonably sane people opt for this imposition ? Wouldn't it be simpler to make oneself a pleasant person to be with, so that no masks need be lugged around ? This itself is a great incentive for self improvement ! You can be yourself, without being on your toes to watch your "etiquette" forever.

The idea of "good etiquette" (a la the victorian "Miss Manners" books) is imported , along with oddities like neckties and forks . For our Indian life , being an honest human is the highest etiquette. I remember Gandhiji's retort to the courtiers who critiqued that he was under-dressed to meet the King of England : " Don't worry, he has enough attire on him for both of us !"

Peering into a mirror/ reflecting glass is harmless vanity, indulged in by everyone. Women are more frank , going about it like a god given right . Men need cover-ups or excuses , all because somebody, sometime in human history conceived the idea that men should not preen, so poor things they have had to live with stealth ever since !

PriyaKat, Feb 23, 2012

PriyaKat, Feb 23, 2012

#39

1 person likes this.
Feb 24, 2012 #40

Cheeniya Super Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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Dear Viji
He talks loudest who has no message to give others! Whether my family is lucky to have me or not, I am lucky to have you all to support me and consider my Ramblings as inspirational. The quality of getting inspired is in born. In Bhagavatam, we see the likes of Uddhava and Parikshat learning their lessons from birds in flight, snakes and trees. Their inspiration is all within. If people are inspired by my Ramblings, my Ramblings are NOT to be praised but their own self inquiring minds.

That quote is an apt one in the context of my thread. To be ourselves in all circumstances of life is a great quality that should be slowly cultivated. Otherwise there will be no difference between us and a chameleon
Sri

Cheeniya, Feb 24, 2012

Cheeniya, Feb 24, 2012

#40

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